Hashtags of life

Dear #Hashtag,

#It #seems #like #every #time #I #get #online #weather #it #be #Facebook #or #Instagram #or #Twitter #all #I #see #is #something #that #annoys #me #more #than #having #only #99 #cents #in #my #pocket #and #not #a #credit #card #in #site #on #a #buck #night…..#It #is #the #prevalent #amount #of #you #Hashtag #that #has #taken #over #the #dialect #of #our #society.  #Why #is #it #that #every #time #someone #washes #their #dog, #goes #to #the #bathroom, #does #laundry, #etc. #I #have #to #have #you #come #back #into #my #life #like #a #photo #taking #at #the #frat #house #when #I #still #thought #the #best #way #to #impress #the #ladies #was #to #beer #bong #Jaeger #followed #by #a #chaser #of #what #we #in #Chico #call #a #craft #beer #the #ever #tasty #Keystone #Light #that #surfaces #right #before #that #long #overdue #run #for #Congress. #Do #you #think #that #someone #is #just #waiting #around #eagerly #anticipating #to #type #”idiot” #in #their #search #bar #so #they #can #see #what #you #did #on #a #Wednesday #at #work #instead #of #doing #what #you #are #actually #paid #to #do? #Call #me #old #fashion #but #if #I #want #the #world #to #know #what #I #am #currently #doing #I’m #liquidating #my #limited #assets #buying #a #brick #of Columbia’s #finest #and #inviting #Charlie #Sheen, #Lindsey #Lohan #and #TMZ #to #the #finest #strip #club #for #a #4 #day #bender #and #yes #you #guessed #it #all #of #you #are #invited. #In #fact #I’ve #used #so #many #hastags #I’ve #hit #the #max #on #this #rant #but #I #still #come #up #at #least #a #half #dozen #hashtags #short #of #someone’s #everyday #post #after #I #quote, “#killing #it” #at #the #gym #for #20 #minutes #on #a #Friday.  #I’m #currently #going #to #go #outside #and #enjoy #some #sun #and #dirt, #I #know #that #hashtags #won’t #dare #show #up #there……..#marcusmonroegrowsthebestricein3countieswiththe4thpending J#########

 PS. Happy Friday peeps, you guys are the best and to those of you in attendance keep those pics coming from Stagecoach; they are much appreciated from this rice famer who is trying to keep those sushi joints well stocked with that California Rice you all love and remember…..A wise girl told me it’s better to be a week early than a week late; that my friend’s is the marrying type

Tell me again liberal why we need to be in Syria?

Dear Syria and the White House,

On the 12^th anniversary of 9/11 and with the harvesters parked waiting on rice to mature I decided that it was time to once again help the current administration with their foreign policy issues. First a little background on myself for those of you who only know me as the guy who seems to always be checking into bars or constantly playing paparazzi to a dog who may be close to being as famous as his namesake. I’m a registered Republican in name, I am a capitalist, I like my guns and my booze and there is nothing I love more than Merica and the freedom that it offers. You see, these are all traits that liberals like to label as your classic “warmonger”  If this is true than why am I and others with similar beliefs against getting involved with Syria while liberals continue to saber rattle and press congress into participating in a conflict that has no benefit to the United State? Have we not learned our lessons with the response from “we the people” concerning the conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan that entering into another one is about as unfavorable as a rash on Kate Upton date night? There are no alternative motives such as WMD or oil (yes I said it) that would harm or benefit us being drawn into a conflict here and overtaxing our military and put are troops in harm’s way. Anti war protester and current President Obama along with other Bush haters such Hillary and Mr. Kerry continue to hold media blitzes telling us that the tactics the Syrian government is using against its own people are an atrocity and comparable to Nazi Germany.  Why is it that gassing Muslim rebels who are killing soldiers and then gutting them and eating their hearts and livers in the name of Allah who are trying to overthrow a government is a travesty and a crime on humanity but killing those same people with weapons from knives to guns to bombs considered kosher? If the killing of innocent men, women and children were the case for action in Syria than we would have to use that logic in most every region on this planet. It is called “war” for a reason and nothing can change that. The way I see it is you have two groups of people who hate each other for whatever reason but the one thing that they can agree upon besides that a girl covered in black bed sheets is attractive is there hatred for the United States. Here’s an idea, why don’t we save billions of dollars and sit back and watch Darwin work his magic. Not only will it rid the world of an increasing number of I quote “Muslim extremists” it will make the bear wrestling, vodka drinking leader of Russia a much happier camper and in this day and age of dirty bombs and jihad I’m thinking I am still going to pay just a little respect to the homeboy who can still wipe us off the planet with the touch of a button. Mr. President, I’m not looking for any monetary reward for once again helping you resolve another one of your messes but a call from that red phone with a thank you from time to time sure would be nice.

PS. Happy hump day peeps on this warm Wednesday in September and remember…..Let’s roll.

#Syria #Obama #9/11 #UnitedStates

Did someone say football???

Dear NFL,

Do you see that?...The leaves turning color and beginning to fall from the trees. Can you feel that?...The heat of summer has started to turn to the chill of fall. Do you hear that?...The sound of harvesters firing up as rice season comes to a close. The greater question is what do all these things mean? If you are all saying to yourself; “Oh God, now he Fireball, Tito’s and whatever else he thinks will get along with the aforementioned combination will be spending a lot more time together thus making anyone in his contact list a target for late night chats consisting of gibberish and I love you’s” Yes folks I’m not saying that’s not going to happen but what this really means is that football season is back upon us! When the greatest sport in the world last left us that team from San Francisco was being reminded who actually had it better than them and the coach’s big brother was hoisting the Super Bowl trophy over his head thus giving himself bragging rights at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners for years to come. Through an off season littered with arrests, domestic violence and an occasional murder pro football remains the most watched sport this side of that elementary school game where scoring happens less than in an Amish bedroom and the participants are rewarded at the end of 60 minutes with orange slices and Capri Suns that is currently popular in third world countries. With the new season upon us it brings hope for fans in cities across this country as each team starts with a clean slate and yes it’s hard to believe but even you Raider Fan are in first place notwithstanding if it’s for only a few short precious hours. As most of you know my loyalties lie with the only team that can claim God as a fan. Yes, I’m talking about the Dallas Cowboys, that same team that made sure there was a hole in the roof of the stadium so the “all mighty” can catch a game and mix in some holy water and can proudly state that they are “America’s Team”  has been a fixture in my life since I was little. From the 8 Super Bowl appearances and 5 championship rings to the current state of things that usually has me muttering numerous bad words followed by “Bitch Tits” and again followed by more bad words after another fine 4^th quarter performance the thing that stays constant is that no matter win or lose they are still my team year end and year out. Most fans of the game share in this same sentiment at the start of each season no matter who your team is because at the end of it all only one can be crowned champion. It’s the joy and agony every weekend from September to February that makes the NFL so great.  As Kickoff to the 2013 season starts Wednesday and continues through Monday night please take the time to enjoy a game, some beer and some good food because like all good things it will be gone before we know it…..Now queue that National Anthem.

PS. Happy hump day peeps on this “all most start to harvest” Wednesday. Make It a good one and remember….”Hold my beer, I got this” will most likely be my last words.