Your 2014 Pop Music Awards...Wait, that was country???

Dear 2014 CMA Awards,

Good morning and welcome to what I believe is my 3^rd or 4^th annual CMA Awards review. As I have looked back over the previous material that I have written about the state of Nashville country music, it seems that it has moved further away from what we would describe as “country”, and has drifted closer to what the definition of “pop” music is. After claiming last year would be my last review and against my better judgment and the well-being of my TV, I grabbed a drink and positioned myself on the couch for 3 hours to bring you the latest installment of the CMA Awards:

1.       Jimmy Buffet is the opening act of the night. Hippies dancing around, a rainbow painted school bus and a light show that had me contemplating dropping acid. What’s not country about that? Wait…What???...That was Kenny Chesney???...Makes perfect sense.

2.       Next act on stage is the dude from Rascal Flatt’s sporting a dress and extensions and singing the current pop anthem “All about that bass”. Two performances down and 20 minutes into the show and have yet to hear a tune concerning momma, trains, trucks or getting drunk.

3.       Brad Paisley, I have run out of hat jokes. You win.

4.       It’s nice to see Julia Roberts on stage with Brad and Carrie to announce the first award of the night. I’ve been wondering what she’s been up too.

5.       Florida/Georgia Line make their first appearance prompting me to reach for the remote for the first time. Due to the reviews of the past, my TV is currently fearless of this threat.

6.       Do you think Jason Aldean has already cheated on the new wife that he cheated on the last wife with? The fame that comes with starring in Benny Brown Ford commercials is sometimes too much to bear on a relationship.

7.       Another year of Jon Bon Jovi on stage and still no Bad Medicine. Go with what got you there, no one wants to hear this new country sound of yours. What???...That’s Keith Urban???

8.       Do you think Jesus finally hates Tim Tebow for appearing on stage with Hootie?

9.       Kacey Musgrave, the crackers are still on the nightstand and don’t even think about taking that bump-it off.

10.   The coal miner’s daughter still has a little left in those pipes.

11.   The jury is still out on whether Jason Aldean is currently on stage or if that is indeed Reno Rosser.  

12.   Only Nashville could ruin something as perfect as day drinking.

13.   What is an Ariana Grande?

14.   A little over an hour into the show and just hit the info button on the remote to make sure that this indeed was the country music awards.

15.   Florida and Georgia, having a hot sister still will not get me to like you.

16.   What is a Cole Swindell?

17.   Dierks, you get a pass on the jeans and bracelet. I’m a big fan.

18.   Guitar solos and shaking your hands around as if you’ve just suffered a seizure is the latest item to be added to the Nashville starter kit.

19.   Another year passes and still no hate for Blake Shelton.

20.   For the record, although we did share crackers, I am not Carrie Underwood’s baby’s daddy.

21.   Looks like Luke Bryan took advantage of the all things black end of summer sale at the Baby Gap.

22.   Fell asleep for 20 minute to be awoken to what appears to be the season finale of “Celebrity Biggest Loser”. I am very proud of you Vince Gill.

23.   Eric Church has come full circle. Welcome back to real country, I knew you could do it.

24.   For some reason the next act sounds and looks like the Doobie Brothers.

25.   Show is almost over and still no Taylor Swift sighting. That’s something to smile about.

26.   My night has perked up, Chris Gaines has just taken the stage.

27.   Luke Bryan “Entertainer of the Year” Let that sink in…

3 hours of my life that I’ll never get back, a mild buzz and the final nail into the Nashville country music coffin. This is one thing that can’t be pinned on Bush or Obama…..

Happy Thursday peeps on once again an amazing November day in God’s Country. The weekend is fast approaching so enjoy yourself and remember….There’s no time for bullshit when you’re building an empire.

