Dear 2016 CMT Music Awards,
Hello peeps, it is that time of year again for yet another review of the state of country music in Nashville. With each critique of this subject, it seems like the genre that I like too refer to as “bubble gum country” continues to move closer and closer to pop music and further away from the twang and story telling that made country music great. Without further ado, please sit back and enjoy the 2016 CMT Music Awards:
1. Bon Jovi opens the show which isn't a bad thing even though this is a country awards show on thee country music station. Instead of a crowd pleaser like “Bad Medicine” he plays something off his new album. Horrible choice. It sounds like what you hear on a country radio station today. Wait..What?!…God damn you Keith Urban.
2. Next up Cheap Trick. If you haven't heard of them it’s because they are not country and haven't been relevant since the Carter Administration.
3. Unless “Achy Breaky Heart” is blaring from a speaker their is no need for Miley’s dad to be on stage.
4. Next act up Pitbull. I would like to say I am making this up peeps but you cannot blame Tito’s or Fireball for this one.
5. The skinny jean phenomenon has now been replaced by yoga pants as the male country artist’s go too when on stage.
6. Because of Carrie Underwood dressing like that, Chico is now suffering from a shortage of crackers and I am lacking floor space in my bedroom.
7. Luke Bryan takes the stage. Hold on, I need to go make another drink.
8. I love me some Lululemon’s, just not on a man in cowboy boots.
9. One hour into the show and the first cowboy hat appears. Thank you Chris Stapleton.
10. Florida Georgia Line decided that a man bun was missing from the country music starter kit. Always the innovators.
11. Singing about t-shirts now gets you a number one song. Somewhere George Strait is shaken his head.
12. Cam possesses one of the best voices in country music. Why ruin it by adding a less talented version of the Spice Girls to her performance. Wait…It’s Nashville.
13. Just saw a Wayfair commercial. If I’m buying home design stuff I am going to Build.com. Just saying.
14. Has anyone ever seen the dude from Little Big Town, Sir Richard Branson and the guys from ABBA together? Ever?
15. I want to high five whoever gave Cole Swindell a black eye.
16. Dierks, you can throw a skin tight leather shirt and a duet with a smurf at me and I will keep on loving you. You're that good.
17. The commercials are currently the highlight of this awards show.
18. It is a sad day when a pop artist gets more airtime than a tribute too a legend as great as Merle Haggard.
19. It’s only a matter of time before Carrie Underwood leaves her husband for me.
20. Denim on denim, Wranglers and cowboy boots. God Bless you Blake Shelton.
21. PS. Sorry Miranda loves me more than you.
22. The crowd is trying to sing along to the song “Elvira” by the Oak Ridge Boys, neither knowing the lyrics or that they are country music legends.
23. Add Maren Morris to the list of women who will make country music great again. She is that good.
24. Nashville needs to strap a cape on Chris Stapleton’s back and an “S” on his chest. He is currently single handily saving the last bastion of real country in your city.
25. Looks like I need too add sleeveless plaid button-up and an extra earring to my Jason Aldean halloween costume this year.
26. Would someone please give Tim McGraw a damn cupcake!!!!
27. Pharrell in an all camo ensemble is closing the show. People, you thought it would never happen in your lifetime but I am speechless…..
In a show that lasted just over 3 hours I witnessed two performances that would be considered country music by myself, George Strait, Dolly Parton, Garth Brooks, Johnny Cash and most of you reading this. Music is defined in genre’s for a reason. We like to listen too different melodies depending on our mood at that time, whether it be country, rap, pop, rock, classical, etc. By melding these together Nashville, you fail in what your audience really wants and that is sad because you have lost a generation of listeners. Thank God I have more vodka and Waylon playing on the radio….
PS. Happy Pre-Friday peeps from God’s Country. Raise a glass to the weekend and remember…Real women like flowers and chocolate but they LOVE vodka and tacos.