Friday, February 28, 2014

Debunking the Myth and Reality of Crossfit

Dear Crossfit,

I have something to admit to you all out there….I am a crossfit guy. Some people have Christianity, Catholicism, Mormonism and Allah as organized religions that they put their faith in everyday and ask to guide them. Hell, Tom Cruise’s crazy ass and the rest of Hollywood made up scientology so they could pray and give there hard earned dollars to also. To the majority of people who participate in the craze that is crossfit it is like all the aforementioned religions in that it gives them something to believe in along with donating a quarter of their salary too minus the passing around of a collection plate. People like to refer to it as a “cult” but in reality all religions could be glossed with the “cult” moniker. Before all you religious zealots go and tar and feather me or worse make me listen to Christian rock follow me on this one. Groups of people that come together believing in the same cause and donate mass sums of money to that cause and become argumentative when someone denounces it is a cult. No Jim Jones and refreshing Kool Aid needed. For those of you who have always wanted a behind the scenes look into their world and the rituals that are behind it I will take you inside their church and reveal to you for the first time….Crossfit.

1.       The first thing that you see when entering a Crossfitters church is that once inside they tend to gather in packs both pre and post workout. They don’t talk about current events or other filler topics that most of us do at bars or other meeting places. The pre-workout conversations consist of how sore they are from the previous session and what they will be doing for the current workout predetermined for them. The post workout get-together is even stranger to comprehend. Instead of leaving after a good sweat session like the majority of us who participate in a healthy lifestyle do they congregate around the equipment that you are trying to use or the designated water area to once again converse about the workout and how sore they will feel in the morning. This usually last typically 20-30 minutes post-workout.
2.       Crossfitters have a sick sense of what is pleasure. After having our asses handed to us for just around an hour by our trainer we all thank them for it. This ritual has always fascinated me because I participate in this faction. I mean does a hostage after a good water boarding turn to his captors and go; “Thanks man, I needed that!”  
3.       A high number of crossfit participants and there trainers tend to spend an abundance of time together away from the gym. It is not unusual to see packs of them gathered at local watering holes that feature a drink menu heavy in ciders and vodka around town. Here they continue to talk about three main topics…The previous day’s workout, the one they just did and what is awaiting them tomorrow. If you are a crossfit participant but do not participate in these gatherings they tend to shun you much like blacks were in the south pre-segregation.

I hope you have enjoyed this brief and enlighten introduction into the world of crossfit and its followers. Despite the negatives that are associated with it like all things it has many positives that outsiders overlook. With no disrespect to Billy Blanks it is in my mind the best workout regime currently out there. Now excuse me while I go finish my burpees….

PS. Happy Friday peeps and let’s hope the rain keeps falling and remember…..A mullet is Gods way of making Oklahoma relevant.

#crossfit #cult #empireliving

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Hey! Did you know California is in a Drought???

Dear drought and lawmakers,

Quick fun fact to start off the day…We are in a drought. I don’t need to be reminded of this every time I turn on the TV, open the daily fish wrap or find myself browsing online for something other than a mail order bride. All I need to figure out the dire predicament that we Californian’s find ourselves in is the senses that God blessed me with and simple math most of us picked up courtesy of the California Public School System. It’s pretty self-explanatory, when you use more water than what you have or what is replenished than you will suffer from what is a drought. See, I told you it was simple! California is home to one of the most plentiful supplies of clean water in the world. Our river systems, storage and snow pack has continued to bring the most precious of commodities to farmers, ranchers and cities for over 100 years. A lot of people out there say the problem is Southern California alone and there pools and pristinely green lawns (cough, cough...Ag community). Those of you that do sound ignorant and uneducated. If anything, the people to the south should be used as a model for communities throughout the state on conservation at an urban level. The real problem is that our state has grown in both human and livestock population and permanent crop acreage while the system that feeds its thirst has stayed at levels that were barely sustainable 40 years ago. Like anything that will generate campaign dollars and votes lawmakers from Sacramento to Washington DC are scrambling to come up with answers and solutions to a problem that shouldn’t exist in a state that is the 12th largest economy in the world along with keeping it fed on a year round basis. Why is it that you only act in haste and without logic under dire circumstances? A kid shoots a classmate so you rush to ban all guns. An investor bilks millions of dollars from his clients so you put a stop to capitalism and now the latest bad solutions to our water issues. I have a better idea for the ones that call themselves Assemblyman and woman, members of Congress and Senators….Be proactive. Invoke change. To put it more eloquently do the job that you were voted into office to do. Make better use of the water that we have and implement new storage facilities to save in the years when God cries less. Make better use of the Sacramento River instead of allowing millions of gallons of fresh water to run out into the Pacific Ocean. Environmentalists will eventually realize that we will be the endangered species if we lack reliable water sources in the future. This logic applies not only to lawmakers but to the general population as well as farmers and ranchers. People, don’t water your lawn every day. Farmers don’t plant high water use crops in areas that historically has been a desert. So easy, straightforward and logical. By implementing real change to the system we can fix a long standing problem that California has faced. If all else fails let’s just blame Obama……

PS. Happy hump day peeps on this beautiful rain soaked day and remember….There are only 3 ways to motivate people: money, fear and hunger.

