Friday, January 31, 2014

State of the Union address vs. A thank you to the Military

Dear State of the Union address,

A lot of people have contacted me this week asking to write a piece on President Obama’s State of the Union address. Well my answer is……NO!!! Instead of focusing on the continuing fallacy of “hope and change” by the current administration I’ve chosen to concentrate on something that really shows the true spirit of what America is and reaffirms my faith in it….Army Sergeant 1st Class Cory Remsburg. If anybody should receive numerous standing ovations it should be men and women just like Cory who have sacrificed their lives on the reg to give us the opportunity to debate what is best for the United States no matter what social economical class, race, gender or political affiliation you identify with. First a little background on the man that for a brief moment brought both Democrats and Republicans together in agreement for a little over two minutes. Cory Remsburg joined the Army on his 18th birthday after his father refused to sign the paperwork for him as a 17 year old high school graduate. He worked his way up the military ladder along with becoming a member of the elite Army Rangers unit and in addition to this served ten tours of duty in Afghanistan and other regions of the Middle East. Yes folks you read that right, the man has put his life on the line for our country more times than most of you will go to the gym in a lifetime. On his 10th deployment he was struck by a roadside bomb with a blast so powerful he ended up in a canal adjacent to the road with injuries that included shrapnel to the brain and eye. Rescued by his unit he lay in a coma for three months. In the concurrent two plus years since, he has undergone numerous surgeries and hours of grueling rehab. Blind in his left eye and still struggling with his left side he perseveres to the time he can serve his country once again. This story would illicit tears from even Chuck Norris. Cory’s tragedy and triumph isn’t an anomaly. It is one of many that a multitude of active duty military personal and veterans both past and present have gone through to make your life better. They are just not publicized in a media for all of you to see. If you took anything away from Obama’s State of the Union address let it be that all politics aside there is a larger good that keeps us safe at night and protects us against all threats both foreign and domestic that in an instant may cost them their normalcy or even there life. As you know I always like to remind you to hug a farmer or rancher and thank them for the bountiful food supply they bring to your table but today I would like to add an addendum to include every person past or present who has ever served this country. You make it possible for the former request to happen….God Bless.  

PS. Happy Friday peeps on this Super Bowl of a weekend. Enjoy it with a cold drink in hand and remember….If you’re making her bite her lip, you are doing a damn good job.

#stateoftheunion #coryremsburg #america #empireliving 

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Musics big night...My 2014 Grammy's recap

Dear 2014 Grammy Awards,

As my writings have evolved and I’ve gained an ever growing and much appreciated following I have received numerous topics from the audience to address. This week you the fans have asked for a Grammy recap and not wanting to disappoint the 10’s of fans out there (there’s more of you I’m just trying to stay grounded) after a weekend of ducks, crab feeds and debauchery I settled on my couch to absorb my latest awards show and here are my thoughts for your entertainment and pleasure…

