Ignorance is color blind

Dear Ferguson rioters,

Let’s go to the score card from last night’s activities:

·         12 plus businesses badly damaged or destroyed.

·         3 police cars burned to the ground.

·         61 arrests.

·         Thousands of dollars of merchandise looted and dreams destroyed.  

This is what mayhem, bedlam and the destruction of your home accomplish:

·         One black male is still dead.

Congratulations, you just set civil rights along with humanity as a whole back 100 years! Who is to blame for all of this? The answer is actually quite simple. In a society where 90% of violent crimes against blacks are committed by blacks themselves, yet there are no protests, calls for justice or major media coverage concerning this issue. You know why? It is the same reason that you don’t hear about white on white violent crimes which happen at right around the same clip. It’s because the “race baiters” in society have nothing to gain from it. Where is Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, etc. when the above mentioned crimes are being perpetrated? Nowhere, because there are no camera present or dollars to be made. The race card is only relevant when there is something to gain. The dream that Martin Luther King had has turned into a multi-million dollar industry for the above mentioned players and others like them, and the ones who suffer are the people that they are reported to help. When this situation calms down and the TV cameras disappear, they will move on to the next “cause” and not take the time to look back at the destruction that is left behind. The problem with communities like Ferguson and others like it is that it’s too easy to blame others for the situations that it faces. I have heard over and over about the racial makeup of the city council, school board and police force and how blacks have no voice. In a town where 67% of the voting population is black, if 100% did there civic duty and voted then these publicly determined positions would be filled by the demographics that the town represents. That math works at both Chico State and Harvard. It’s not a matter of race and hatred, it’s a matter of ignorance and laziness. Use your God given right as a citizen of the United States to make a difference and vote. Race didn’t kill Michael Brown, the ignorance of attacking a police officer did. Racism didn’t cause the city council and police force of Ferguson to be white, the laziness of the voting public determined that. Race did not cause the violence seen in this same city last night, the race baiting of the lazy and the ignorant did and the community is ultimately the one who suffers. Ignorance and laziness sees no color, unless it’s told too….Merica.

PS. Happy Tuesday peeps on this holiday week, may you have a drink in your hand as it comes to an early close and remember…..You’re either at the table or on the menu.

#Ferguson #riots #michaelbrown #empireliving 

Your 2014 Pop Music Awards...Wait, that was country???

Dear 2014 CMA Awards,

Good morning and welcome to what I believe is my 3^rd or 4^th annual CMA Awards review. As I have looked back over the previous material that I have written about the state of Nashville country music, it seems that it has moved further away from what we would describe as “country”, and has drifted closer to what the definition of “pop” music is. After claiming last year would be my last review and against my better judgment and the well-being of my TV, I grabbed a drink and positioned myself on the couch for 3 hours to bring you the latest installment of the CMA Awards:

1.       Jimmy Buffet is the opening act of the night. Hippies dancing around, a rainbow painted school bus and a light show that had me contemplating dropping acid. What’s not country about that? Wait…What???...That was Kenny Chesney???...Makes perfect sense.

2.       Next act on stage is the dude from Rascal Flatt’s sporting a dress and extensions and singing the current pop anthem “All about that bass”. Two performances down and 20 minutes into the show and have yet to hear a tune concerning momma, trains, trucks or getting drunk.

3.       Brad Paisley, I have run out of hat jokes. You win.

4.       It’s nice to see Julia Roberts on stage with Brad and Carrie to announce the first award of the night. I’ve been wondering what she’s been up too.

5.       Florida/Georgia Line make their first appearance prompting me to reach for the remote for the first time. Due to the reviews of the past, my TV is currently fearless of this threat.

6.       Do you think Jason Aldean has already cheated on the new wife that he cheated on the last wife with? The fame that comes with starring in Benny Brown Ford commercials is sometimes too much to bear on a relationship.

7.       Another year of Jon Bon Jovi on stage and still no Bad Medicine. Go with what got you there, no one wants to hear this new country sound of yours. What???...That’s Keith Urban???

8.       Do you think Jesus finally hates Tim Tebow for appearing on stage with Hootie?

9.       Kacey Musgrave, the crackers are still on the nightstand and don’t even think about taking that bump-it off.

10.   The coal miner’s daughter still has a little left in those pipes.

11.   The jury is still out on whether Jason Aldean is currently on stage or if that is indeed Reno Rosser.  

12.   Only Nashville could ruin something as perfect as day drinking.

13.   What is an Ariana Grande?

14.   A little over an hour into the show and just hit the info button on the remote to make sure that this indeed was the country music awards.

15.   Florida and Georgia, having a hot sister still will not get me to like you.

16.   What is a Cole Swindell?

17.   Dierks, you get a pass on the jeans and bracelet. I’m a big fan.

18.   Guitar solos and shaking your hands around as if you’ve just suffered a seizure is the latest item to be added to the Nashville starter kit.

19.   Another year passes and still no hate for Blake Shelton.

20.   For the record, although we did share crackers, I am not Carrie Underwood’s baby’s daddy.

21.   Looks like Luke Bryan took advantage of the all things black end of summer sale at the Baby Gap.

22.   Fell asleep for 20 minute to be awoken to what appears to be the season finale of “Celebrity Biggest Loser”. I am very proud of you Vince Gill.

23.   Eric Church has come full circle. Welcome back to real country, I knew you could do it.

24.   For some reason the next act sounds and looks like the Doobie Brothers.

25.   Show is almost over and still no Taylor Swift sighting. That’s something to smile about.

26.   My night has perked up, Chris Gaines has just taken the stage.

27.   Luke Bryan “Entertainer of the Year” Let that sink in…

3 hours of my life that I’ll never get back, a mild buzz and the final nail into the Nashville country music coffin. This is one thing that can’t be pinned on Bush or Obama…..

Happy Thursday peeps on once again an amazing November day in God’s Country. The weekend is fast approaching so enjoy yourself and remember….There’s no time for bullshit when you’re building an empire.

#2014CMAs #nashville #skinnyjeans #leatherbracelets #empireliving

Republicans: Stick to your roots and change the game

Dear Republicans,

Woooo Hooo! You did it!...After years of the voting majority of the country believing that “Change” was what was right for the United States, the American people realized that true “Change” is what is needed to fix a broken system not only in Washington DC but across the landscape of this great nation. Now don’t screw it up!...I know you are all as ecstatic and giddy as a sorority girl on free Uggs giveaway night at the local Starbucks in the fall but that doesn’t mean you lose sight of the big picture and what got you elected to office. You all know what I’m talking about. Don’t be that youngest child who finally has the freedom to run the family business after years of being told what to do. The one who is drunk on power and will stop at nothing to leave their own lasting impressing on the company no matter how much it negatively effects the rest. This is what happened to the last administration and its followers, which has lead us to the disaster that we must right as a country today. Another piece of sage advice I would like to share with you is that the media and members of the Republican Party need to stop referring to any candidate who is a fresh face and has new ideas as the next “Ronald Reagan”. There is no bigger supporter of the 40^th President of the United States then the beer drinking, gun toting, freedom loving rice farmer who is writing this piece you are currently reading, but there will never be a “next” Ronald Reagan just like we will never see someone crush a fastball like Babe Ruth or hang in the air as long as Michael Jordan. They were all once in a generation game changers. Let’s focus on being the “first” and incorporate the ideologies of the great ones from the past like the immortal President Reagan into your agenda of fixing what is wrong with this country. Be the trendsetter that people are debating about being the “next” years down the road. Finally and most importantly, stay true to who you are and the people of the United States. Do not let Washington, politics and money detour you on your quest to fix what is wrong. Stick to the agenda at hand and make myself and the rest of the people who check “Republican” at the ballot box smile and not have us shaking our heads a few years from now. God Bless and most importantly…Merica!

