Thursday, June 8, 2017

The Comey hearing: The CMA of politics

Dear Comey Senate Hearing, 

Usually today I find myself writing a recap of the annual CMA Awards Show giving you my take on the state of country music in Nashville. Instead, due to the Senate hearing concerning former FBI Director James Comey I would like to present to you my take on the current situation in Washington D.C. It includes the same drama, just no bad country music! Please enjoy. 

  1. Show kicks off with Senator Warren blaming Russia for everything that is wrong in America except for Hillary, Obama and liberals. Same old Washington. 
  2. Fake news and witch hunts are mentioned for the first time. This is like the “Taylor Swift” sighting at a country music awards show. 
  3. Comey takes the stand. Someone get this guy a drink. 
  4. He starts to rattle off his accomplishments, the highlight being putting Martha Stewart behind bars. Could be the oldest known millennial. 
  5. 5 minutes into the show and Comey admits to the Donald not directly asking him to drop the Russian probe. We could stop the show right here and all the Senators could go back to work. Being this is Washington that would make too much sense.
  6. Can we all have a senate hearing when we fail at our job?
  7. Trump is currently sitting in the Oval Office and dropping a Mr. Burns from the Simpsons laugh every time Comey opens his mouth. 
  8. Does Comey give a written record of his conversations with the President to Putin because that’s the Donald’s boss? 
  9. In 3 years you have had exactly 3 conversations with your boss?! How do get this job?
  10. Senator Warren takes the stage again using big, technical words. Very white of him. 
  11. Comey claims the President needs to have his loyalty. No bandwagon fans in this administration. 
  12. Trump allegedly whispers in Comey’s ear. I would have definitely swiped left. Great guy, it’s just the hair. 
  13. Dinner next?! Isn't their a White House policy concerning dating in the workplace?
  14. I still don't know who this “Flynn” is. Sounds like the latest duo destroying Nashville country music. 
  15. With those writing skills, Comey may just get a guest appearance on this blog. 
  16. The left rolls out Diane Feinstein, reminiscent of Nashville parading out Reba. You can’t fool me Washington D.C., you still suck. 
  17. Alleged sex beads and oversized blue pinstriped suit jackets are the new Washington D.C. starter kit. 
  18. Comey just claimed to be weak. This is why you are not the Director of the FBI. 
  19. “This is a very good cloud. I will make a better cloud.” -Trump discussing Russia with Comey. 
  20. Comey tells the president he has been very loyal. He repeats “loyal” 3 times to sound more like his boss. Kiss ass. 
  21. “This should be the first scandal of my presidency!” -Little Marco Rubio. 
  22. Waiting for Trump to walk into the Senate chambers holding a sign of a wall with the words “you’re next” as Senator Rubio speaks. 
  23. Why is Senator Wyden mocking Elmer Fudd? 
  24. Russia played a role in my coffee getting cold this morning. 
  25. Diane Feinstein wins worst outfit in politics….Senator Collins: “Hold my beer.” 
  26. Comey states that Russia will be back. Arnold smiles as the royalties keep rolling in. 
  27. If this hearing was a drinking game I would have fell off my bar stool by now. 
  28. “I did not have sexual relations with Russia.” -Donald Trump 
  29. Kamala Harris is this hearings version of Florida/Georgia Line. 
  30. 3 hours later and President Trump still didn't ask Comey to drop the Russian investigation no matter how many old white men and women ask him. It is like George Strait winning an award at the end of the night, we all knew the answer from the very start. 
  31. Did I mention I hate Florida/Georgia Line??? 

If this hearing proved anything it was that we as a country have a long ways to go before we are great again. We are one nation, a single flag and endless possibilities. Hanrwork and determination make this possible and quit is not in an American’s vocabulary. God Bless. 

Ps. Happy Thursday peeps, I hope you enjoyed this and wishing y'all an amazing weekend and remember…..Do all the things that scare you, because they’re worth it. 

#comey #trump #fbi #senatehearing #russia #putin #washingtondc #empireliving 

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