1.       Show opens with Beyonce in fishnet shorts. People who think they can change a gay male’s sexuality should not read them scriptures from the bible but show them that performance. It would scare Liberace straight.
2.       Is Pharrell trying to keep talking bears from stealing pic-a-nic baskets as his latest project?
3.       I keep waiting for Macklemore to go Vanilla Ice on us but he continues to dominate in a genera that has always been quite shy of all things pale.
4.       Are Daft Punk’s helmets either NFL or OSHA approved?
5.       Do you think God looks down at Katy Perry’s breasts and smiles knowing that some things he just got right?
6.       Why has Robin Thicke traded Billy Ray’s daughter for some senior citizens that can be seen on tour at any fair or casino across the country? Peter Cetera don’t you even think about twerking on that velour.
7.       Has anyone ever seen Keith Urban and Jon Bon Jovi on the same stage….Ever?
8.       An hour into the event and there has yet to be a Taylor Swift sighting. This has the makings of the best awards show yet.
9.       Why do I continue to jinx myself? She once again puts my TV’s safety in jeopardy.
10.   Is there a piano requirement for performers tonight?
11.   Taylor, I will not be tricked by your tactics of a good song, great dress and new found sexiness. You still will never be able to eat crackers in my bed.
12.   Pink has caught the Crossfit craze. My question now is why isn’t she teaching my classes in that outfit?
13.   Why are both male and female musicians going with the “Doug” hairstyle?
14.   Is there a Rosetta Stone Ozzy Osborne edition?  
15.   Remember when the Beetles revolutionized music? Ringo doesn’t.
16.   Kendrick Lamar and Imagine Dragons…Enough said.
17.   I’ve said this before…Kacey Musgraves’ voice with that unmistakable twang may just save Nashville.
18.   Willie, Kris and Merle together…All is right with country music again. God Bless.
19.   Kacey Musgraves has just been added to the list of people who can eat crackers in my bed. Did you hear that Taylor?
20.   Lorde will have her own Cadillac in the driveway after tonight.
21.   Metallica, remember when you guys were thee heavy metal band of our generation? You just turned every football player’s locker room pregame song into a rock opera. Bravo.   
22.   Hip hop artists have always been trendsetters in society. They brought us baggy jeans, backwards hats and gold chains. That same power now brings us the bolo tie. Well played Macklemore.
23.   Where did Madonna come from and why is she dressed like Boss Hog of Dukes of Hazzard fame?
24.   Miranda and Billy Joe Armstrong. So simple, yet so powerful.
25.   CBS makes the right call but cutting Trent Reznor and Fleetwood Mac’s performance short and rolling credits. The network realizes that no one will ever get those two and a half hours back.

Overall I was truly disappointed in the product that was put forth to me for over 2 ½ hours. No girls with daddy issues, no “F”bombs being dropped or wardrobe malfunctions.  When is that MTV award show again???....

PS. Happy Wednesday peeps on this blessing of a rain soaked hump day. Keep it up God and remember….If you’ve slept with Henry Winkler, you’re just another victim of a Fonzie Scheme.

#Grammys #awards #kaceymusgraves #empireliving 

Friday, January 24, 2014

Rain and are my Tito's and Kate Upton

Dear Rain and Snow,

Listen, I know we’ve had our problems in the past and I’m not always the best person to be around depending on the time of year. I know that I have yelled at you and been verbally abusive during the months of April and May in the spring and sometimes I was a little cold and grouchy during the month of October in the past but that’s just the farmer in me. I know you were finely fed up with my shenanigans when I woke up that morning in early November expecting to look outside the front door and see you come crawling back to me like you’ve done time and time again in the past but to my astonishment you weren’t there. Being a man of great pride I wasn’t going to call or try to contact you in any way because I knew you would be back like you always do. Maybe it would take a little longer this time but eventually it would be me and you together again happy and in bliss for a few months like it’s always been and as the days have stretched into weeks and now into months and still no word from you even after numerous calls, texts, emails, etc. I have started to come to the conclusion that we are really over this time. I turn on the TV and see that you continue to travel all over the country partaking in the good times of massive quantities of water and snow that were once just reserved for us. Like all good exes this has just made me sadder and yearns to want you back. When I cheated on you and left you for sun and warmth I thought her and I would be forever. She kept me occupied with growing rice, trips on the boat and numerous BBQ’s and beers with our friends. As the days grew shorter and she became distant with chilly mornings and the promise of a lack of waterfowl to cultivate it made me covet for you more. I am human and have made a lot of mistakes in my short time on this planet. I realize I have flaws and know when to admit to my mistakes. Well….I was wrong and yes I truly do miss you and want you back. I know actions speak louder than words so I want to prove to you that our relationship is forever. I’ve stopped washing my truck. My bathing suit hasn’t been seen in months. I continue to do my part of stimulating the economy at the local coffee shop with the consumption of all that is hot. I hope these are all indicators to you that I’ve changed for the good. My friends in the mountains, reservoirs, cities, farms and ranches across the state miss you also. They carry on about how you don’t understand how much someone is really missed until they are truly out of our lives. Please come back…You are my Tito’s on a Friday night, my Kate Upton, my 100 sack rice crop. The rain of dollar bills up in the club just isn’t filling the void anymore….

Love, Marcus Monroe XOXO

PS. Happy Friday peeps and the most precious thing to life is lacking in our state so pray to whoever you pray to and let’s hope they are listening and remember……If there is a cougar in the area it might not be a big wild cat.