PS. Happy Hump Day peeps on this gorgeous November day. Let’s make liberalism an endangered species and remember….Don’t ever trust someone who bites their ice cream without flinching. That just isn’t natural.

#election2014 #vote #republicans #empireliving 

Democracy works better when you vote

Dear United States citizens,

Countries go to wars over it. Empires fall because of it. People risk their lives in order to partake in it. It’s the basis of what a democracy stands for. If you answered “alcohol” after each I’m not going to argue with you, but what I’m looking for on this first Tuesday in November is your ability as a citizen of the greatest country in the world to vote. Yes, you have the power to change things. I know this may sound cliché, but it is true. Voting is what makes this country what it is. It offers everyone a chance to make a difference whether they are running for office themselves or electing someone that shares in their views and opinions on what their local, state or federal government should stand for. It has shaped this country since a bunch of wig wearing, feather scribbling bad asses thumbed their noses to a monarchy on the other side of the pond and continues to this day…Merica! Without the ability to vote, musicians would not be senators, actors could not become governors and idiot’s our president. People who fail to vote are constantly blaming the system as unfair and corrupt. They feel that one person never makes a difference and the constant barrage of all things political leading up to an election turns them off on the process as a whole. If you ask me, dealing with a mailbox constantly stuffed with trash, political ads that make local commercials tolerable and the abundance of signs that simply appear over the course of a night on every corner, fence or field within a 100 mile radius of a candidate’s district or referendum far outweighs the option of referring to someone as “your majesty” or the strong possibility of losing an appendage for your political views. As a person with future political aspirations and enough skeletons in the closet to fulfill these dreams, take the time today to make your way to your local polling facility and cast your vote. It doesn’t matter if you are Republican or Democrat, conservative or liberal, what you do today makes a difference in the future of this country you call home, plus they give you a sticker to show off to all your friends. I’m Marcus Monroe and I approve this ad…

PS. Happy Election Tuesday peeps, make a difference and remember….If it doesn’t include meat, it’s a snack. Merica.  

#vote #rockthevote #electiontuesday #empireliving

Farmers and Ranchers: Our own worst enemy

Dear leaders of the farming and ranching community along with “Agvocates”,

Monday was a good day. Rice harvest finished up and I decided to fulfill my civic duty as a pillar of the agriculture community and took part in a discussion at Chico State titled “The Future of the Farm”. The topic to be debated was “Can meat and dairy be produced “sustainably” to feed the planet?” If you’re asking yourself, “He went to a discussion most likely filled with Obama votes, Birkenstocks, a lack of general hygiene and folks who have never seen a farm other than Michael Pollan’s utopia of what the food system should look like?!?” Yes, I did, but being this is the first one of these I have attend in some time I made sure I had the natural Xanax of two beers and a shot in me to refrain from any Tourette moments I am prone to when participating in something I am passionate about (Did not want to disappoint ya’ll). The two person panel chosen to debate the topic consisted of David Simon, a lawyer from Southern California who is the general council of a healthcare company and is the author of the book “Meatonomics”. These credentials obviously makes him a foremost expert on farming, ranching and production agriculture. Megan Brown, cattle rancher and world renowned agriculture and food blogger occupied the chair next to Mr. Simon. This debate played out like most when you pit two ideological views against each other. Mr. Simon started the discussion in textbook fashion with pictures of animal cruelty at “factory farms” and facts taking out of content and blaming subsidies and “corporate farms” with what is wrong with agriculture before comparing the chicken and beef industry to the tobacco industry and then ending with all meats should be taxed as if it was a pack of cigarettes. Once again this guy is an expert on agriculture. Ms. Brown’s rebuttal was informative and was presented in a way that even the people who don’t agree with the consumption of meat products were able to be bipartisan towards a view not of their own. One statement Megan made that stood out among all others to me was; “We are our own worst enemy” when it came to describing the lack of communication the agriculture industry has with the public. I’ll get back to this statement in a moment. What concerned me with this discussion was not only the lack of attendance by members of the agricultural community but also by the lack of participation by the so called “leaders” of my industry. Faculty, students, local Ag organizations, etc. were presented with the opportunity to be a part of the discussion yet according to the mediator declined. If this is true, I’m not only dissatisfied by the institution that I proudly call my alma mater, it reiterates the previous mentioned fact that agriculture is its own worst enemy. As my blog has progressed and I look to ways to increase my reach to others, “experts” concerning social media have told me that I need to stick with one genera when it comes to my topics of discussion, meaning that I write about the trials and tribulation of farming. While I truly enjoy covering this topic both in print and pictures it does not help the bigger cause of getting our message out to others. The agricultural industry will never progress if it continues to preach to its own concerning topics of importance to the rest of society. Agriculture needs more people like Megan Brown who tackle issues that our out of our comfort zone and less cowboy hats and dirty boots sitting in the coffee shop solving the world’s problems one cup at a time….

PS. Happy hump day peeps and please forgive me for the harvest sabbatical. Have a great one and remember….A burrito is just a sleeping bag for some tasty meat.

