Dear 2017 CMA Awards,
Hello their friends! It’s been quite a while since we have had the pleasure of getting together but as November begins it brings with it the awards show that country music fans love and well, I really loathe due to the fact that I must sit through three hours of what Nashville loosely describes as “country” music in order to bring you the most comprehensive and more importantly honest recap of the nights entertainment. Please sit back and enjoy the 6th or 7th annual review of the CMA Awards once again brought to you by Tito’s vodka…. (remember, I do it all for you the fans)
- Show starts of with Eric Church performing Amazing Grace. Their is a smile on my face. My better judgment says I should shut off the TV and go to bed happy
- I decide against this and am now subjected to Hootie. You win again Nashville.
- Kix Brooks, it’s November 8th, you can take the Halloween mask off.
- Do you think God looks down on Carrie Underwood’s legs and smiles knowing he just got it right?
- Brad Paisley at the hat store: “Make me look like an idiot.” Hat store employee: “Say no more.”
- Just saw Pink in the crowd. It has nothing to do with country but then again neither does this show.
- Bon Jovi wins the first award of the night. I can’t recall hearing the song “Blue” on the Bad Medicine album.
- Staying with the theme of the night, Taylor Swift wins song of the year.
- It is currently 8:30pm on Wednesday and I’m laying on my couch taking notes. I am not on stage dressed in a Batman shirt purchased at the Baby Gap and pleather camouflage jacket claiming to be a country musician. Just stating facts.
- The current crop of female artist such as Kelsea Ballerinai may just give Nashville a glimmer of hope.
- Reba is like fine wine, she still got it.
- During the commercial break I learn that Luke Bryan is now on American Idol. Somewhere Randy Jackson is shaking his head and saying, “That’s a NO for me dawg.”
- Miranda….Stunning simply does not do you justice tonight.
- Jon Pardi wins New Artist of the Year. Makes that Northern Comfort t-shirt hanging in my closet that much more special. As one of those fans who saw you in those backyards and dive bars from Chico to Winters….Congrats buddy.
- Garth just wakes up and pisses excellence.
- I still miss Chris Gaines though.
- Brothers Osborne, dressing as Tom Brady doesn't allow me to go home to Giselle just as dressing like Chris Stapleton does not afford you talent.
- Don Williams and Jason Boland are the only two people allowed to sing “Tulsa Time”. One is dead and the other isn't on stage.
- Charlie Pride was just mentioned. A smile comes across my face.
- Chris Stapleton: Album of the Year. Please refer to the above mentioned statement.
- People, for just 10 cents a day we can feed Tim McGraw.
- Faith, there’s some old crackers on my nightstand if you're interested.
- It was just announced that Pink was going to make country’s biggest night, bigger. Makes total sense.
- Pink is on stage. Carson Daly and the rest of the TRL crew are standing by waiting to take your calls.
- You can dye your hair blonde and start a group called Little Big Town but I still know it’s you Carrot Top.
- I still have no idea what a Brothers Osborne is but because of you there is no more Florida or Georgia or Line. You have a fan for life.
- If Chris Stapleton just performed this whole show I wouldn't be mad.
- Maren Morris is pure gypsy couture and that’s a good thing.
- Carrie Underwood, their will always be a fresh box of crackers next to my bed for you. This is a lifetime offer.
- Carrot Top’s rise to fame in the country music business is complete. Vocal Group of the Year.
- At no time during a country music song should you be waving your hands in there air like you just don't care.
- Jon Pardi, please just play the DUI song and let the world experience your first real #1 hit.
- Donald Trump, can you build a wall between us and Australia to keep Keith Urban out?
- See that…Miranda just winked at me in her acceptance speech. Love ya babe.
- Eric Church would be a country music star in any generation.
- With every Chris Stapleton win, it little by little restores my faith in Nashville.
- Garth wins Entertainer of the Year. This coupled with Luke Bryan taking home no trophy’s made the night not a total loss.
Three hours and a lighter bottle of Tito’s later and Nashville still doesn't get it. The greatest performance of the night could be found outside the arena where Sturgill Simpson performed for 45 minutes on the sidewalk. Don’t know who he is???….Look him up, I promise you won’t be disappointed. It’s artist like him that will truly make Nashville Great Again. God Bless….
Ps. Happy Pre-Friday peeps on this cold and wet morning in God’s country. I miss y'all and hope to be writing more soon, Enjoy your day and remember….If the love doesn't feel like 90’s R&B, you don't want it.
#CMA’s #Nashville #Countrymusic #realcountry #makenashvillegreatagain #empireliving