#rain #snow #drought #california #empireliving

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Richard Sherman: America's current love/hate affair

Dear Richard Sherman haters,

Before I am tar and feathered by the title of this piece I want you all to know that I am not a fan of Richard Sherman but the reactions that he has been receiving don’t fit the crime. The man is not a thug and those out there should look at players on your own team that you worship before you decide to pass sentence. Dreadlocks and a gift for trash talking don’t make you a thug. If he’s guilty of anything it is bad judgment. At no time has he been arrested for smoking out morally questionable women with the tree or been put behind bars for unloading his Glock at a party to show the ladies in attendance that he could co-star in a rap video if he chose fit. He simply told the world that he is better than his competition. The reason I fail to judge him for his post game tirade is because who out there has ever made a play against your biggest rival that put your team in the Super Bowl at the age of 25?? Drum roll please…..None of you. The man was working on pure adrenaline and the sheer joy of the moment and to the credit of his communication professors at Stanford University still had the whereabouts to look directly in the camera and not drop an “F” bomb or ten. Why is it that 49er fans are the first to scream classless and unsportman like? Aren’t these the same fans that cheered when the worst person in sports Terrell Owens was running halfway across the field to celebrate on the other team’s logo not too long ago and for those of you who are not so “faithful” the antics of your own quarterback when mocking the opposition? No need to hate for hate purposes. Sherman is Deion Sanders 2.0. He is the player that is full of swag and talent who gets under your skin as a player and fan when he’s wearing a color that is not of your preference. Put him on your team and you fall in love with the guy as a teammate and fan because he makes you better. Primetime was my least favorite person on the planet until he strapped on a helmet with a Star on the side of it and helped lead us to another Super Bowl ring. Give the kid credit for going from Compton, CA to one of the top institutions of higher learning in the United States this side of Chico State and earning a degree along with starting in a master’s program. Yes if you ask me someone who was salutatorian and carried a 4.2 GPA in high school then receiving a degree in 3 years at Stanford has “thug” written all over him. It’s a persona that he plays that just like the less educated Floyd “money” Mayweather (who I also dislike) that will earn him huge returns in his pocketbook in the future. For every hero there needs to be a villain that the public equally loves. And unlike other so called thugs in the sports world he owned up to his brashness and heat of the moment lyrics and took responsibility for his actions admitting that although he could have said it differently he can’t take back what was said. As much as I hate dreadlocks on my football players I equally hate an audience that judges for the sake of hate.  It’s like saying every white quarterback only says OMAHA….Oh wait….

PS. Happy Hump day peeps on his sunny spring day in January and remember…….Drinking vodka before 10am doesn’t make you an alcoholic it makes you awesome.

#richardsherman #49ers #thug  #empireliving 

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Jerry Brown needs to hug a farmer

Dear Governor Jerry Brown, (this is for you Ag. Instructors)

