Friday, February 28, 2014

Debunking the Myth and Reality of Crossfit

Dear Crossfit,

I have something to admit to you all out there….I am a crossfit guy. Some people have Christianity, Catholicism, Mormonism and Allah as organized religions that they put their faith in everyday and ask to guide them. Hell, Tom Cruise’s crazy ass and the rest of Hollywood made up scientology so they could pray and give there hard earned dollars to also. To the majority of people who participate in the craze that is crossfit it is like all the aforementioned religions in that it gives them something to believe in along with donating a quarter of their salary too minus the passing around of a collection plate. People like to refer to it as a “cult” but in reality all religions could be glossed with the “cult” moniker. Before all you religious zealots go and tar and feather me or worse make me listen to Christian rock follow me on this one. Groups of people that come together believing in the same cause and donate mass sums of money to that cause and become argumentative when someone denounces it is a cult. No Jim Jones and refreshing Kool Aid needed. For those of you who have always wanted a behind the scenes look into their world and the rituals that are behind it I will take you inside their church and reveal to you for the first time….Crossfit.

1.       The first thing that you see when entering a Crossfitters church is that once inside they tend to gather in packs both pre and post workout. They don’t talk about current events or other filler topics that most of us do at bars or other meeting places. The pre-workout conversations consist of how sore they are from the previous session and what they will be doing for the current workout predetermined for them. The post workout get-together is even stranger to comprehend. Instead of leaving after a good sweat session like the majority of us who participate in a healthy lifestyle do they congregate around the equipment that you are trying to use or the designated water area to once again converse about the workout and how sore they will feel in the morning. This usually last typically 20-30 minutes post-workout.
2.       Crossfitters have a sick sense of what is pleasure. After having our asses handed to us for just around an hour by our trainer we all thank them for it. This ritual has always fascinated me because I participate in this faction. I mean does a hostage after a good water boarding turn to his captors and go; “Thanks man, I needed that!”  
3.       A high number of crossfit participants and there trainers tend to spend an abundance of time together away from the gym. It is not unusual to see packs of them gathered at local watering holes that feature a drink menu heavy in ciders and vodka around town. Here they continue to talk about three main topics…The previous day’s workout, the one they just did and what is awaiting them tomorrow. If you are a crossfit participant but do not participate in these gatherings they tend to shun you much like blacks were in the south pre-segregation.

I hope you have enjoyed this brief and enlighten introduction into the world of crossfit and its followers. Despite the negatives that are associated with it like all things it has many positives that outsiders overlook. With no disrespect to Billy Blanks it is in my mind the best workout regime currently out there. Now excuse me while I go finish my burpees….

PS. Happy Friday peeps and let’s hope the rain keeps falling and remember…..A mullet is Gods way of making Oklahoma relevant.

#crossfit #cult #empireliving

No comments:

Post a Comment