#California #drought #water #empireliving

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

From Russia with love...Your 2014 Winter Olympics

Dear Sochi Olympics,

I have a question to ask. Russia, remember when you were relevant? You use to collect gold medals like Kate Upton collects fan mail from prisoners. You brought the world Communism, the arms race, vodka and Ivan Drago but as soon as the great Ronald Reagan uttered those historic words, “tear down this wall” and the Soviet Union began to crumble it brought an end to drug use among your athletes, women who frequented the men’s bathroom more often than the women’s and your athletic dominance. Vladimir Putin I get it. While I’m not a supporter of your politics I am a huge fan of your personal endeavors. The most interesting man in the world pales to your exploits of flying with Canadian geese, bareback rides through the Russian countryside topless and the general wrestling of bears and catching fish with your bare hands. Your antics are the standard for every man out there. While there is nothing wrong with the winter games being staged at a resort community in your homeland you failed in the delivery of the product. First when picking a community to present the Winter Olympics try not to showcase the one on the “Russian Riviera” where 70 degrees and sun are the norm this time of year. Winter in most parts of the world other than California and now Sochi is associated with snow and parkas. When you have to store the precious white stuff (snow not coke Hollywood) in large man made insulated structures it means you have picked a bad place to put on this event. I mean you have Siberia. As you drift closer towards your Cold War era politics you could have shown off the jewel of that time. Who doesn’t love prison camps, a lack of pigmentation and vodka as a form of warmth. The next challenge you presented yourself was once picking the wrong community you decided to spend 100 times your GDP in lipstick for the proverbial pig. $52 billion dollars on bad snow, subpar venues and a below average gold medal count for the host country is unacceptable on all levels. If I was a Russian athlete who failed to medal I would be smuggling myself out of the country as quickly as possible because that priceless look on Putin’s face after the men’s hockey team failed to show the Finnish what the “Motherland” was all about in the quarterfinals has a whole different meaning to the natives. Finally please stage the events live in a time zone that is meaningful for the country’s that dominate international competition in the winter genera. Yes, I’m talking about us the United States and our favorite fashion accessory the “hat” or as it is known on maps…Canada. I don’t feel that it is fair to us or the Maple Leaf’s above that we have to be awake at 3:30 AM on a Tuesday to cheer our countries on to the perennial gold’s we collect in hockey, skiing, snowboarding. You know the sports that actually matter to people more than every 4 years. You try to solve this problem by bringing us a tape delayed saturated version of the events of the day in prime time but that is about as exciting as giving a teenager a Playboy and telling him to only read the articles. Plus did someone fail to inform Bob Costas that he should shy away from the pillows that aren’t his own after Taco Tuesday in the athlete’s village? My god I’ve not seen a case of pink eye like that since grade school. As 9:30 AM approaches here on the west coast and I find myself scampering to find an establishment that is both open and serves cocktails on a Wednesday so I may cheer my beloved USA men’s hockey team to our inevitable gold I leave you with these words…..USA! USA! USA! God Bless.

PS. Happy hump day peeps on a surprisingly wet Wednesday and remember….Hangovers are God’s way of giving you a thumbs up for the previous night’s performance.

#sochi #winterolympics #empireliving

Friday, February 14, 2014

Who's your favorite Saint on Valentine's Day???

Dear Valentine’s Day,

Chances are today you will be spending the evening with the person you love. It may be at an elegant restaurant which you secured a reservation months in advance or it could entail a romantic dinner at home accompanied by some flowers and chocolate you picked up on the way home from work. As a couple you will gaze into each other’s eyes and expound to each other the virtues of your love and what you mean to one another on this 45th day of the year. On the other end of the spectrum if you’re single you will be getting together with other “single by choice” friends out there to drink up and celebrate the many advantages of being single on a day like Valentine’s Day. You know those ones of emptiness, low self-worth, and loneliness….Um…cough…cough,  excuse me I mean the sense of freedom, never having to compromise and dating whoever you want to. Have you ever sat back and wondered why so much emphasis is put into this day towards love or the hatred of it? Is it because you have been told over and over through a constant media blitz and isle after isle of every major retail store filled with all things red and heart shaped which now starts just after New Years that this day above all the others is when love counts the most thus making you love it when you are associated with a special someone or loath it when you are not? Let’s delve a little deeper into the history of V-day. The origins of this day go back to a 3rd century Roman Catholic priest who just happened to call it quits full time on February 14th. Yes, please remember that tonight you will be celebrating in one form or another the death of some old grey haired that just happened to have “Saint” bestowed upon him before the performance of making three miracles happen was vogue. Both of these theories aside, shouldn't you love someone 365 days a year and every fourth you love them for an extra day no matter what society tells you? I know some of you are asking yourself; “Hey, he keeps going on and on about this subject but still hasn't giving any insight into what he is doing on this Valentine’s Day weekend and what his thoughts are concerning it on this self-proclaimed “holiday of love”.” Me…..I’m a St. Patty's Day fan. It’s always the same whether you are married, dating or single. It’s the one day a year that gingers and the Irish are not angry for who they are and everyone wears green and it’s ok to pinch the opposite sex if they are not, along with drinking your face off from 6AM till closing and have the time of your life!!!! Now that my friends is my idea of LOVE…..

PS. Happy Friday peeps and I hope you all enjoy this weekend along with praying for some more of that precious precipitation that California needs and remember…..Don’t talk about puppy dogs and ice cream when you are paying by the hour. 

#valentinesday #saints #empireliving