Dear North Korea,
For years you have been like that crazy uncle that everyone has in their family. You know the one who gets all mollared up on cheap brandy and eggnog or in some of our cases here in the north state one too many ice cold Budweiser’s at Christmas and decides it’s a great idea to drop F-bombs at the kids table or that he should be the one to carve the turkey or ham and ends up with one less digit on his hand every year till mittens replace gloves as a winter accessory. We laugh as you continue to march out one leader after another who look like they were Jim Henson’s 1st draft on the Muppet’s concept more than the leader of a 3rd world country with human rights standards that make Hitler look like Mother Teresa. We have dealt with your shenanigans knowing that your big brother China patiently watches over you and slaps you on the head when you get out of line while trying to play with the big kids all the while knowing that one day there would come a point where you crossed the line and it would be time for that oh so important lesson known as playground justice. Your recent actions with threats of war against the United States and our allies have shown us and the rest of the world that you still have not learned anything from your older sibling and it’s time to learn one of life’s little lessons. Since your leader who I still think was the inspiration for that great relic of the 80’s the troll doll is keen on American customs and shares a love for our national pastime let me break it down to you in baseball terms; you are a Justin Verlander World Series fastball and we are the Panda. We carry a big stick and will crush whatever you offer up. It doesn’t get any more real than that. So I am asking you one last time that if you know what’s good for you that you will take your ball and go home before we decide to make your country the 51st state in our great nation…..Play ball!
PS. Happy Friday peeps the weekend is here so lift an ice cold glass of your favorite beverage and enjoy it. It’s going to be a good one so throw some magic Barry Zito’s way as my boy makes use of that bender that is prettier than a rainbow after a spring rain to mow down the Cards today and remember…..You can’t buy happiness but you can buy vodka and that’s kind of the same thing.