Friday, July 26, 2013

KCCO brought to you by our 41st President

Dear George H.W. Bush,
With all the negativity that goes on in the world today it’s always nice to reflect on the things that are good out there. Some that come to mind are your child hitting his or hers first little league homerun or when you see a stranger graciously helping an elderly person cross the road or with bags they may be carrying. People do kind acts everyday such as these but they go unnoticed to the rest of society because they are not considered headlines in today’s hustle and bustle world.  It was a breath of fresh air to open up the paper today and see that amongst all the royal baby headlines and Al Sharpton trying to stay relevant with yet another march (I can see how he lost all his weight now) was a story about the matriarch of the Bush family, former president George H.W. Bush. Recently the 2 year old son of one of his security detail was stricken with leukemia and had begun to lose his hair because of the cancer treatment. As a show of support for the child whose name is Patrick, the 89 year former Commander in Chief along with the rest of his security team shaved their heads in solidarity. This wasn’t just a way for the 41st President of our country to stay relevant with a donation and a photo op. He and Barbara lost their 2nd child to the devastating disease over 60 years ago and understand the toll it takes on a family. The support that one can give in these situations no matter if it’s of the monetary form or by a gesture of unity can do wonders for the human spirit. The KCCO mentality is a good motto to live by and if you don’t know what I’m talking about you need to put down the bag phone and trade in that typewriter that you are pecking away on and experience some of the best the world has to offer of “paying it forward”. Random acts of kindness go a long way in this drinking game we call life and I want to salute the President for reminding me of it and that you don’t have to have a telethon or a camera crew with you to do it. Next time you find yourself out to dinner and it comes to leaving a tip or see a neighbor who may be down on his luck or just a stranger at the bar who looks like a beer would make there day, follow the lead of W’s pops and do something to put a smile on their face…The next time it just might be you.
PS. Happy Friday peeps on this extremely warm day in God’s Country. I hope you all have an amazing weekend as I’m off to the mountains for yet another wedding that’s not mine and remember….Do everything as if it’s your last cocktail.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Bangers, beans and the royal baby

Dear royal baby,
The news this week is full of headlines that are relevant to people around the nation. Some examples are: “Federal minimum wage goes four years without budging” which covers the money issues some families are facing in these trying economic times. Another one read; “Snowden to remain in transit zone of Moscow Airport for now” ok, that takes care of the problems in Washington. Let’s see what else is out there that is important to the world today??? hmmmmm…..Oh, what’s this??? “Harry’s less cool brother and wife give birth to their first child.”……Wait a second?! How is this noteworthy to anybody other than the people of Great Britain? Why is it that a baby being born to a monarchy that hasn’t been relevant since the advent of wooden ships is so noteworthy in this day and age? If I was a card carrying member of Russell Brand’s homeland I would not be rejoicing for another royal to join the list of numerous underachievers that come from a family tree that resembles something out of the South with its lack of branches than one that symbolizes the rulers of a country that is known more for its bad weather and brown golf courses. The royal family cost England to the tune of $310 million dollars per year and grows with each new member. The country must pray every time there is a story of Harry naked along with numerous strippers and not a condom in sight. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not a total hater when it comes to the red jackets. It has always been my belief that if everyone spoke with a British accent life would be much jollier and if every sentence ended with “that’s rubbish” people would smile just a little more. I just don’t see what all the fuss is about over Charlie and Di’s grandchild. 361,000 babies are born each day in the United States. Yes, that same country that thumbed its nose to the monarchy across the pond thus creating the nation that has dominating world affairs since 1776 and not a single one of them got airtime on the Today Show (there is a no touching policy of interns Matt…FYI). Out of that number numerous ones will grow up to be doctors, policeman, farmers or any other of the various professions out there and contribute much more to society than the yet unnamed bundle of joy. Speaking of that let’s all hope that Kate and Wills stick to the basics and not try to one up the Hamburgler and Kanye. I myself am voting for Carlos because I can picture it now….They say it rains in London a lot but just wait till Uncle Harry hits up Las Vegas with nephew and paparazzi  in tow and not a strip club in site that hate on the Euro….Long live the King.
PS. Happy hump day peeps! woot woot! Hope you are having a marvelous day and remember….Whiskey is just sunlight held together by water.

