Dear Country Music,
Laying around Sunday evening contemplating the results of my latest experiment from a fun filled weekend which I will dub “The correlation between dementia and numerous shots of Fireball” and always being the curious type I added another wrinkle to the equation by transforming both Saturday and Sunday into what we in Chico like to call “Fundays”. The results were mixed in that I both had the time of my life but also may have lost 5 years off of that same life. Deciding that I needed an outlet from my most recent experimentation I turned on the TV and witnessed the spectacle that is the American Country Music Awards. After 3 hours of nonsense I realized a few things. First, what you define on the radio and the performances on the show are about as country as the current president with a shotgun in his hand. I know Blake Shelton kept repeating over and over that the days of “bubble gum pop country” are gone but then in the same breath you parade male singer after male singer in skinny jeans, leather bracelets and v-necks on stage like I’m stuck at a boy band concert not named O-Town. Secondly at no point ever should a man in a cowboy hat that looks like it was picked from the discount rack at the finest Sunday flea market in Rosarita be singing a duet with a man from Harlem who’s previous claim to fame was dropping base lines about going back to Cali…..I don’t think so. To add to this point country and rap should never cross musical path ever just as Charlie Sheen and Lindsey Lohan should never be left alone with a large sum of money in Columbia. All bad things come from this. I love me some country music and some rap just like I love strip clubs and my parents but putting either of those two things together are horrible ideas. My third point about your current state of music is that the famous phrase “we are doomed to repeat ourselves” would be the best thing that happened to your current genre of music. Seeing two legends join the stage together in George Strait and Garth Brooks brought a smile to my face and for a moment reminded me of what good country use to sound like minus Chris Gaines hideous shirts. Give me a black hat, guitar, a story and a little bit of twang and I will show you a country who wants to turn the radio up and ask for more. So Country Music I ask that you please take my suggestions under consideration and know that the likes of Reckless Kelly, Ryan Bingham, The Turnpike Troubadours, etc. are here to remind Nashville that real country music is alive and well.
PS. Happy Hump Day peeps, it finally looks like spring is here with the warm weather and sunshine. Enjoy your day and put a smile on someone’s face when they least expect it, it will make there day, I know I’m smiling and remember……Monday’s are a terrible way to spend 1/7th of your life.