Friday, February 20, 2015

The Bachelor: Given farmers a bad rep one episode at a time

Dear Chris Soules of the Bachelor,

For years numerous friends have told me that I should toss my name into the hat as a contestant on “The Bachelor”. They informed me that America needs someone that is “real” along with being handsome, charming, witty and engaging (hey, there words not mine). Additionally, what better way to bring light to agriculture then to have millions of viewers tune in each week and watch a farmer find love one rose ceremony at a time. I am here to tell you and the rest of America that I am sorry… I blame myself for not following through with these requests and thus, the result of my lack of action is this poor example of a “farmer” that ABC brings you every week on the latest installment of the Bachelor. When Paul Harvey penned, “So God made a Farmer” he was not talking about Chris Soules. Farmers do not shovel grain out of silos wearing 7 for all Mankind jeans and designer Italian loafers. Ranchers do not ride around on a horse checking dairy cattle in a RVCA shirt with freshly removed sleeves and a pair of skinny jeans you picked up at the Diesel store in Des Moines. I know, you are all saying to yourself, “Marcus, aren’t you the one that is constantly trying to change how we picture a farmer in America?” The answer to that is indubitably YES, but even I don’t wear what I’m going to the club in later that night to the ranch in the morning. Rhinestone pocketed jeans are made for Friday nights and look best when worn by women not Monday morning solving the world’s problems with Earl and the boys at the local coffee shop (Andy Stone this means you also). It’s not just the clothing choices that this self-anointed “prince farming” makes but it is the lack of “the whole package” that he brings us each week. Let me expound on this. The art of finding a significant other to not only date but eventually spend the rest of your life with takes many skills. The first of these is the ability to put words together and form sentences. Most people call this “talking” and is something we learn to do as adolescences. Chris Soules on the other hand takes the simple art of conversation and turn it into something that resembles the Cookie Monster after an all-night bender of vodka and bad decisions. It pains me to hear what his response is when one of the girls asks him how his day is. How many “ummmms” and blank stares can one fit into their daily communication? Other talents that women look for when searching for a significant other include humor, intelligence and attractiveness. All of which are mostly attainable for the general male population in one form or another. Once again, Chris fails in these categories. When you lack one or all of these basic life skills there is that one trump card that most of us can’t fall back on…BEING RICH! Yes, Chris you land into this category thanks to your parents farming empire and the lottery you won by being born into it, congrats! This fact alone will insure that one of the finalists makes her way to the land of corn and a lack in elevation and call you husband for a nominal period of time. The old adage is that “any press is good press” when it comes to the media. In the case of the Bachelor masquerading as a farmer this statement can be tossed out the door. It is going to take years to convince the public that we are not what they witness for 2 hours every Monday night. Chris, with only three women remaining I’ll forget about all the damage you have done to the perceived image the public has of a farmer by cutting Becca lose. I think she would look much better in Northern California….Wait, who am I kidding you would screw that up also. This farmer needs a hug….

PS. Happy Friday peeps on this beautiful day in God’s Country. Enjoy your weekend and remember….If your pants are too tight you should probably stop shopping at the Baby Gap.

#Bachelor #ABC #chrissoules #Iowa #corn #pricefarming #empireliving

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Vaccinations..Thank you modern medicine

Dear vaccination of children debate,

In your lifetime have you ever suffered from Polio? Nope. The measles? No to that. Ok, how about tuberculosis? What’s that you say? A negative on that also. I’m not the Surgeon General nor do I claim to be a doctor, nurse or have ever earned any fancy letters to follow my signature. I frown upon needles and will not let the person I care for and trust the most insert an IV in me. With that disclaimer out of the way (the lawyers have been getting after me) I want to pass along some sage medical advice….. Vaccinating your children is a GOOD thing. The miracle of modern medicine and the advent of vaccines has either eradicated or greatly reduced a number of diseases that before were a major cause of fatalities not only among newborns and young children but also adults. Parents who choose to avoid life saving vaccines for their children like the plague (I got jokes) are not only putting their own child at risk but are exposing their peers to the possibility of being affected by any number of life threating diseases. I know what you naysayers are thinking. “Marcus, how can a kid contract a disease that it has been immunized for? The only one that is at risk is my own child.”….. WRONG! Not all immunizations shots are given at birth. A great number are not administrated until after the first month of a child’s life. Also, there are numerous children who suffer from immune conditions that leave them vulnerable to life threating diseases even though they have been vaccinated. Yep, your judgment is solitary in its actions. Parents who don’t believe in the immunization of their children often refer to the “herd immunity” mentality when it comes to protecting them from an infectious disease. If the majority of their peers are vaccinated they have no worries….WRONG again. With more parents refraining from the use of vaccines the more susceptible the “herd” is to contracting a life threating disease. To borrow from the realm of agriculture, if you have one sick cow, he is going to have an impact on the entire herd. Vaccine preventable diseases flourish where there is no herd immunity. It’s science. The fear that some parents also claim is that vaccines in children lead to an increased risk of autism later in childhood. So what you’re telling me is that you are willing to risk your son or daughter’s wellbeing because you read a small sample study from some European country that there “might” be a correlation between the two? In the bluntest way possible, I’m saying you should probably reassess your parenting abilities. Personal belief isn’t going to keep your child healthy. Polio doesn’t care what you think, it only wants to disable or kill your offspring. Religion isn’t going to prevent your child from contracting TB. Believing in God is going to give you hope if he or she ever suffers from this crippling disease while medication works it course in saving them. Progress and the advancement in medicine is what has increased our life expectancy from 46 to 74 over the last hundred years. It has wiped polio and smallpox from our vocabulary. I’m not saying to not ask your doctor questions when it comes to the wellbeing of your child, what I am stating is that the aforementioned numbers don’t lie and you don’t need a prescription for that...

PS. Happy hump day peeps on this sunny Wednesday. Get out on enjoy some vitamin D and remember….Always be touching her, even when your hands cannot reach.