Wednesday, December 14, 2016

My Jerry Maguire moment...

Dear Self, 

(I’m going to go against my own rules of social media & discuss something personal with you.) 

My name is Marc Breckenridge and I have a problem. I have a penchant for driving away those who care the most about me. When things are good, I can find a way to destroy them and in the process, hurt deeply those who care about me the most. 

Why do I do this??? My answer to myself over the years is that it’s a self-protection method, it is my way of letting people close, but not close enough to eventually hurt me, when in reality I’m the one that is causing the suffering. I will say things to family, friends or a loved one and find myself questioning those words a moment later. They are not meant to be hurtful, but when I slowdown and analyze it, I realize that it is quite the opposite. Which is wrong to all parties involved. 

The real problem is a lot of times I don't realize that I'm doing it. In conversation or when I find myself joking around I use sarcasm as a defense mechanism that while I feel it may be playful and funny at times, it ends up hurting the other person. Sometimes in ways I may never know. 

Have you ever heard of the “quicksand” effect? You know what I’m talking about, when something you say hurts the other, they retaliate with words that they know will hurt you and this process repeats itself until both are mad and full of hate and anger towards the other…quicksand….The faster you try to get out, the deeper you find yourself. It is in this dark place that people who care about one another are not suppose to be. Add alcohol to this mix and the effect only greatly enhances itself. To best find your way out of this situation is just like rescuing yourself from real quicksand….Slow down. Think before you speak and most importantly know that you love and care about that other person so why on earth would you do or say anything to hurt them? It’s something we all learn as children but for some reason I and others sometimes forget about it as an adult.  

Here’s a personal example of what I’m talking about… I believe the words I used in a conversation with a loved one recently were, “Oh, I’m the failure?” In no way would I ever use this in a serious tone towards this person or to any other I care about. In my mind, it was meant to be sarcasm, but in reality it hurt the person I would never want to harm. Small words can have the most impact both positive and negative. Sometimes not saying a word at these moments is best, you may or may not know what this person is going through. 

As I continue to run off all the people who have genuinely loved me over my lifetime I sit here and ponder where I will be years from now. Will I be old, lonely and full of regret or do I fix this “fault” that I have carried with me my entire life? 

If you are a betting person, I would lay the mortgage on the latter. Constant self-improvement doesn't happen over night as much as we all would like it too. It takes hard work, and continuing to own up to your mistakes. Gains however small can be great, especially when the end result is a smile on the faces of the people you love and cherish the most. God Bless….

Ps. Thank you peeps for allowing me this forum to break away from the norm and discuss an issue like this. I know I’m not the only one out there and if this can help just one person then it is a win for everyone involved…Call it Christmas magic and remember….Fight for the fairy tale, it does exist…Believe that. 

#selfimprovement #identifytheproblem #gains #thrive #merrychristmas #empireliving 

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