#2014CMAs #nashville #skinnyjeans #leatherbracelets #empireliving

Republicans: Stick to your roots and change the game

Dear Republicans,

Woooo Hooo! You did it!...After years of the voting majority of the country believing that “Change” was what was right for the United States, the American people realized that true “Change” is what is needed to fix a broken system not only in Washington DC but across the landscape of this great nation. Now don’t screw it up!...I know you are all as ecstatic and giddy as a sorority girl on free Uggs giveaway night at the local Starbucks in the fall but that doesn’t mean you lose sight of the big picture and what got you elected to office. You all know what I’m talking about. Don’t be that youngest child who finally has the freedom to run the family business after years of being told what to do. The one who is drunk on power and will stop at nothing to leave their own lasting impressing on the company no matter how much it negatively effects the rest. This is what happened to the last administration and its followers, which has lead us to the disaster that we must right as a country today. Another piece of sage advice I would like to share with you is that the media and members of the Republican Party need to stop referring to any candidate who is a fresh face and has new ideas as the next “Ronald Reagan”. There is no bigger supporter of the 40^th President of the United States then the beer drinking, gun toting, freedom loving rice farmer who is writing this piece you are currently reading, but there will never be a “next” Ronald Reagan just like we will never see someone crush a fastball like Babe Ruth or hang in the air as long as Michael Jordan. They were all once in a generation game changers. Let’s focus on being the “first” and incorporate the ideologies of the great ones from the past like the immortal President Reagan into your agenda of fixing what is wrong with this country. Be the trendsetter that people are debating about being the “next” years down the road. Finally and most importantly, stay true to who you are and the people of the United States. Do not let Washington, politics and money detour you on your quest to fix what is wrong. Stick to the agenda at hand and make myself and the rest of the people who check “Republican” at the ballot box smile and not have us shaking our heads a few years from now. God Bless and most importantly…Merica!

PS. Happy Hump Day peeps on this gorgeous November day. Let’s make liberalism an endangered species and remember….Don’t ever trust someone who bites their ice cream without flinching. That just isn’t natural.

#election2014 #vote #republicans #empireliving 

Democracy works better when you vote

Dear United States citizens,

Countries go to wars over it. Empires fall because of it. People risk their lives in order to partake in it. It’s the basis of what a democracy stands for. If you answered “alcohol” after each I’m not going to argue with you, but what I’m looking for on this first Tuesday in November is your ability as a citizen of the greatest country in the world to vote. Yes, you have the power to change things. I know this may sound cliché, but it is true. Voting is what makes this country what it is. It offers everyone a chance to make a difference whether they are running for office themselves or electing someone that shares in their views and opinions on what their local, state or federal government should stand for. It has shaped this country since a bunch of wig wearing, feather scribbling bad asses thumbed their noses to a monarchy on the other side of the pond and continues to this day…Merica! Without the ability to vote, musicians would not be senators, actors could not become governors and idiot’s our president. People who fail to vote are constantly blaming the system as unfair and corrupt. They feel that one person never makes a difference and the constant barrage of all things political leading up to an election turns them off on the process as a whole. If you ask me, dealing with a mailbox constantly stuffed with trash, political ads that make local commercials tolerable and the abundance of signs that simply appear over the course of a night on every corner, fence or field within a 100 mile radius of a candidate’s district or referendum far outweighs the option of referring to someone as “your majesty” or the strong possibility of losing an appendage for your political views. As a person with future political aspirations and enough skeletons in the closet to fulfill these dreams, take the time today to make your way to your local polling facility and cast your vote. It doesn’t matter if you are Republican or Democrat, conservative or liberal, what you do today makes a difference in the future of this country you call home, plus they give you a sticker to show off to all your friends. I’m Marcus Monroe and I approve this ad…

PS. Happy Election Tuesday peeps, make a difference and remember….If it doesn’t include meat, it’s a snack. Merica.  

#vote #rockthevote #electiontuesday #empireliving

Farmers and Ranchers: Our own worst enemy

Dear leaders of the farming and ranching community along with “Agvocates”,

Monday was a good day. Rice harvest finished up and I decided to fulfill my civic duty as a pillar of the agriculture community and took part in a discussion at Chico State titled “The Future of the Farm”. The topic to be debated was “Can meat and dairy be produced “sustainably” to feed the planet?” If you’re asking yourself, “He went to a discussion most likely filled with Obama votes, Birkenstocks, a lack of general hygiene and folks who have never seen a farm other than Michael Pollan’s utopia of what the food system should look like?!?” Yes, I did, but being this is the first one of these I have attend in some time I made sure I had the natural Xanax of two beers and a shot in me to refrain from any Tourette moments I am prone to when participating in something I am passionate about (Did not want to disappoint ya’ll). The two person panel chosen to debate the topic consisted of David Simon, a lawyer from Southern California who is the general council of a healthcare company and is the author of the book “Meatonomics”. These credentials obviously makes him a foremost expert on farming, ranching and production agriculture. Megan Brown, cattle rancher and world renowned agriculture and food blogger occupied the chair next to Mr. Simon. This debate played out like most when you pit two ideological views against each other. Mr. Simon started the discussion in textbook fashion with pictures of animal cruelty at “factory farms” and facts taking out of content and blaming subsidies and “corporate farms” with what is wrong with agriculture before comparing the chicken and beef industry to the tobacco industry and then ending with all meats should be taxed as if it was a pack of cigarettes. Once again this guy is an expert on agriculture. Ms. Brown’s rebuttal was informative and was presented in a way that even the people who don’t agree with the consumption of meat products were able to be bipartisan towards a view not of their own. One statement Megan made that stood out among all others to me was; “We are our own worst enemy” when it came to describing the lack of communication the agriculture industry has with the public. I’ll get back to this statement in a moment. What concerned me with this discussion was not only the lack of attendance by members of the agricultural community but also by the lack of participation by the so called “leaders” of my industry. Faculty, students, local Ag organizations, etc. were presented with the opportunity to be a part of the discussion yet according to the mediator declined. If this is true, I’m not only dissatisfied by the institution that I proudly call my alma mater, it reiterates the previous mentioned fact that agriculture is its own worst enemy. As my blog has progressed and I look to ways to increase my reach to others, “experts” concerning social media have told me that I need to stick with one genera when it comes to my topics of discussion, meaning that I write about the trials and tribulation of farming. While I truly enjoy covering this topic both in print and pictures it does not help the bigger cause of getting our message out to others. The agricultural industry will never progress if it continues to preach to its own concerning topics of importance to the rest of society. Agriculture needs more people like Megan Brown who tackle issues that our out of our comfort zone and less cowboy hats and dirty boots sitting in the coffee shop solving the world’s problems one cup at a time….

