Thursday, November 5, 2015

Nashville, you never fail to take the "country" out of music

Dear 2015 CMA Awards,

Hey peeps, remember me? That rice farmer who tries to make you both smile and think in 500 words or less. You know the guy with the black dog and attempts to drink the town out of vodka at least two days out of the week (I’ve actually been quite successful at it of late). I figured what better way to jump back into the blogosphere game then to bring to you my 5th or 6th annual review of the state of country music in Nashville. My cocktail is full so please enjoy….

1.       The last few years the CMA’s have tried to fool me by marching out a young hot blonde or insert some country singer from the 80’s or 90’s as the opening act to convince me that their brand of country is worth listening to. This year is no different as Hank Williams Jr. and Eric Church take the stage along with the largest Merica Flag this side of Wittmeier Ford. The CMA’s know all my weaknesses. Well played.
2.       Failing to capitalize on that momentum, John Cougar Mellencamp takes the stage.
3.       Has anyone ever seen Jon Bon Jovi, Keith Urban and Ellen DeGeneres in the same room at the same time?    
4.       Thank you for finally purchasing a new hat Brad Paisley. I was completely out of material concerning this topic.
5.       Nothing says country music like William Shatner on stage dressed as a Star Wars character. I’ve only had one cocktail but just rushed to the kitchen to make another after witnessing this.
6.       Sequins are made for women and Bruce Jenner, not for dudes wearing cowboy hats.
7.       Nice to see Notre Dame’s mascot on stage. Wait…..That’s Zac Brown with the beard and green velour jacket???
8.       Do you think Kenny Chesney gets upset when he’s at Disneyland and sees one of those “must be this tall to ride” signs?
9.       Congratulations Sam Hunt. There’s now someone I hate more than Florida/Georgia Line.
10.   Shouldn’t it be easy to find a cowboy hat at a country music awards show?
11.   Two awards presented thus far and both have honored a song that is found on rotation on most pop stations across the country.
12.   Bolo tie, cowboy hat with cool feathers, Chris Stapleton. Nashville, this is what country looks like.
13.   Carrie Underwood, if you crawled into my bed with those boots on I wouldn’t be mad.
14.   One hour into the show and 1/3 of a bottle of Tito’s down. This isn’t meant to be funny, I just love Tito’s vodka a lot.
15.   Justin Timberlake and Chris Stapleton. Drop the mic and role the credits please.
16.   Florida/Georgia Line take the stage. After the above mentioned performance I’m glad you can put the Nashville back into country.
17.   More Eric Church is a good thing.
18.   Cowboy boots, jeans that fit, Chris Stapleton. Keep taking notes Nashville.
19.   Blake Shelton, you slept with my wife but yet I still can find no hate for you.
20.   No skinny jeans, leather bracelets or pleather gun holster shirts..WTF Luke Bryan?! I have a review to write!
21.   For the record, I am still not the lead singer of Rascal Flatts.
22.   Miranda, I have no idea what that song was about but I’m sure it was dedicated to me. Love ya babe and hurry home soon before I eat your crackers.
23.   Marcus’s skinny jeans: 1       Jason Aldean’s: 0
24.   Kacey Musgraves takes the stage in feathered sequins. Looks like I’m going to have to buy a bigger bed and more crackers.
25.   Dierks, I like that you’re shopping in Eric Church’s closet these days.
26.   Do you think Miranda reads the letter I wrote her before bed each night? I like to think so.
27.   Nashville, rolling out greats like Reba doesn’t make you country, it makes you unoriginal.
28.   How ironic is it that Brooks and Dunn are singing “Play something country”?
29.   Talking about your daddy who passed away, thanking your momma, shedding a tear, Chris Stapleton. Two words…God Bless.
30.   Luke Bryan “Entertainer of the Year”. Let that sink in once again.
31.   3 hours, a buzz and not a single Taylor Swift sighting. I guess the night wasn’t a total waste.

The accolades that Chris Stapleton received tonight proved that no matter how much Nashville tries to shove their brand of country down our throats real musicians are out there and thriving. Somewhere Waylon Jennings is smiling…

PS. Happy Thursday peeps, you are the reason I write and hope to bring more to you soon. Have an amazing weekend and remember…..Life is too short not to drink early.

#2015CMAs #nashville #chrisstapleton #brocountry #empireliving 

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