Friday, July 19, 2013

Drink tokens, salad's and rodeo

Dear Salinas Rodeo,
One of the greatest country music artists of our time Garth Brooks once sang; “It’s the ropes and reins the joy and the pain and they call the thing rodeo.”  If I didn’t have to worry about trademark and infringement rights, lawyers and Chris Gaines himself hunting me down and punish me by making me wear one of those shirts that even the Bieb’s wouldn’t go out in I would change those famous words for one weekend to; “It’s the Crown and the valley cold the Blasters and the good friends and some hoes and they call the thing the Salinas Rodeo” Yes it’s that time of year when the majority of people in the “Worlds Salad Bowl” break out the starched shirts, creased jeans and those amazing pointy toe boots to go along with the best cowboy hat that $20 can buy at the local Mercado and enjoy a week of what might be America’s true national pastime. For me it’s about not only getting to see some of the best athletes in the world perform and I’m not just talking about the human kind. I’m also talking about the horses, calves and bulls that train and compete at the highest level and are humble enough not  to stroll to the beer garden after a failed ride or round with their entry number still pinned to their back trying to consume whatever free drink will be passed their way and try to convince the fine ladies in attendance that yes they are really ranked in the top 10 in the world and just because they have a patch on their shirt that says they are sponsored by “Oroville Dentistry Services” doesn’t mean that they didn’t  fly in on a private jet with Ty Murray to get there. It’s also about seeing good friend, extended family and enjoying all that the Salinas Valley and Monterey Coast has to offer. It’s always a pleasure as I fight my way thorough churro vendors, taco stands and an occasional country music performance trying not to spill my $10 beers along the way to run into people that I only usually get to see during rodeo time. Rodeo’s like Salinas bring the real America out in masses and show the pride that the sport and the people that follow it exhibit.  People from all socially economic backgrounds come together in one spot to celebrate and cheer on the competitors win or lose. So if you find yourself at the rodeo grounds this weekend and make your way to the Crown Royal tent I have a pocket full of those gold coins they call drink tokens and say hi, because the next ones on me…Yeee Hawww!!!
PS. Happy Friday peeps and enjoy your weekend. It’s going to be hot in God’s Country so get by some water with a cold drink in your hand and remember….You’re not addicted to cocaine, you just enjoy the way it smells.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Heisman Trophy's shouldn't take away your youth

Dear Johnny Manziel haters,
I have a question for all of you out there. Do you remember being 20 years old? I know I do (some say I still live that life) and I had three things on my mind when I was that age and it was chicks, booze, chicks with booze and school (Chico State math). I lived in a six bedroom house with eight of my closet friends from back home. We were freshman and sophomores in college and away from home for the first time and lived like it. Dishes stacked in a Jenga like pattern ready to topple at the next spoon added to the pile…Check. Walls decorated with numerous drinking and tobacco memorabilia along with an occasional hole that no one knows how it got there…Check. Two slot kegerator with the finest Keystone Light on tap that $44 could buy…Check. Drunken nights that ended up with a dirt bike being rode throughout the house while flaming arrows were being fired through the surfboard propped up against the wall as ATF was raiding our house (It’s a Chico thing, if you didn’t live it you won’t understand)….Check. Johnny Manziel has stories and experiences like this plus much more. What I’m trying to say is that Johnny Football is just like any college kid his age. He wants to have a good time and be like everyone else in his peer group. Just because you are the first freshman to win a Heisman and have moves on the football field that would have Jagger salivating to go along with being the class of the QB crop in college football does not mean you need to act like the last two Republican candidates for president. He is still a kid and will make “kid” mistakes that if he was raised right by his parents he will learn from and grow as a person. Why should he have to be any different than the kid in his same class majoring in Communications who plays intramural softball in his spare time? As the numerous media outlets continue to critique his every move I ask this question….Which one of us wouldn’t enjoy the fun and fame he has garnered at such a young age??? You are betting your ass that I would be rolling court side at the Lakers with Snoop or having numerous Aggieland hotties hanging off my every move. He is living every twenty year old red blooded male’s American dream and who are we to stand in his way? Johnny, having a passion for the burnt orange it makes it difficult for me to defend someone who should have a Longhorn on the side of his helmet but life is too short to always go with the safe pass. Keep going deep my friend both on the field and in life and let them continue to hate …Johnny be good.
PS. Happy hump day peeps on this very sunny afternoon.  Please take time to enjoy it and remember…Trust me, you can dance said the 12th shot later.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Two things that are good: True love and wine country

Dear wine country,

Quick repeat after me…Chardonnay, Pinot Noir, Merlot, Cabernet, Pinot Noir, Malbec, Bordeaux, Shiraz, Tempernillo and Blush (A shout out for my friends from Chico). These words roll off my tongue as if I was a pledge again reciting the Greek alphabet as fast as I could minus a burning match in my hand.  This weekend marks my return to the greatest wine region in the world and you can quickly sit back down Napa County. If I wanted something overrated and overhyped I would be holding 49er season tickets in my hands. No I am talking about Sonoma County home to some of the greatest and finest tasting grapes on this planet and always being one to support all aspects of agriculture I have a pocket full of cash and credit cards to purchase and indulge in something that even Jesus thought was better than water. The other and more important reason for this latest adventure in the drinking game I call life is to see two of my closest friends become man and wife. Tomorrow some of Chico’s finest alumni including numerous Delta Sigs, AD Pi’s and AGR’s (Yes Paul Zing we are all Greek and graduates and we still drink just as much minus a Buck Night) will gather in Kenwood to see Reid Cossey and Julie Cavellini join hands in marriage. It has been a long time in the making and instead of the usual rant concerning politics, sports or Kim Kardashian’s fat ass I wanted to give these two great people a shout out from one of their biggest fans. Their journey is a good example of why things happen for a reason and I am glad that I am there to spend this special day with them. So if you are a Chico State graduate or a past or present member of the Greek system or have just spent numerous nights at Riley’s or Joes if you find a drink in your hand tomorrow night raise it to these two fine alumni and toast….Congrats guys and here’s to a lifetime of cocktail’s and possibilities….