#Beefjar #agvocates #Davidsimon #chicostateag #empireliving

High waisted shorts: The bro tank of the female species

Dear high waisted shorts,

We have all seen it before. First the fashion world brought us the mistake known as the “bell bottom” in the 60’s and 70’s. As we rolled into the 80’s and 90’s we were subjected to peg pants and neon hues. The early 2000’s through today has blessed us with bro tanks and skinny jeans. Years after another trend hits we look back on it and wonder “who is this idiot in this picture and why is he/she dressed like such a dickhead?!” Now as we have progressed as a society you would think that what appears on the catwalk in Paris, London or New York every year would not find its way to the closets of everyday people….WRONG! At bars, concerts and college campuses across the country the latest craze is taking place. Just like its aforementioned predecessors, what started out as a fad among a few outliers has progressed into a full blown pandemic as spring turned into summer. Yes, I am talking about you high waisted shorts and the effect you are having on the natural attraction of a male to a women is mind boggling. High waisted shorts are the bro tank for the female species. You see, no one likes them yet once you see someone wearing them you must follow suit. It is a look that takes the “muffin top” to the next level. This revelation alone should make all ladies who own a pair of this fashion misstep to burn them in liberation. Now usually there is a portion of society that can pull off a look when all others fail. This portion is usually referred to as “hot chick” (which also can be referenced as “Kate Upton”) or “Tom Brady” but in this instance these analogies fail. Even with all the above stated flaws with this look for some reason hot, ugly, fat, skinny, sorority girl, country chick, girl next door, and etc. have continued to choose jeans shorts that are cut off as if they were cotton granny panties that nestle just below your chest and pair it with a t-shirt from a concert you never attended that you added a frayed sleeve look to and precede to tuck this into the previously mentioned shorts to complete an appearance that has most males and females shaking their head. Ladies, I know it’s hard to take fashion advise from a guy who’s closet consist of plaid and pearl snaps along with a Chive shirt sprinkled in from time to time but I am an expert at beautiful women and this trend is taking the “beautiful” out of that equation. When choosing your next ensemble for a night on the town, shy away from something that is common place in trailer parks and honey boo boo’s mom’s closet. With winter fast approaching and the anticipation of yoga pants, Uggs and sweatshirts that it brings, one can only hope that it also leads to the death of yet another of society’s lapses in judgment….

PS. Hello peeps on this first rainy day of the season, here’s too many more albeit this farmer hope is they wait till November to bless us and remember….Why pay the doctor to make you better when you can pay the farmer to make you healthy. Now that that’s advice you usually have to pay for.

#highwaistedshorts #fashionmistakes #empireliving 

9/11: My generation's Pearl Harbor

Dear 9/11,

Where were you…….

It started off as a typical Tuesday. Up, shower, dress and hurry out the house for an 8AM meeting that I was already late for. In the hustle of grabbing my things, while harassing one roommate and waking up the other so she wouldn't be late for work, I failed to turn on the radio per my routine as I got dressed and repeated this mistake with the TV as I was grabbing a quick bite out of the fridge. Just a little after 6AM my phone started ringing. Being that this was the beginning of fall and most of my growers that I took care of as an agronomist were busy with harvest, it was unusual to receive a call at this hour. Glancing at the screen on the best flip phone with horrible service money could buy (thank you Nextel) it was my mother. Now the only time my mother calls is for two things: To nag and to nag some more. Seeing that it was her I let it go to voice mail. Placing my phone down on the counter I went back to my morning routine only to be interrupted by a ringing phone once more. It was again my mother. This process repeated itself once more before I picked up the phone to see what was so important this early in the morning. Before I could answer with my customary greeting for her, “What do you want?” she was screaming that we were being bombed. She repeated this over and over hysterically (and those of you who know Kathy, know she has cornered the market on hysterical) before I could get in a word edge wise. Upon calming down, I asked her just what the hell she was talking about. She then informed me to turn on the TV and as I scrambled for the remote and hit the power button the scene that was being played out before my eyes could only be described as something out of a Michael Bay movie. I screamed at my roommates to get in the living room as we witnessed the 2^nd plane hit the towers. As we watched the terror unfold, news reports were sketchy with talks of other planes hitting landmarks and bombs being placed in schools, I abruptly told my mother I loved her, hung up the phone and called friends in Chico to make sure they were alright. As the day played out and the information on what had actually happened became more concrete, the emotions of disgust, hate, anger, retaliation, sadness, etc. overwhelmed me like most Americans. President Bush took to the airwaves to address the nation on the tragedy that had unfolded earlier in the day. His historic words reassured myself and the rest of the nation why the United States is the greatest country in the world:

“Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America. These acts shatter steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve. America was targeted for attack because we're the brightest beacon for freedom and opportunity in the world. And no one will keep that light from shining.” – George W. Bush

13 years later the words of this iconic address still stands true. From Al Qaeda to the current threat from ISIS we are a country that despite our differences, stand united when it comes to one thing….America. God Bless…..

PS. I only have three words for you to remember on this day….NEVER FORGET. Merica.  

#9/11 #America #neverforget #UnitedStates #empireliving 

Dating in your late 20's and into your 30's...According to this expert

Dear dating in your late 20’s and through your 30’s,

I get approached constantly on topics to write about or discuss. Lately the subject of dating has been broached by both male and female friends. Most have either been in a long term relationship or a marriage which has recently ended. Some have kids and some don’t. The question they all ask me is how and when do they get back into the dating “game” and how exactly does it work now?  Being that I’ve somehow managed to keep myself single all these years I qualify as a one of the foremost experts on the subject and am willing to share some sage advice at no cost to you….

My life guide to dating (late 20’s and through your 30’s):

1.       If you are jumping back into the dating game after a long period of time it can be scary. Change is hard for all of us, especially when it comes to intimately interacting with someone new. The best way to deal with this is to use the “Crawl, walk, run” method. It is exactly as it sounds. You have to crawl before you either walk or run in anything you do in life and we all have our own pace on getting to the next step. Always remember to do what feels best to you.

2.       I use to believe that there was a certain “time table” when it came to dating after being in a long relationship or marriage. I’m here to tell you there ISN’T. If you meet someone whether it’s been a few days, a week or months and it feels right, then it probably is. There is no calendar to this.

3.       Take a chance! If you are interested in someone they will never know unless you take that leap of faith and put yourself out there. That person at the coffee shop, gym, grocery store, bar, etc. may just be thinking the same thing about you.

4.       It used to be easy to know when you were in a relationship with someone but for some reason as we get older this changes. At a young age it was as simple as checking “yes” or “no” on a box or asking the girl or guy to be your significant other. The key as with everything is communication. Be upfront with each other on what you want now and as you move forward. It takes the guessing and uncertainty out of the equation.  

5.       TALK to each other. I’m not talking about a text or via Facebook, pick up the phone and call them. The emotion in the human voice in a one on one conversation can never be replaced.  

6.       LISTEN to each other. I don’t know how many times I have to reinforce that point.

7.       Be HONEST. Whether you are 21 or 31 this never goes out of style.

8.       Have FUN! This is what life is all about.

9.       If you don’t find someone right away that you click with don’t worry, it will eventually happen. Never settle for anything in life, especially if it’s someone that you want to share yours with.

The best advice I can give is if you are with someone currently or looking for that special person is to never “stop dating”. When we find ourselves in a relationship we tend to get into a comfort zone and forget the things we did to catch the eye of, or impress that special someone. Never use the excuse of work, a busy life or later children to get in the way of you and your significant other. Take each other to dinner, see a movie, hold hands when he or she least expects it, send her flowers, leave a little note on their windshield and let them know what they mean to you and most of all….tell her she’s beautiful. Trust me that never gets old….

PS. Happy Hump Day peeps as we move closer to harvest and remember….The one thing about the ground is it doesn't give much.

#dating #advice #marriage #drphil #empireliving

ISIS...We are the United States, have you heard of us???

