Thursday, September 25, 2014

High waisted shorts: The bro tank of the female species

Dear high waisted shorts,

We have all seen it before. First the fashion world brought us the mistake known as the “bell bottom” in the 60’s and 70’s. As we rolled into the 80’s and 90’s we were subjected to peg pants and neon hues. The early 2000’s through today has blessed us with bro tanks and skinny jeans. Years after another trend hits we look back on it and wonder “who is this idiot in this picture and why is he/she dressed like such a dickhead?!” Now as we have progressed as a society you would think that what appears on the catwalk in Paris, London or New York every year would not find its way to the closets of everyday people….WRONG! At bars, concerts and college campuses across the country the latest craze is taking place. Just like its aforementioned predecessors, what started out as a fad among a few outliers has progressed into a full blown pandemic as spring turned into summer. Yes, I am talking about you high waisted shorts and the effect you are having on the natural attraction of a male to a women is mind boggling. High waisted shorts are the bro tank for the female species. You see, no one likes them yet once you see someone wearing them you must follow suit. It is a look that takes the “muffin top” to the next level. This revelation alone should make all ladies who own a pair of this fashion misstep to burn them in liberation. Now usually there is a portion of society that can pull off a look when all others fail. This portion is usually referred to as “hot chick” (which also can be referenced as “Kate Upton”) or “Tom Brady” but in this instance these analogies fail. Even with all the above stated flaws with this look for some reason hot, ugly, fat, skinny, sorority girl, country chick, girl next door, and etc. have continued to choose jeans shorts that are cut off as if they were cotton granny panties that nestle just below your chest and pair it with a t-shirt from a concert you never attended that you added a frayed sleeve look to and precede to tuck this into the previously mentioned shorts to complete an appearance that has most males and females shaking their head. Ladies, I know it’s hard to take fashion advise from a guy who’s closet consist of plaid and pearl snaps along with a Chive shirt sprinkled in from time to time but I am an expert at beautiful women and this trend is taking the “beautiful” out of that equation. When choosing your next ensemble for a night on the town, shy away from something that is common place in trailer parks and honey boo boo’s mom’s closet. With winter fast approaching and the anticipation of yoga pants, Uggs and sweatshirts that it brings, one can only hope that it also leads to the death of yet another of society’s lapses in judgment….

PS. Hello peeps on this first rainy day of the season, here’s too many more albeit this farmer hope is they wait till November to bless us and remember….Why pay the doctor to make you better when you can pay the farmer to make you healthy. Now that that’s advice you usually have to pay for.

#highwaistedshorts #fashionmistakes #empireliving 

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