Dear 2021 CMA Awards,
Four scores and many skinny jeans and leather bracelets ago I sat down for the first time and attempted to decipher for you what exactly Nashville is doing to the genre that most of us use to know as “country music”. Tonight represents a milestone for this occasion, It will be my 10th installment. A lot of things have changed in this last decade but one of them isn't Nashville’s ability to destroy country music as me know it. Sit back and enjoy as I present to you the 10th or 11th annual review of the CMA Award’s:
- The show opens with Miranda Lambert. You have my undivided attention.
- This also must be the reason she is late coming home.
- All the positivity and hope has come to a screeching halt with the introduction of Luke Bryan as your host.
- I have counted six cowboy hats in the crowd. Four of them looked to have been shaped by Brad Paisley.
- Keith Urban is taking diet tips from Tim McGraw.
- Lionel Ritchie and Katy Perry make an appearance with the host. This makes Luke Bryan the 5th most country on that stage.
- Chris Stapleton takes the first award of the night (This will be theme). Somewhere the cast of HeHaw is smiling.
- Dirks grew a mullet. I chalk this up as a win.
- Eric Church is the only artist that can shop in Michael Jackson’s closet and make it look country.
- The men of Nashville need to thank the current crop of women artists for giving the rest of us a reason to listen to mainstream country.
- Zac Brown and his band are auditioning for the Country Bear Jamboree.
- Gabby Barrett is singing “one of the good ones”. She isn’t referring to her outfit.
- I can’t hate on Jimmie Allan because I would rock that outfit.
- Kane Brown looks like an Old Navy commercial.
- If Reno Rosser is on stage with Carrie Underwood who is running the Christmas tree lot?…Wait, that’s Jason Aldean???…Gets me every time.
- Most people have hoarded toilet paper over the last two years. Carrie I chose crackers for you.
- Blake Shelton is the one stealing food from Tim McGraw’s plate.
- Coming up with material was so much easier when I started this.
- Can we allow Vegemite and ban Keith Urban?
- I would still let Deena Carter pour me some strawberry wine.
- I now want to grab some pallets and start a bonfire at the creek.
- Loving ones hair has now been added to “my girlfriend left me”, “got drunk” and “my dog ran away” as a reason to write a country song.
- Old Dominion is a struggle between making lattes and serving IPA’s.
- If you have dreams of making it big in country music, follow Chris Stapleton’s blueprint. We all win.
- Luke Bryan comes back more then a mask mandate.
- I like my wokeness on CNN not CMT.
- Billy Bob from Varsity Blues fame is now going by Luke Combs. Looks like he ate that pig named bacon.
- Thomas is wearing Wranglers and cowboy boots. Somewhere Rhett is shedding a tear.
- I want Trace Adkins to voice the story about my life.
- Dan and Shay are the COVID of country music.
- Mrs. Gaines makes an appearance but seems to have left Chris at home.
- Fell asleep for a few minutes and woke up to a blues concert. Still better then what Nashville refers to as country.
- Their are more sequins on stage then in the line at Riley’s on buck night. Only this time it is being worn by men.
- Moon walking is the new two step.
- Nashville, I don’t care about an artists sexuality. I care about good music, which you are failing at.
- You want people to get vaccinated? Force them to listen to Luke Bryan as the alternative.
- Freddy Freeman handles a bat much better then a mic and a cue card. I still love ya.
- Chris Stapleton collects another piece of hardware. That glimmer of hope is still lit.
- Allan Jackson presents entertainer of the year rocking fringe and talking about other legends like himself. My heart is full .
- Luke Combs entertainer of the year. Waffle House’s stock price just skyrocketed.
The pre-show described that what is now coming out of Nashville is “hybrid” country. I prefer to call it crap but I guess that wouldn't get the ratings. I really didn't think Nashville’s version of country music could get worst but the last three hours proved me wrong. Now I am going to make like our President and forget this ever happened…God Bless!
Ps. Good to be back with you peeps and I hope you enjoy the read and remember…Brittney is free, rejoice.
#CMAawards #CMAs #Nashville #countrymusic #awardsshow #ABC #review #americastrong