Dear ISIS (Islamic state of Iraq and Syria),

Let me present to you a simple question….Haven’t you learned from those that came before you?  History is filled with numerous terrorist organizations like yourselves who use hate, fear, murder, manipulation and propaganda in an attempt at world tyranny. In case you may have forgot, let me refresh your memory along with the results of each of their actions:

1.       Nazi Germany: FAIL.

2.       Dr. Evil: FAIL. (sharks with lasers almost was our downfall)

3.       Al Qaeda: FAIL.

4.       Insert any Islamic group here: FAIL.

You are no different than your predecessors other than the fact that you have mastered the art of social media and its power from a cave. You continue to taunt us with televised be-headings of journalists and the abduction of American’s volunteering in relief efforts in war torn regions of the middle east along with the killing of your own people, who wouldn't conform to your Islamic (there’s that word again) beliefs all in the name of Allah. With all these heinous deeds what do you think you are going to accomplish? To borrow a phrase from every celebrity or athlete who has ever been pulled over by the police….Don’t you know who we are??? It is time for a Lee Greenwood, Toby Keith, Hank Williams Jr. moment (parental discretion advised)….We are the United States of America. For 238 years we have been “thee” world super power, along with coming to the aid of our allies on every continent. We have two world war wins to our credit and have been victorious in numerous conflicts across the globe. It took us just over a month to invade and conquer the very country that you derive your name from while it was under control of the most powerful dictator of the last 30 years. What do you think you are going to accomplish with your actions other than transforming the mud huts and mountain lairs you call home to rubble? I would also like to send a special shout out to the Americans who side with ISIS’s cause of killing innocent men, women and children and denounce a country who has given it every opportunity to succeed by traveling to far off locals in an attempt to bring harm to the United States and our allies. Let us save you the cost of a plane ticket to those paradise like destinations such as Iraq and Syria and fast track you to those 72 virgins you are so looking forward to seeing. Whoooooa……..Tanks, bald eagles, hamburgers, stars and stripes and football!!! Sometimes my love for my country overtakes rational thought, but I’m a proud American and will never apologize for that. The point I’m trying to make in the most patriotic way possible is that your actions are only moving you closer to your demise which in the grand scheme of things is better for the rest of us. So keep up the good work, we are looking forward to adding you as another notch on the United States bed post….Merica.

PS. Happy last Thursday of August peeps, make it an outstanding one and remember…..If liberals hate you, you’re doing something right.

#ISIS #Iraq #Syria #beheadings #USA #empireliving 

Taming Las Vegas...Round 2

Dear Las Vegas,

Things that may or may not have happened last time I visited you:

1.       The liquor store on the way to the Bellagio was liquidated of all forms and sizes of Tito’s.

2.       You do not get upgraded to the rain man suite if you drop the name “Cosby” or “black dog”.

3.       Win $1,000 at the roulette table using the “5 step” full proof plan to winning that never fails.

4.       Lose $1,200 at the roulette table using the “5 step” full proof plan to winning that never fails.

5.       Remove all the furniture from your suite (I have no idea how we ended up with one) to the elevator and then ride that elevator up and down and ask people at every floor when the door opens; “What are you doing in my room?” This scares Asian people quite possibly more than Godzilla.

6.       Order room service consisting of plate after plate of bacon and Pacifico’s for breakfast. (This is actually a fabulous idea anywhere I might add.)

7.       Once again Cosby’s fame has not reached Las Vegas. Dropping his name at the club does not get you a table and bottle service. (We need to work on this)

8.       Spend day at the pool surrounded by Canadian women and letting them know there are much better clothing options other than denim and plaid while also expounding on how lucky they are to be America’s hat. (I know, charmer right?)

9.       Contemplate marrying a Canadian beauty and thus being able to experience what free health care is really like and also securing a lifetime supply of maple syrup only to be left on the way to the alter to an offer by the would be maid of honor of a new pair of heals at Gucci for the bride to be.  

10.    Realizing that $2 will get you a double top shelf vodka and lemon in Chico but will only get you a couple of ice cubes in your drink in Vegas.

I’ve given Las Vegas a year to pick itself up off the floor and lick the wounds that were delivered to it courtesy of my last visit and will be making my triumph return to this mistake in the desert in a few short days with some unfinished business from the last trip yet to be accomplished. If you own, frequent or live near some these following attractions this is your warning…

1.       Walk into club and pass umbrellas out to all in attendance and inform them that, yes it maybe August, but rain is in the forecast.

2.        Pump numerous rounds of ammo through a plethora of automatic weapons why sipping on a cocktail at one of Vegas’s famous ranges and experience what it’s like to be Dan Bilzerian for a brief moment. (Men, if you don’t know who this is, turn in your card)

3.       Be Kate Upton’s drunken mistake. (You hear that Justin Verlander??? Who’s got the better fastball now?)

4.       Sit in a cabana by the pool and have the likes of Leo and the Bieb’s ask themselves just who is that guy?

You’ve got have goals peeps…….

PS. Happy hump day from God’s Country peeps, enjoy it and remember…. Anything less than your “A” game is a failing grade.

#LasVegas #Vegas #Barsottibachelorparty #idiots #empireliving 

Death, riots and looting...Yep sounds like Middle America

Dear Ferguson, Missouri residents,

A tragedy occurred last Saturday in a small community outside of St. Louis. Now it’s not a tragedy because Michael Brown is black, a child and was unarmed when he died like the newswires and social media continues to report on. It’s a tragedy because someone lost their life. There are always two sides to every story in life and this is no different. When the incident took place people were quick to blame law enforcement with the cries of police brutality and the murder of an innocent citizen along with justice must be served. A picture was carefully painted to us that Michael Brown was an innocent black child walking home with a friend and was gunned down in cold blood by a white police officer in plain daylight. But wait….You’re telling me there is more to this story??? You don’t say??? Recent information has now surfaced that Michael Brown and his friend were suspects in a strong-armed robbery that had just taking place at a convenient store. There is also evidence to suggest that there was a confrontation between Mr. Brown and the officer and a struggle for the policeman’s gun. His current state was not the one of the child that is provided to you by the media. He was an 18 year old man who weighed close to three bills. So what side do you believe? I’m putting my money on is the untold story. We are too quick to judge and take sides as a society. Just because an idiot (Note to people reading my literature for the first time, I love that word) of Al Sharpton’s stature gets on a soap box every time there is a headline that involves the words “black”, “racism” and “exposure” do you need to fall in line with his beliefs. Let the process play out and form an opinion once all the facts are presented to you. The reaction to the events that took place I will never understand. Why do people find it necessary to riot, burn and loot the place you call home? It doesn’t show an act of solidarity coming together as a community, it demonstrates to the world that you are an uncivilized heathen or in better terms an idiot. Please tell me how does stealing TV’s, booze, Nikes, etc. and then setting fire to a building bring Michael Brown back???...It doesn’t. This followed by the response of tear gas and heavily armed officers in riot gear and armored vehicles had me doing a double take to make sure I was still living in America. When I think of the Midwest, corn, factories and bad football come to mind not Beirut or Baghdad. At the end of the day a life was lost which by any means is sad. Let’s just remember that we live in a country where we are innocent until proven guilty or have we all been quick to forget about that fact…..

