Dear CMT country music awards,
Hello peeps, it has been awhile since I have done a review
on the current state of country music so I decided to open a bottle of good red
wine and sit down last night to take in the awards show presented by thee
country network itself, CMT. Please enjoy….
1.
Show starts with One Direction singing there new
hit single. Wait…That was a country act that goes by the name “Lady Antebellum”?
One minute in and the confusion starts.
2.
I’m making this exciting tonight. Currently have
a bottle of Fireball sitting in front of me. Every time they show Cole Swindell
in that ball cap I’m taking a shot. Once again, this is all for your enjoyment
peeps.
3.
What could possibly make Carrie Underwood look
better? Four words: Short. Tight. White. Dress.
4.
Next musical act is Hootie. Two performances
into the show and both are of the pop genera. Best country awards show yet.
5.
Reba. For you keeping score at home we are
currently at the 45 minute mark of the show and I am hearing real country music
for the first time.
6.
Macklemore, don’t you know you’re not supposed
to wear white after Labor Day? Huh???...That’s Sam Hunt?
7.
I think Ron White ages in dog years.
8.
One hour into the show and the first cowboy hat
is spotted. Unfortunately the skinny jeans, chains, leather jewelry and earrings
accompanying it cancels out all the good will this generated. Thanks a lot
Jason Aldean.
9.
Bruce Willis’s daughter is the opposite of hot.
10.
Florida/Georgia Line makes there first appearance.
You would think that with all the money they make they wouldn’t need to steal
jeans out of Andy Stone’s closet.
11.
Chris Jansen will be a superstar. Write that
down.
12.
If every country station played Eric Church on
loop I wouldn’t get mad. Just saying.
13.
Remember when Brooks and Dunn was the top duet
in country? Ya…I miss that.
14.
Luke Bryan upped his game this year. The
addition of a red pleather shoulder holster to his “What isn’t country”
ensemble is a game changer.
15.
Is the blonde dude in Little Big Town the last
surviving member of ABBA?
16.
Carrie Underwood, I’m currently shifting my
entire budget to crackers. You know where to find them.
17.
Someone just arrived on stage in an inflatable
bed and boat shoes. It looks like a Britney Spears performance with the dancers
and choreography but someone has just informed me it’s some guy named Jake
Owens. George Strait currently has that “I’m not mad, I am disappointed” look
on his face in the crowd.
18.
I really do like Kelsea Ballerini. It’s more for
her being hot and blonde than her music but you get what I am saying.
19.
Currently at the 90 minute mark in the show.
Starting on bottle number two. I gave the remote to the black dog and told him
to put it in a safe place. We both really do like the new 60 inch TV.
20.
How come Billy Ray Cyrus hasn’t got the media
attention that Bruce Jenner has for his sex change? He’s still a man…..Ooops.
21.
It upsets me that every time Jason Aldean
accepts an award he fails to thank Benny Brown Ford for his success.
22.
JJ Watt. Best human being on the planet.
23.
I really love good red wine. I know this has
nothing to do with this post’s topic but neither does this awards show and
country music.
24.
I like Jon Bon Jovi’s new song. It’s catchy.
Wait…That’s Keith Urban??? I fall for that one every time.
25.
Glad to see our former governor is doing well.
26.
Instead of putting Alan Jackson in a forgettable
skit why not put a guitar in his hand and let him do what he does best?
27.
The Biebs? Really? Cosby is guarding the
location of the remote closer than that Bush’s Baked Beans dog.
28.
Sam Hunt Was just introduced as the “newest
sensation” in country music. His white onesie accompanied by tennis shoes backs
up this statement.
29.
The Biebs is currently sitting as the 4th
“most country” person associated with this awards show.
30.
Do you think Kenney Chesney gets more upset than
Kris Teresi when he’s turned away from a ride on the Zipper at the carnival for
his lack in elevation?
31.
I would wash my hand after Luke Bryan gave me a
high five.
32.
Carrie Underwood takes the stage again as her
big, hockey playing husband cheers her on. Currently debating if I should give
her a box of crackers to take home to him for his hospitality.
33.
Show ends with Arnold Schwarzenegger on stage in
what appears to be a cowboy hat. I think I have had too much to drink and need
to go to bed.
The show had a lot of positives. First off my TV survived
the night which is a rarity when it comes to my music reviews. Secondly and
most importantly was that this was one of the best pop music awards show I’ve
seen in a long time…..Wait….You’re telling me that was “Country”??? On second
thought, Country music in Nashville is still dead. Merica…..
PS. Happy Thursday peeps on this scorcher in God’s Country.
Stay cool and remember….Moderation is for cowards.
#CMT #CMTawardsshow #countrymusic #nashville #empireliving
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