PS. Happy hump day peeps and please forgive me for the harvest sabbatical. Have a great one and remember….A burrito is just a sleeping bag for some tasty meat.

#Beefjar #agvocates #Davidsimon #chicostateag #empireliving

High waisted shorts: The bro tank of the female species

Dear high waisted shorts,

We have all seen it before. First the fashion world brought us the mistake known as the “bell bottom” in the 60’s and 70’s. As we rolled into the 80’s and 90’s we were subjected to peg pants and neon hues. The early 2000’s through today has blessed us with bro tanks and skinny jeans. Years after another trend hits we look back on it and wonder “who is this idiot in this picture and why is he/she dressed like such a dickhead?!” Now as we have progressed as a society you would think that what appears on the catwalk in Paris, London or New York every year would not find its way to the closets of everyday people….WRONG! At bars, concerts and college campuses across the country the latest craze is taking place. Just like its aforementioned predecessors, what started out as a fad among a few outliers has progressed into a full blown pandemic as spring turned into summer. Yes, I am talking about you high waisted shorts and the effect you are having on the natural attraction of a male to a women is mind boggling. High waisted shorts are the bro tank for the female species. You see, no one likes them yet once you see someone wearing them you must follow suit. It is a look that takes the “muffin top” to the next level. This revelation alone should make all ladies who own a pair of this fashion misstep to burn them in liberation. Now usually there is a portion of society that can pull off a look when all others fail. This portion is usually referred to as “hot chick” (which also can be referenced as “Kate Upton”) or “Tom Brady” but in this instance these analogies fail. Even with all the above stated flaws with this look for some reason hot, ugly, fat, skinny, sorority girl, country chick, girl next door, and etc. have continued to choose jeans shorts that are cut off as if they were cotton granny panties that nestle just below your chest and pair it with a t-shirt from a concert you never attended that you added a frayed sleeve look to and precede to tuck this into the previously mentioned shorts to complete an appearance that has most males and females shaking their head. Ladies, I know it’s hard to take fashion advise from a guy who’s closet consist of plaid and pearl snaps along with a Chive shirt sprinkled in from time to time but I am an expert at beautiful women and this trend is taking the “beautiful” out of that equation. When choosing your next ensemble for a night on the town, shy away from something that is common place in trailer parks and honey boo boo’s mom’s closet. With winter fast approaching and the anticipation of yoga pants, Uggs and sweatshirts that it brings, one can only hope that it also leads to the death of yet another of society’s lapses in judgment….

PS. Hello peeps on this first rainy day of the season, here’s too many more albeit this farmer hope is they wait till November to bless us and remember….Why pay the doctor to make you better when you can pay the farmer to make you healthy. Now that that’s advice you usually have to pay for.

#highwaistedshorts #fashionmistakes #empireliving 

9/11: My generation's Pearl Harbor

Dear 9/11,

Where were you…….