PS. Happy Friday peeps, I drank Bud Light last night so pardon me on the briefness of this post and remember….Everybody has soul, it’s the ones who dance that are special.

#Ferguson #michaelbrown #stlouis #riots #empireliving

Talking & listening: A better alternative to depression

Dear Robin Williams,

Loving wife….Check.

3 children….Check.

102 acting credits….Check.

54 entertainment awards….Check.

1 Oscar….Check.

$5.16 billion dollars in total box office receipts….Check.  

Loved by millions of fans….Check.

Now if you ask me, all these above things are pretty good. It illustrates someone who has made it spiritually, socially and professionally in life. Apparently Robin Williams didn’t think so. We all have demons inside of us that we struggle with and face challenges every day in life. Not one person who is reading this can say to themselves that at some point and time they didn’t wonder if the world would be a better place if they left, be it triggered by pain or stress from family, work, a relationship or just everyday occurrences. Suicide is a horrible thing and I’ve always said it’s a copout for dealing with your problems. It is a selfish act that affects your family, friends and loved ones and is a burden that they have to deal with for the rest of their lives. Depression and addiction is what we as society blame when a tragedy like this takes place. Depression affects us all. It can be triggered by numerous situations that we encounter in life and we all have distinctive ways to deal with the struggles of it. Some drink there problems away why others go for a run or hit the weights. You may open a good book alone when feeling down or chose to surround yourself with company while some may seek medical attention for it through the form of a prescription. There are two distinct and lost art forms that people in this day and age of disconnect with text messages, emails and social media that we fail to utilize when the struggles of life starts to take its toll on us……Talking and listening. Now it seems so simple but for some it isn’t. People fail to open up to others for fear of getting judged and therefore hurt more. Trusting and confiding in someone is a huge step which I struggle with myself. Finding that person or group that you can opening up to is a huge step in self-preservation. While the majority of us are fluent when it comes to chatting up someone we fail at the latter in listening. Whether male or female most of us want to try and fix the problem right away when all the person wants at the time is for someone to lend an ear. If there is a lesson that I’ve learned that has benefited me most in life, it is to know when someone is looking for answers or just needs an audience (guys, you might want to write that down). The power of human interaction at an intimate level of conversation can do more for the soul then any form of pill out there folks. Next time when you are feeling down find that special someone you can talk to whether it be a family member, friend, loved one, etc. and if that doesn’t work do what I do sometimes, check out a Walmart on a Sunday morning. 20 minutes there will make you realize that your life pretty damn awesome…..

PS. I hope you are having a great Tuesday peeps, hug someone today, they’ll appreciate it and remember…..”Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money” – RW…….

#robinwilliams #suicide #depression #empireliving 

Judging...The art of the high school reunion

Dear high school reunion,

Some fun facts and items of interest that occurred in my youth:

1.       The world was introduced to Forrest Gump and The Lion King.  

2.       The man who ruined music by popularizing the “grunge” movement Kurt Cobain, decided that turning his head into a block of Swiss cheese was a better option than being famous.  

3.       The Wonderbra was invented, thus introducing the male population to the term “false advertisement”.

4.       O.J. Simpson, better known as “The Juice” ushered in the advent of “reality TV” with his famous low speed car chase in Los Angeles after transforming his ex-wife and her friend into human Pez dispensers…..Allegedly.

5.       The Dallas Cowboys were Super Bowl champions. (This was obviously pre-Bitch Tits)

6.       Beverly Hills 90210 and Melrose Place were must watch TV. (Let Donna Martin graduate!)

7.       Before R. Kelly was using under aged girls as restrooms he was topping the charts with a lil Bump and Grind.

8.       Garth Brooks dominated radio and country music and had yet to introduce us to Chris Gaines.

9.       Woodland Wolves football and baseball ruled the high school landscape. (Orange Crush!)

10.   If you had a pager you weren’t a drug dealer you were cool. If you had a cell phone you were rich.

If you are asking yourself why I am enlighten you with these tid-bits from my early youth, Saturday marks my next high school reunion and with it comes the anticipation of good times, memories and catching up with a lot of people that have not connected for some time. Your second reunion is always the one that you look forward to the most. Your first one whether it’s five years or ten comes at a point in your life when you are just really getting your footing and establishing yourself in the world. Jobs are new, family are starting and homes are being purchased for the first time. The second is where we are presumed to be in the “prime” of our lives and you take a long look at people and see what they’ve made of themselves in life….Yes, it is when you will be judged. People will look at you and question why you’re not married, why you have or not have kids, how come you’ve been divorced, why are you married to that girl or guy or why you are dating him or her. They will question what you do for a living in an attempt to see if they are doing as well as you are and visa-versa. Now in this day and age of Facebook and other social media avenues it’s much easier to follow peoples live that you grew up with and stay in touch but it still doesn’t take the place of the human aspect that face to face conversation brings you. People will ask you about “regrets” and “what if’s”. My answer to this is we all have them no matter what you may think. It is how we learn life lessons and better ourselves and you move forward and don’t look back on them. I can proudly say I have lived my life to the fullest thus far. I’ve succeeded, failed, laughed, cried and have had a hell of a time along the way and look forward to all that the future brings. So as I roll up to the event come Saturday night in my Ferrari, tipping with Benjamin’s and Kate Upton by my side I’m not worrying about the “what if’s” that most of us ask ourselves because I’m right where I belong….

PS. Happy Friday peeps and I hope you find yourself enjoying an ice cold beverage this weekend, make it a good one and remember…..Cocktails are always in good spirits. Coincidence??? I think not.

#Woodland #highschool #classreunion #empireliving

My continued fascination with mainstream country music

Dear 2014 CMA Music Fest,

My Tuesdays are like most everyone’s. I work, go to the gym, cook dinner and watch some TV. This is pretty standard for me on most weeknights. After dinner I found myself sitting on the couch, so I grabbed the remote to see what the best is that $79.99 of Comcast has to offer. Some talent show…No. Dudes catching crab, smoking and yelling at each other. Tempting, but again no. The next click brought me to the 2014 CMA Music Fest. Now you all know my distaste for mainstream country but I found myself not wanting to change the channel. My mind was torn, I’ve done so many reviews on Nashville country another one just would be a repeat of the previous, but I couldn’t help myself but watch it in its entirety, it is almost like I suffer from Stockholm syndrome when it comes to this genera of music. It is because of this, for your pleasure I present my 2014 CMA Music Fest review:

1.       Nashville has become keen to my likes. They start the show with not just one but two hot blondes trying to sway my hate for mainstream country. It is as if I’ve become the hunted.