PS. Happy Friday peeps. Short, sweet and to the point. Have a great weekend and as you can see mine is about to begin and remember…..If you fail to eat the cookie you have no ambition. 

Thursday, July 11, 2013

The NFL's new favorite stat: Murder

Dear Aaron Hernandez, 

Let’s see here…..Grow up in a small town in Connecticut and earn a scholarship to one of the top football factories in the country at a university that is known more for its tan lines than academia….Check. Win a National Championship while making catch after catch from someone who Jesus now patterns his life after….Check. Get drafted by the classiest organization in the NFL with the opportunity to catch touchdown passes from Mrs. Gisele Bundchen….Check. You sign a mutli-year deal after your 3rd season in the league worth $47 million dollars thus setting you and your family up for life for playing a game for a living….Check. Allegedly murdering your fianc├ęs sisters boyfriend for talking to the wrong people while you were making it rain up in the club….Check. Whoa!!! Wait, pump the brakes! That’s not part of the All American feel good story that had not only ESPN but Telemundo salivating to be a part of their next documentary series. Did you really have to go and one up your teammate Ron Gronkowski? Being someone that likes to find the good in all situations I would like to thank you not because you cowardly took another man’s life but because you killed the phenomenon known as “Tebowing” with the simple act of showing the world that a person can rock a t-shirt over their arms while in the cold steel bracelet’s known as handcuffs and earn yourself a spot in pop culture with the fad now known as “Hernandezing” and giving every frat guy from here to the east coast something new to impress the ladies with at their local watering hole. What is the current fascination that NFL athletes have with killing people or committing other numerous felonies? What happened to the days of mounds of blow, fur coats and hookers running rampant through the team training room? At least the only thing that died there were marriages. I have a few ideas for current players and guys dreaming of making it in the pros. First you don’t need to cover yourself in prison tats and buy a gun which you have no clue of using besides what you saw the 20th time you watched Scarface. You are already larger and faster than the average human being thus making the rest of us scared of you already. Second, when someone disrespects you at the club or anywhere else you roll just walk away. You are making more in a year than homeboy will most likely see in his lifetime and you will not have any less street cred than what you rolled in with for the simple fact that you are most likely wearing designer jeans and have more gold on then Beyonce. Lastly, be a role model for the millions of kids who look up to you and aspire to be you someday, Let the kids remember you by your jersey number not your penal code number….

PS. Happy hump day peeps. I hope you all are back in the swing of things after a long holiday weekend. The next is right around the corner and I can’t wait and remember….There’s a little bit of farmer in all of us.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

My 3 favorite things....Merica, Merica and Merica

Dear United States of America,
237 years ago a group of colonies decided that they didn’t want to eat haggis and crumpets the rest of their lives along with being taxed by an overbearing government (doesn’t it sound similar to the situation today?) and thus did something that we all thank them for till this day. People ask me why I love this country so much with all the problems and differences we have with each other. I tell them that this is what makes you great and as bad as it seem sometimes (see current administration) it always bounces back. We are the biggest and baddest kid on the block and the rest of the world has tried to knock us down numerous times but we continue to stand our ground and being that we are the country that everyone runs to in a time of need no matter what you say about us the men and women of our military are ready at a moment’s notice to suit up in our away colors of camouflage to restore order where it’s needed and thwart the evil that some leaders bring (Please see Saddam, Adolf, Mussolini and Osama) and we continue to proudly hold the distinction of Back to Back World War Champions if you need us. We have survived numerous conflicts and wars and even when some fine gentleman from the South decided that it was proper to turn against the rest of the Union because they were too lazy to fetch their own tea or do their own farm work we stayed together and held strong. The catchphrase “Boston Strong” became popular after the bombing at the Boston Marathon and developed into an inspiration for the city that started the revolution with England by tossing overpriced tea into the harbor and put us on a path to becoming the country we are today. These people showed the resilience that all of us have and the phrase which should really be used is “America Strong”.  When the chips are down and things look there darkest we put aside our differences and come together for the good of you and like that famous Lee Greenwood song so eloquently put it “I gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today” So everyone as you wake up tomorrow and head to the lake, go to a BBQ or just spend quality time with friends and family make sure to wish the country that I so affectionately call “Merica” a happy birthday and thank her for all she’s done for us…..Here’s to another 237 years of running this planet we call Earth. MERICA!  
PS. Happy hump day peeps on this short and special holiday week. I hope all get to help celebrate the USA’s birthday with her and if you find yourself in Almanor and see a guy decked out in red, white and blue buy him a drink, he might just be me and remember…..Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyways. That’s John Wayne so you better listen.