Just so we don’t get this relationship off on the wrong foot, I want you to know exactly where I’m coming from….Agriculture is the life blood of California. In a region where in 2 hours we can either be surfing some of the best waves in the world or skiing the greatest powder on the planet agriculture still dominates in a state that currently ranks as the 8th largest economy in the world. Unlike most states ours can claim more than cotton, wheat, corn and soybeans as the basis of our agriculture commodities. California is home to over 400 commodities and grows half of the nation’s fruits, nuts and vegetables along with being the 2nd largest rice producer in the nation. If it wasn’t for the farmers and the vast number of people and businesses that are involved in getting food from the fields of California to the grocery stores and eventually your kitchen table the American diet would be a pretty boring endeavor. The rest of the nation has California agriculture to thank for keeping them supplied with the most well rounded diet on the planet year round. Governor Brown the reasons I can go on and on about the benefits of agriculture not only to the state but to world is I was fortunate enough to be born into it and have continued to carry the passion I have for it through life as my chosen career choice. Unfortunately the majority of children in California do not have the same privilege that I was able to experience and thus have no idea how important agriculture is to this state. What is sad is that it use to be only kids from urban areas that thought there food came from grocery stores but now the adage has crept into what were rural areas that have morphed into bedroom communities for the larger cities across the state. As schools have continued to cut agricultural education programs due to budget constraints the gap grows greater on a student’s understanding of the vast and highly complex food system that is in place in their backyard. The current state education budget sits right around $48 billion dollars which puts the funding for agriculture education at a percentage lower than the chances of Kate Upton asking me for her hand in marriage. The $4.1 million dollar grant that Ag Education receives each year is a life line for programs across the state that struggle to survive and teach students something that every human has relied on since we left the hunter/gather phase of our existence thousands of years ago…Agriculture. Yes before this state brought us the Golden Gate Bridge, a left leaning political system and the Kardashian’s we have and will continue to bring food to your plate. California currently has around 2,100 high schools which include public, private and charter schools to go along with various continuation programs. Of those only 300 support an Ag Education program. The 7% placement rate is appalling. I’ll bet my next round on a Friday night that every one of those schools has a computer science program. You ask why I pose this question. We all use devices everyday and need to stay on the cutting edge of technology in todays fast pace world. Guess what else we use every day and is so important country’s wage wars over it and empires fall because of it?....Food!!! I think that is a pretty good reason for everyone in the state to be educated about what they eat and how it makes its way to their table. Governor Brown instead of giving this program a one year reprieve which equates to the death penalty for most programs I recommend that you take a lesson from the agricultural community and sharpen that pencil just a little bit more and find those extra precious dollars in the budget that can sustain these programs moving forward  and keep the teachers that put their hearts and souls into their profession at high schools across the California gainfully employed and teaching the future of this state that agriculture just wasn’t our past but is our present and will always be our future. If you’re looking for a farmer to hug Jerry, I’m waiting with open arms…   

Ps. Happy Thursday peeps and please write, call, email, text, social media, etc. Jerry Brown and let him know how much you support Ag. Education and that’s all you need to remember!

#ageducation #jerrybrown #california #empireliving

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

No tengo healthcare hombre!

Dear Obamacare website, (Spanish edition),

“Barry voté por usted y soy la razón principal está en el consultorio por lo que ¿por qué estás haciendo tan difícil para mí recibir la atención médica gratuita que me prometiste?”

This is a question not only being asked by millions of English speaking citizens across the country but also it has recently come to light that this administrations bungling of technology spans numerous languages and socioeconomic classes. To loosely translate this in my best field level Spanglish what I’m trying to say is; “Barry, why are you making it so difficult for me to receive my free taxpayer funded healthcare?!” is the Spanish alternative to the now famous federal healthcare website that has failed miserably since it launched months ago. From clicking on forms that come up in English rather than Spanish to some of the language translation on the site reading like my first penmanship attempt after a Rosetta Stone lesson the site equals its English counterpart in its ineptitude. By garnering 75% of the Hispanic vote both legal and illegal in the 2012 election you would think you would have catered to those 24 million plus voters who helped catapult you to another four years in office. Now as a future congressman in waiting with a chief of staff already in place to put a spin on the numerous transgressions that I have taking part in thus far in life I’m going to say that these problems are not what Barry and the left was looking for when they steered this ship towards disaster almost 6 years ago. In California alone there are over 4.3 million people who speak Spanish exclusively in their household and of that number only 5,500 have signed up through the last recorded date at the end of November for the federal healthcare system. That’s bumping at just around a 0.0012% success rate, which is only considered victorious if you’re a father waiting for a paternity test on the Maury Povich Show. Whether you like the new healthcare system or hate it we are all Americans and it is in place and there is no way it is going to be repealed or stopped anytime soon. So the question I ask is why wasn’t it done right the first time instead of the numerous failures that have permeated so far thus costing taxpayers millions more dollars of our livelihood? Government has once again proven it’s not in the business of “business”. Put these decisions and choices in the hands of people who know how to run a sustainable enterprise and go back to doing what you do best which if you in the audience can answer that should think about playing the lottery tonight. So when the election season is up on us in the future my Spanish speaking friends remember this slogan;  “Vota Marcus Monroe él traerá imperio vida para todos nosotros!” …..It’s winning in any language.

PS. Hello peeps on this unseasonably warm day in January. I know it’s been a while since we last talked but I’m back and hope to keep the smiles coming in 2014. Keep sharing and remember……Have heart, have money and have hustle. 

#obamacare #spanish #empireliving