2.       Carrie Underwood, that box of crackers is still sitting next to my bed.

3.       No dice. The next act is that boy band from the south. You need to build momentum in order to change my opinion. Know your audience.

4.       Still I try, but I can find no hate for Blake Shelton.

5.       It looks like Tim McGraw has contracted the Ebola virus. My prayers are with you.

6.       It’s currently 8:30pm and I’m in Chico so for the record that fat d-bag singing “Happy” is not me. My god, introduce yourself to something green and some cardio son.

7.       A song titled “Day Drinking”. I’ve finally found something Nashville related I can get behind.

8.       Hunter Hayes, stuttering through a song and wearing a white t-shirt and jeans doesn’t make you a country star, it makes you a pledge. Now get me a beer.

9.       I am pretty sure that Jason Aldean is the guy who checked my ID at the Crazy Horse last weekend.

10.   If I am a reporter covering Nashville and mainstream country I’m posting up at the nearest Baby Gap in the jeans section.

11.   Why doesn’t Taylor Swift take a swipe at Tim McGraw’s pants?

12.   Tim, I like you but at no time should your wife, especially when she is Faith Hill be bigger than you. You know the whole salad and cardio thing??? Forget about it and find some doughnuts.

13.   An hour into yet another country show and no sign of Taylor or Hootie. Vodka is still in the cupboard and remote safely on the coffee table.

14.   Eric Church must be catching on. Deciding not to paint your pants on as a man is a good thing.

15.   People who reside in both Florida and Georgia are seeking new residency.

16.   I’ve found what happened to Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit fame. He is now performing under the stage name Brantley Gilbert. It’s all about the nookie folks.

17.   2 hours into the show and the only cowboy hat to be seen was on the guy that checks ID’s at the Crazy Horse. This is a country show right?

18.   Add black wife beaters to the Nashville starter kit.

19.   Do you think Zac Brown’s ears are actually cold?

20.   Sometime if you throw enough mud against a wall something will stick. Literally was the best rendition of “Dead or Alive” that I’ve ever heard.

21.   80’s hairband metal has infiltrated itself into mainstream country. I am seriously confused by your tactics.

22.   Brad Paisley, I’ve run out of witty comments concerning your hat.

23.   Trucks, parking lots and now planes. Mainstream country is fixing to run out of places to get drunk at.

24.   Justin Moore, I have no idea who you are or care to know but playing with Motley Crue just helped your cause.

25.   3 hours and 4 cowboy hats...Yep, this once again screams country.

26.   They inform me they’ve saved the best for last. Hootie then appears on my screen. To tired and cash poor to insert another remote into the TV. Going to bed. Night. Night…..

PS. Happy hump day peeps on this muggy first week of August. Make it a good one and remember….Confidence smiles and arrogance smirks and no one has ever found smirking attractive.

#CMA #musicfest #Nashville #mainstreamcountry #empireliving

Society's answer to everything....Take a pill

Dear Medication of America,

You’re having sleepless nights…..Take a pill.

The stress of life is too much for you to handle…..Take a pill.

The kids are constantly full of energy and won’t listen….Give them a pill.

Are you starting to see a pattern here that we have as a society fallen into???...The advancement of modern medicine and its effect on the world as we know it today is probably mankind’s greatest achievement of the last 100 years. With it has come the eradications of diseases such as polio and the discoveries of both antibiotics and other lifesaving compounds that has increased the life span and quality of life for the human race. With all the good that modern medicine has brought us there is also a downside to it. As medicine has continued to advance, the cure for all our issues in life has come down to taking a pill. Like most things, we in the United States like to do things bigger and better than the rest of the world. A study conducted recently stated that over 70% of Americans are on some type of prescription drug. Wait, it gets better because that same study showed that 20% took five or more pills a day but that’s not all folks, over 14% of the population is on some form of antidepressants. I would like to say that these numbers astonish me but it takes a lot to do that these days. I’m affected by two disorders that if they were brought forth to a physician, would be prescribed medication to control. I suffer from what would be described in medical terms as both OCD and ADD. Shocking right to those of you who are close to me? (Insert joke here). On any given day I will find myself walking into a room more than once to make sure everything is in perfect order or as I walk out the front door turning to see that the rug is perfectly aligned between the outline of the tile. My clothes have to be ironed everyday no matter if it’s for a wedding or going to the duck blind. I fidget constantly with things, especially my phone and can’t sit still for a long amounts of time and given a certain task I am “rain man” like in accomplishing it at first, but will lose focus a lot of times. Obviously I need medication to control this…..WRONG. I have found other avenues to help with these and other issues and it doesn’t call for popping a pill. I’ve learned that things like exercise, sports, reading, writing (your welcome), surrounding myself with amazing people and most of all just constantly working on correcting these things have served me well in life with dealing with these issues. Now I’m not saying that all of life’s problems can be solved like this. There are certain mental and physical disorders that require medication, but us as a society need to realize that when someone is having a bad day they don’t need a prescription.

So a little advise from Dr. Monroe on a Friday….

If you’re having a sleepless night….Exercise.

The stress of life is getting to you…..Have a drink or two. (I may recommend 4 in some cases)

Your kids are bouncing off the walls and are not listening to you….Take away the computer and exile them to the outdoors to run around and cause mischief, trust me they will like it.

Now that’s free advise that Dr. Oz isn’t even handing out….

PS. Happy Friday peeps on this hot first day of August, have an amazing weekend and remember….If she makes you a mixtape, that my friend is a keeper.

#pills #america #medication #droz #ADD #OCD #empireliving

Jesse Ventura and feather boas...Whoops I might get sued

Dear Jesse Ventura,

Jesse Ventura has held many titles over the years. He’s a veteran who served as a member of the Navy Underwater Demolition Team (UDT). He left the military life to pursue a career in the professional wrestling field where he picked up the title “The Body” which he is still identified with today. From there he moved into the acting world with unforgettable parts starring alongside Arnold Schwarzenegger in the “Predator” and Sylvester Stallone in “Demolition Man”. After failing to win an Oscar, politics was obviously the likely next step in his career path. From small town mayor he ran a grass roots campaign and won the Governorship of Minnesota 1998. Once out of office, “The Body” did what most political figures do, he turned to a lucrative career in television with a reality series, numerous news spots and political commentary to his credit. You would think that he would ride off into the sunset and enjoy life in his later years….WRONG!!! This is the so called “Body” and he felt that he needed to add something more to his long and poignant career……D-BAG. Yesterday he received $1.8 million dollars from the estate of the now deceased former Navy SEAL, American hero and best-selling author Chris Kyle to settle a defamation lawsuit concerning an excerpt from his book “American Sniper”. In the book, Chris Kyle describes a fight that he got into with someone famous who was bad mouthing SEALS and the military in general. Although “The Body” was never mentioned by name, Kyle did state in later interviews that it was in fact the man who use to sport a feather boa as a fashion accessory. Being that “The Body” has run out of conspiracies to chase the next viable option to make a buck was to go after an American hero who has done well. He filed a lawsuit against Kyle and the accusations in the book to the tune of $28 million dollars. That “Body” is a stand-up guy. Chris Kyle donated his time to helping soldiers with post-traumatic stress disorder. It is because of this that he lost his life at such a young age when a fellow veteran that he was helping turned a gun on him and took his life. So you would think that with the tragedy that struck the Kyle family that “The Body” would drop the lawsuit and move on…..WRONG!!! He pressed on until he was eventually paid the aforementioned amount. “Body”, you gained nothing by winning this lawsuit other than holding the current title of “World’s biggest D-Bag” which is not an easy thing to do with the Bieb’s everyday antics. If you want to truly protect your image as you’ve claimed in numerous interview since the verdict, give the money back to Chris Kyle’s widow and her children and if you can’t bring yourself to choosing “Plan A” of doing the right thing move on to “Plan B” and donate it all back to a fund that helps wounded soldiers and their families. Take a page from your wrestling days and be the “good guy” instead of the “heal” and don’t worry you can still sport that pink boa, no judging here….

