Thursday, June 11, 2015

Main stream country music is no place for a cowboy hat

Dear CMT country music awards,

Hello peeps, it has been awhile since I have done a review on the current state of country music so I decided to open a bottle of good red wine and sit down last night to take in the awards show presented by thee country network itself, CMT. Please enjoy….

1.       Show starts with One Direction singing there new hit single. Wait…That was a country act that goes by the name “Lady Antebellum”? One minute in and the confusion starts.
2.       I’m making this exciting tonight. Currently have a bottle of Fireball sitting in front of me. Every time they show Cole Swindell in that ball cap I’m taking a shot. Once again, this is all for your enjoyment peeps.
3.       What could possibly make Carrie Underwood look better? Four words: Short. Tight. White. Dress.
4.       Next musical act is Hootie. Two performances into the show and both are of the pop genera. Best country awards show yet.
5.       Reba. For you keeping score at home we are currently at the 45 minute mark of the show and I am hearing real country music for the first time.
6.       Macklemore, don’t you know you’re not supposed to wear white after Labor Day? Huh???...That’s Sam Hunt?
7.       I think Ron White ages in dog years.
8.       One hour into the show and the first cowboy hat is spotted. Unfortunately the skinny jeans, chains, leather jewelry and earrings accompanying it cancels out all the good will this generated. Thanks a lot Jason Aldean.
9.       Bruce Willis’s daughter is the opposite of hot.
10.   Florida/Georgia Line makes there first appearance. You would think that with all the money they make they wouldn’t need to steal jeans out of Andy Stone’s closet.
11.   Chris Jansen will be a superstar. Write that down.
12.   If every country station played Eric Church on loop I wouldn’t get mad. Just saying.
13.   Remember when Brooks and Dunn was the top duet in country? Ya…I miss that.
14.   Luke Bryan upped his game this year. The addition of a red pleather shoulder holster to his “What isn’t country” ensemble is a game changer.
15.   Is the blonde dude in Little Big Town the last surviving member of ABBA?
16.   Carrie Underwood, I’m currently shifting my entire budget to crackers. You know where to find them.
17.   Someone just arrived on stage in an inflatable bed and boat shoes. It looks like a Britney Spears performance with the dancers and choreography but someone has just informed me it’s some guy named Jake Owens. George Strait currently has that “I’m not mad, I am disappointed” look on his face in the crowd.
18.   I really do like Kelsea Ballerini. It’s more for her being hot and blonde than her music but you get what I am saying.
19.   Currently at the 90 minute mark in the show. Starting on bottle number two. I gave the remote to the black dog and told him to put it in a safe place. We both really do like the new 60 inch TV.
20.   How come Billy Ray Cyrus hasn’t got the media attention that Bruce Jenner has for his sex change? He’s still a man…..Ooops.
21.     It upsets me that every time Jason Aldean accepts an award he fails to thank Benny Brown Ford for his success.
22.   JJ Watt. Best human being on the planet.
23.   I really love good red wine. I know this has nothing to do with this post’s topic but neither does this awards show and country music.
24.   I like Jon Bon Jovi’s new song. It’s catchy. Wait…That’s Keith Urban??? I fall for that one every time.
25.   Glad to see our former governor is doing well.
26.   Instead of putting Alan Jackson in a forgettable skit why not put a guitar in his hand and let him do what he does best?
27.   The Biebs? Really? Cosby is guarding the location of the remote closer than that Bush’s Baked Beans dog.
28.   Sam Hunt Was just introduced as the “newest sensation” in country music. His white onesie accompanied by tennis shoes backs up this statement.
29.   The Biebs is currently sitting as the 4th “most country” person associated with this awards show.
30.   Do you think Kenney Chesney gets more upset than Kris Teresi when he’s turned away from a ride on the Zipper at the carnival for his lack in elevation?
31.   I would wash my hand after Luke Bryan gave me a high five.
32.   Carrie Underwood takes the stage again as her big, hockey playing husband cheers her on. Currently debating if I should give her a box of crackers to take home to him for his hospitality.
33.   Show ends with Arnold Schwarzenegger on stage in what appears to be a cowboy hat. I think I have had too much to drink and need to go to bed.

The show had a lot of positives. First off my TV survived the night which is a rarity when it comes to my music reviews. Secondly and most importantly was that this was one of the best pop music awards show I’ve seen in a long time…..Wait….You’re telling me that was “Country”??? On second thought, Country music in Nashville is still dead. Merica…..

PS. Happy Thursday peeps on this scorcher in God’s Country. Stay cool and remember….Moderation is for cowards. 

#CMT #CMTawardsshow #countrymusic #nashville #empireliving 

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