It started off as a typical Tuesday. Up, shower, dress and hurry out the house for an 8AM meeting that I was already late for. In the hustle of grabbing my things, while harassing one roommate and waking up the other so she wouldn't be late for work, I failed to turn on the radio per my routine as I got dressed and repeated this mistake with the TV as I was grabbing a quick bite out of the fridge. Just a little after 6AM my phone started ringing. Being that this was the beginning of fall and most of my growers that I took care of as an agronomist were busy with harvest, it was unusual to receive a call at this hour. Glancing at the screen on the best flip phone with horrible service money could buy (thank you Nextel) it was my mother. Now the only time my mother calls is for two things: To nag and to nag some more. Seeing that it was her I let it go to voice mail. Placing my phone down on the counter I went back to my morning routine only to be interrupted by a ringing phone once more. It was again my mother. This process repeated itself once more before I picked up the phone to see what was so important this early in the morning. Before I could answer with my customary greeting for her, “What do you want?” she was screaming that we were being bombed. She repeated this over and over hysterically (and those of you who know Kathy, know she has cornered the market on hysterical) before I could get in a word edge wise. Upon calming down, I asked her just what the hell she was talking about. She then informed me to turn on the TV and as I scrambled for the remote and hit the power button the scene that was being played out before my eyes could only be described as something out of a Michael Bay movie. I screamed at my roommates to get in the living room as we witnessed the 2^nd plane hit the towers. As we watched the terror unfold, news reports were sketchy with talks of other planes hitting landmarks and bombs being placed in schools, I abruptly told my mother I loved her, hung up the phone and called friends in Chico to make sure they were alright. As the day played out and the information on what had actually happened became more concrete, the emotions of disgust, hate, anger, retaliation, sadness, etc. overwhelmed me like most Americans. President Bush took to the airwaves to address the nation on the tragedy that had unfolded earlier in the day. His historic words reassured myself and the rest of the nation why the United States is the greatest country in the world:

“Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America. These acts shatter steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve. America was targeted for attack because we're the brightest beacon for freedom and opportunity in the world. And no one will keep that light from shining.” – George W. Bush

13 years later the words of this iconic address still stands true. From Al Qaeda to the current threat from ISIS we are a country that despite our differences, stand united when it comes to one thing….America. God Bless…..

PS. I only have three words for you to remember on this day….NEVER FORGET. Merica.  

#9/11 #America #neverforget #UnitedStates #empireliving 

Dating in your late 20's and into your 30's...According to this expert

Dear dating in your late 20’s and through your 30’s,

I get approached constantly on topics to write about or discuss. Lately the subject of dating has been broached by both male and female friends. Most have either been in a long term relationship or a marriage which has recently ended. Some have kids and some don’t. The question they all ask me is how and when do they get back into the dating “game” and how exactly does it work now?  Being that I’ve somehow managed to keep myself single all these years I qualify as a one of the foremost experts on the subject and am willing to share some sage advice at no cost to you….

My life guide to dating (late 20’s and through your 30’s):

1.       If you are jumping back into the dating game after a long period of time it can be scary. Change is hard for all of us, especially when it comes to intimately interacting with someone new. The best way to deal with this is to use the “Crawl, walk, run” method. It is exactly as it sounds. You have to crawl before you either walk or run in anything you do in life and we all have our own pace on getting to the next step. Always remember to do what feels best to you.

2.       I use to believe that there was a certain “time table” when it came to dating after being in a long relationship or marriage. I’m here to tell you there ISN’T. If you meet someone whether it’s been a few days, a week or months and it feels right, then it probably is. There is no calendar to this.

3.       Take a chance! If you are interested in someone they will never know unless you take that leap of faith and put yourself out there. That person at the coffee shop, gym, grocery store, bar, etc. may just be thinking the same thing about you.

4.       It used to be easy to know when you were in a relationship with someone but for some reason as we get older this changes. At a young age it was as simple as checking “yes” or “no” on a box or asking the girl or guy to be your significant other. The key as with everything is communication. Be upfront with each other on what you want now and as you move forward. It takes the guessing and uncertainty out of the equation.  

5.       TALK to each other. I’m not talking about a text or via Facebook, pick up the phone and call them. The emotion in the human voice in a one on one conversation can never be replaced.  

6.       LISTEN to each other. I don’t know how many times I have to reinforce that point.

7.       Be HONEST. Whether you are 21 or 31 this never goes out of style.

8.       Have FUN! This is what life is all about.

9.       If you don’t find someone right away that you click with don’t worry, it will eventually happen. Never settle for anything in life, especially if it’s someone that you want to share yours with.

The best advice I can give is if you are with someone currently or looking for that special person is to never “stop dating”. When we find ourselves in a relationship we tend to get into a comfort zone and forget the things we did to catch the eye of, or impress that special someone. Never use the excuse of work, a busy life or later children to get in the way of you and your significant other. Take each other to dinner, see a movie, hold hands when he or she least expects it, send her flowers, leave a little note on their windshield and let them know what they mean to you and most of all….tell her she’s beautiful. Trust me that never gets old….

PS. Happy Hump Day peeps as we move closer to harvest and remember….The one thing about the ground is it doesn't give much.

#dating #advice #marriage #drphil #empireliving