PS. Happy Hump Day peeps on this last Wednesday in July, hope it’s been amazing for you and remember….The real power of a man is defined by the size of the smile of the woman sitting next to him.

#jesseventura #thebody #chriskyle #americansniper #empireliving

Faith: Bringing out the best in our community

Dear faith and human spirit,

I use to think that the measure of “given” could only be quantified in two ways…Monetary and time based. The recent tragedy that struck the Chico State Alpha Gamma Rho family when fellow alumni Lowell Forward was paralyzed from the chest down as a result of an unforeseen accident and the events that took place after has changed my thoughts concerning this. Last week I stated that the outpouring of support for Lowell, his wife Jennifer and their children in such a short amount of time left me speechless. Now those of you who know me can attest that this does not happen often. Another thing that transpires about as much as the previously mentioned subject is my ability to generate tears. This usually only takes place for one of the following reasons:

1.       A Cowboys playoff victory.

2.       The loss of a loved one or pet. (Those of you who knew Kobie can attest to this.)

3.       When a bartender or waiter/waitress informs me they don’t serve Tito’s vodka.

4.       Movies including: “Field of Dreams”, “8 Seconds” and “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure”.

5.       The day your dad tells you he loves you.

Well, I’ve got another one to add to that list. Yesterday, I received a message from Lowell’s wife Jennifer and could not get through it without losing it. Please forgive me for not sharing this touching letter with you but out of respect her some things are better left private. Something dawned on me once I read this. There is another way to give and that is through “faith”. The definition of this word has a couple of meanings. The first obviously being; “the existence of God or strong religious beliefs”. The other definition associated with this word is just as unmistakable as the first with it stating; “A strong trust in someone or something”. The given of money and time are always appreciated when it comes to helping someone out no matter how menial or large that task may be. By adding faith to the equation it motivates a person that much more. Faith is what picks up the human spirit and drives most people towards their goals. This is what triggered the outpouring of support for Lowell and his family in this time of need. Speaking of that I would like to update you on where the donations currently stand. Over the course of the weekend the goal of $10,000 was met within a few short hours and currently sits at almost $20,000. Once again…Speechless. As I continue to receive updates as donations pour in from not only here in Chico but from people across the country it brings a smile to my face in knowing that all of us are bound by these things: Chico State, Greek, AGR, Family, Friends, Faith…..If you ask me these are all great things…..

PS. Happy hump date peeps on this cool end of July day. Continue to send donations to http://www.gofundme.com/lowellforward and remember.....It’s not about the number of no’s you hear in life it’s about the times you hear yes.

#lowellforward #gofundme #Chicostate #AGR #faith #family #empireliving

Lowell Forward: The AGR family has your back

Dear Alpha Gamma Rho fraternity (and the entire Chico State Greek system),

Life can change in the blink of an eye. One minute you are going through your daily routine like you have over and over again for what seems like a lifetime and then one moment whether it is small or significant can put you on a path that you weren’t prepared for. A few days ago Lowell Forward, a Chico State graduate, AGR alumni, teacher, husband, father and great guy experienced this. While working on the roof of a home it gave way on him unexpectedly and he crashed to the floor breaking the T-4 vertebrate in his spine in the process. The result from this injury will leave him paralyzed from just below the chest line for the rest of his life. Now if you know Lowell, this tragedy will not be treated as a setback but as motivation for the rest of his life. Since you now know some background on the adversity that Lowell and his family are going through I want to brief you on the reaction that the Chico State AGR community has had to the actions that have taken place. A web page though the crowd funding website “gofundme.com” was set up by a close friend of Lowell’s named Todd Swagerty with a goal of raising $10,000 for medical costs and allowing for a ADA remodel of his home. It was quickly posted to a group page that the Beta Kappa Chapter (Chico State) has set-up on Facebook which purpose is to get the word out about the goings on at the fraternity currently and alumni updates, so in other words perfect for the task at hand. Upon seeing this unfortunate news concerning a fellow alumni I did what any of us would do….Help a brother in need. When I first viewed the post it was sitting at around $200 in total donation and had been live for about 20 hours. Between working the phones and the talent that God blessed me with when it comes to the power of social media and the gift of gab the AGR community along with their mothers, fathers, friends and family made that number jump to over $6,000 in the matter of a couple of hours. By this morning that number had grown to the goal of $10,000 in a few hours and continues to increase with the current money count at almost $12, 000. This outpouring of monetary support along with the pledges from brothers who will donate their time, labor and materials needed to make the necessary changes to the Forward’s home has done something that I thought couldn’t be done…..I’m speechless. The Greek Community at Chico State continues to take a beating from Paul Zing and local law enforcement as the “problem” that is wrong with Chico and the university. We are blamed from issues ranging from alcohol to crime to lackluster performance in academics. We are called “drinking clubs” who have no business being part of an institution of higher learning. Paul Zingg…This is a shining example what the Greek Community truly is. We are a group of men and women both active and alumni who like our cocktails and fun like the rest of society but who come together and support our own in a time of need that is unmatched. I am proud to call myself Greek and to have been part of the Alpha Gamma Rho fraternity as an active member and now as an alumni. Stay strong Lowell and know that you’ve got the power of thousands behind you…..Go Wildcat’s!

PS. Peeps, here is the link to the website: http://www.gofundme.com/lowellforward. Every little bit counts and remember……Paying for your friends last a lifetime.

