Dear Kim and Kanye,
During my self-imposed sabbatical from my writing in which I have spent the past forty plus days harvesting the ingredient that puts that great taste in the sushi you all love and enjoy along with snapping numerous pics of the celebrity who calls the back of my pickup home many news worthy events have taking place that I felt have been worthy of discussion. Among those events have been rice harvest and all it entails, a government shutdown and that team from Los Angeles realizing that they don’t belong in the Fall Classic. With all of these topics being noteworthy one thing happened that trumped all of these events…..The cupcake thief who masquerades as a celebrity and the man who has self-glossed himself “Bigger than Jesus” have decided to tie the knot. Now we all know that this is forever because your third marriage by the age of 33 is what makes a normal, healthy and long lasting relationship. Being Kim’s biggest fan this side of a rapper with a camcorder in his hand I have a few questions for Kanye concerning this union. First, why propose at AT&T Park? Why not gather Bruce and the crew and do it at Dodger Stadium? I mean that place is begging to see a ring ceremony of any type. Secondly, it’s obvious that you failed to listen to your business manager when coming up with an idea on how to propose. You dropped all that cash on a rock and stadium rental to tell her you love her when all you needed to show your devotion was a video camera from Radio Shack and a YouTube channel. Those two simple and cost effective things have yet to fail when it comes to Kim and true love. Lastly, is this why you chose to move in with OJ’s ex and the rest of the Kardashian clan at the age of 36? Where you trying to save money for the big day? Homeboy you are worth over 100 million dollars, loosen the pockets a little and splurge on a one bedroom in the 90210. Kanye, if all these settle hints I’ve so eloquently laid out for you as signs that you’re doing it wrong aren’t registering I’m going to break it down in simple terms that even a Visa commercial would appreciate:
15 carat diamond engagement ring: $8,000,000
Leasing AT&T Park for the night: $35,000
Flying friends and family in for the event: $20,000
Watching a sham of a marriage go down faster than your wife on a talentless rapper: PRICELESS
The one I really feel sorry for in this whole situation is North. Not only does she has to grow up thinking that the other three sides of a compass are her cousins but now she will be under the assumption that a long lasting marriage consists of three months of bliss, attorney fees and a lifetime of rehab. Kanye, I’m going to steal a lyric from you when I say this……”She’s a gold digger and she ain’t messing with a broke….You better leave her ass for a white girl”...But stay away from Kate Upton!! Get down, get down…
PS. A long overdue happy hump day to you peeps and glad to be back hope you are having a great one and remember….If you ever feel unloved and unwanted just yell out “the next round is on me”.