Dear ACM Awards,
As my Sunday was winding down and I prepared to meet some friends for dinner and a relaxing end to my evening it happened. First it was a single text message. Then it was followed by two, three and four more from friends. Next, the alerts on social media that someone had posted something concerning me and numerous people were commenting on it. As I wrapped up dinner and checked what all the commotion was about it dawned on me….Tonight was the ACM Awards show. One of the yearly tributes to what Nashville defines as “country”.
Now I usually don't do a review of this show and focus my efforts on the CMT version of this debacle but you the fans have spoken so I present to you the 1st Annual ACM Awards Show review (unfortunately due to my lack of preparation, no Tito’s was consumed during this broadcast):
- As stated in the opening, due to a prior commitment I tune into the show 30 minutes late. Chris Stapleton is the first thing to appear on my television screen. I need to not be on time to these things more often.
- Ashley McBride needs to be added to the “what is going to save Nashville” starter pack.
- Maren Morris and that outfit. Currently on my way to Costco to clean them out of their cracker supply.
- George Strait is the greatest country singer of all time. Prove me wrong.
- I would never advocate violence but would someone please punch Cole Swindell in the face.
- Dan you suck. Shay you suck more.
- Show cuts to a Ford commercial with Florida Georgia line blasting on the radio. I am now a Chevy guy.
- Blake Shelton keeps singing about “God’s Country” yet has not mentioned Butte county, rice or Northern California yet. Someone please get him a map.
- Lighting the dude from Florida Georgia Line on fire would be the only time I would support burning the American flag.
- Midland is the best dressed act in country.
- Ronnie Dunn is what happens when you bury people in Stephen King’s pet cemetery.
- If Veggie Mite is illegal in the United States how come Keith Urban isn’t?
- Do you think Rhett Atkins looks at Thomas and gives him that “I’m not mad, I am disappointed" look.
- Eric Church is an icon.
- LANCO makes me miss Sam Hunt.
- Carrie Underwood’s legs are a national treasure. Don't get any ideas Nicholas Cage.
- Kane Brown to wardrobe person: “Make me look the opposite of country.” Wardrobe person: “Say no more….”
- Reba has that look tonight but I cant find the right word to describe it. I’m just going to go with fancy.
- Congratulations to Reno Rosser on winning the artist of the decade award. Hard work does pay off. Wait….That was Jason Aldean???
- “Let us out” -Jason Aldean’s nuts in those jeans purchased from the Baby Gap.
- Miranda appears on stage in a Santa outfit. I am now cleaning out the chimney and baking cookies awaiting her arrival.
- Female artist of the year goes to Kacey Musgraves. Miranda, if you need consoling, there’s plenty of crackers on the nightstand.
- Male artist of the year: Keith Urban. I see there’s been no progress made on that wall I requested between us and Australia.
- As I pick up the remote and prepare to launch it at the TV, Nashville throws me a changeup and closes the show with George. I have underestimated your tactics. The television survives another “country” awards show.
Another year and yet another disappointed awards show in the books. If I have learned one thing from doing these year in and year out is that if I had invested in tight jeans, leather bracelets and wallet chains when this began I would be a rich man. God Bless…..
PS. Happy Monday peeps from here in God’s Country. It felt good to write this and makes me once again realize I need to do this more often and remember…..Be a stiletto in a room full of flats….
#ACMawards #Nashville #Makecountrymusicgreatagain #realcountry #Buttestrong