#Lowellforward #chicostate #greeks #AGR #paulzingg #gofundme #betakappa #betapilove #empireliving

Hello there drought, I would like to ask you to leave now

Dear California Water Crisis,

Fun fact for everyone out there: California is in a drought. There are many reasons on why and how we have come to this point ranging from the lack of storage facilities in the form of new reservoirs (bureaucrats) to unmet conservation measures (city dwellers) to inadequate and outdated irrigation methods (farmers) and finally to the lack of rain and snow that we have seen fall (Mother Nature). What I’m trying to say is that there is not just one person or persons to point the finger at and blame for California’s current water or lack of water situation. In the last week I’ve seen all these ugly aforementioned realities first hand. Flashback to Saturday and a quick trip to Lake Oroville to enjoy an ice cold beverage and much needed time on the water (I know, I don’t get enough of it). The lake which has just over 3.5 million acre feet of storage and holds on average around 2.7 million acre feet during the month of July was sitting at 1.3 million acre feet, so roughly 1/3 of total capacity. Now I know that we all didn’t call Chico State home for 6 years so numbers might not be your expertise but the point I’m trying to make is that without above average moisture during the winter months we are in trouble. It should not take someone 20 minutes to walk from the launch to the water no matter what shape they are in. I live in a fairly nice section of Chico which I like to refer to as the “Hollywood Hills”. Trees line the streets along with rich luscious foliage and all with well-trimmed, green lawns….Except for mine. Sprinklers run at all hours as each neighbor tries to outdo the other to achieve a front yard that would make AT&T Park look like a parking lot. Sunday as I was driving to SoCal (this is what they like to call anything south of Butte Co. in these parts) I passed numerous older blocks of trees that were well past their prime production years and shall we say not being farmed with best management practices in mind. Weeds were prevalent throughout along with the different methods of watering systems being used during the peak heat hours of the day. The point that I am so eloquently trying to make with the picture I have painted is that we are all in this together. The only solution that will solve the immediate problem is for the skies to open (preferably after harvest) and it to rain and snow like we haven’t seen in years. The more long term solution is to address all these issues. Let’s invest in the future with more storage facilities. Make conservation a priority. Don’t water your lawn 5 days a week along with washing the car. If you farm, continue to monitor your usage and update your irrigation systems. When times are good like they are currently in the industry put it back into the product. All stake holders must put aside their differences for the benefit of us as a whole. Until then I’m going to keep praying for that rain….

PS. Happy Thursday peeps on this cool, yet southern feeling day in the north state. Enjoy it and remember….Tell someone special they’re beautiful, they won’t get tired of hearing it.

#drought #California #jerrybrown #empireliving

Soccer...Ain't no one got time for that

Dear World Cup,

It’s been a week since the United States was eliminated from soccer’s version of the Super Bowl and the collective hope of 10’s of peoples dream of soccer being relevant to the rest of us across the nation came to a screeching halt. What is the fascination with a sport that is popular among the 6 to 12 year old suburbanite demographic but can’t seem to catch on with the rest of the country? Every four years we are inundated with a media blitz of Olympic proportion that attempts to convince us that soccer matters. I’m here to tell you in the bluntest manner that it doesn’t. The facts that back this assumption up are insurmountable to the purists of the sport. You see we are a developed nation with tastes that lean more towards sports that take more skill than running up and down a field for 80 minutes with not a score in sight. Running around and chasing things and not scoring is something I did in college. It was below average then and even worse now. God gave us hands for a reason other than creating fire and tools. They are meant to throw balls and also catch them along with controlling wood and metal objects with the sole purpose of hitting the previously mentioned ball. We like our professional sports figures to have preferably two names thus given us the opportunity to at least pronounce one right. This point alone eliminates over 120 million people who call the Southern United States home as a potential fan base. Americans most of all like our athletes tough and full of heart. Think Kirk Gibson hobbling to the plate in the World Series, Jack Youngblood excelling in the Super Bowl with a broken leg or NBA legend Willis Reed limping onto the court with a torn muscle in his leg to lead the Knicks to a victory all those years ago. Hell, just turn on a National Hockey League game on any given night to see athletes that leave everything on the playing field. Soccer players get within 10 yards of each other and they are falling, flailing and grabbing appendages as if they just ran across an IED. Stretchers are meant for people who have been hurt or maimed, not grown men who’s unsavory choice in dental care only outweighs there stylist. The argument that soccer sucks continues to add up with each point laid before you. This is not must watch TV, its three weeks of CSPAN in primetime. You want me to like soccer? It’s simple, don’t be soccer and keep handing out those Capri Suns and orange slices because everyone has time for that….

PS. Happy hump day peeps and sorry it’s been so long, work and writers block are a terrible thing when you’re trying to bring smiles to the masses and remember…..If there’s one thing you can be sure of in life, its corn dogs.

PS2: For those of you who love to see follow me as a stagger through life in style, check me out on Instagram @ Riceking501. I promise you won’t be disappointed.

#worldcup #USA #Brazil #soccersucks #thirdworldsport #empireliving

1st world problems...Not just for hipsters and white girls

Dear 1^st world problems,

Sunday I suffered a first in my life. No, I’m not talking about a weekend abstaining from the act of “trickle-down economics” among the numerous bars in Chico or having a kid show up on my doorstep claiming that I’m his father and this time it being real (this happens more than you would think and my advisor fears it will be detrimental to my political career). Let me paint a picture for you…In the middle of the hottest stretch of the year thus far in California the air conditioner in my home decided to sit this one out. At first I said to myself; “No, problem, the house is well insulated and it will be fixed in no time.” Sunday turned to Monday and as a phone call was made to fix the issue the response on the other end of the line was not what I wanted to hear. “Sir, we will be out on Thursday to take care of your problem.” Using simple Chico State math I deduced that I had another 3 days until my house would be able to hang meat in it again. This was not to my liking but I said to myself, “No problem, you grew up without the benefit of this luxury, so if you were able to tolerate it then, you could now.” Upon entering my house after suffering from near heat exhaustion at the gym (only the best decisions are made at crossfit) I was hit with a blast of air as if the furnace was on. I strolled over to my thermostat to find the ungodly number of “90” staring back at me. After turning on all available fans in the house I took a cold shower and laid down in bed once again assuring myself that the heat was no big deal. As the next day brought more oppressive heat and another sleepless night I became more agitated in my dealings with everyone. I felt that the property management company wasn’t catering to my needs and thus another phone call was needed. First it was the summer intern answering phones who dealt with my wrath. For every analogy and reason I gave her on why I should have mine fixed right away I was met with apology after apology. Once again, this was not to my liking. The next person in line was the property manager herself and as I explained to her that you wouldn’t leave an 80 year old geriatric suffering in this heat (I’m in the ballpark but not close) and other examples that a no practicing or licensed lawyer could come up with it when it donned on me……I was suffering from 1^st world problems. I thought that these were only things you read about or were only experienced by hipsters and suburban white women…But this was real. I paused and gathered myself and thanked her for the help and the knowledge that they would take care of my issue. In a modern society where we are afforded the luxuries that we have it sometimes gets lost in translation that the only things we truly need to survive are food, water and shelter. Lessons like this are life’s way of letting us know that no matter how bad you think your situation is, life is good. Usually a trip to the Walmart on a Sunday will do this for me…

PS. Happy Hump Day peeps, stay cool and remember…..Money is the fuel for all choices.

#1stworldproblems #life #empireliving