Dear Power Ball,
$550 million...$550 million say it with me peeps $550 million dollars. At 8pm tomorrow night millions of people will be eagerly waiting for six little balls that moonlight as beer pong essentials to be chosen at random and thus possibly putting one person or a group of people into a higher tax bracket and at the same time changing their minds about taxing the wealthy. The sad truth is disappointment will soon overtake the masses when you come to the realization that this guy holds the golden ticket. Yes you heard that right I have gone and spent my life savings which amounts to a Southwest flight to Los Angeles and a case of tall boys all in the attempt of coming up a winner in the lower socially economic version of the 401K plan. Once I collect my winning which for most of the states playing would be around $275 million dollars but since I reside in the tax unfriendly state of California I will only be walking away with around $200 million and change (Jerry Brown has to build that canal you know). As for all of you sitting there and saying to yourself; “This money won’t change him. He will still be that down to earth kid from the country”…WRONG!!! I have a list of stuff to do that I have been carrying around forever and the only thing that is holding me back is money. When Monday morning rolls around myself and my closest friends will be boarding a jet (if you don’t live near me don’t fret, we are picking you up along the way) headed to the private island I just bought in the south pacific stocked with endless cases of beer, wine, booze and anything else that your haze wanting mind can think of and if you find yourself hungry at anytime I’m having an In and Out being built at the island as you read this and going to do everything that $200 million dollars can provide you. Along with this and the numerous other purchases that I will be making such as multiple race horses and a share or two of my favorite sports franchises. Please don’t think I’m going to spend it all frivolously and not do something for the good of the world and the environment. I will be doing my part to end global warming. At the club it’s going to rain. Grocery shopping…It’s going to rain. Between check in’s at bars...It’s going to rain also my first act in giving back to my community with my newfound riches is free umbrellas for my friends and residents of the north state. What I am trying to say is as long as I’m around the weatherman will not talking to you again about drought and a reminder to all the little people out there, yes I will forget about you!
PS. Happy Friday peeps, this farmer just wrapped up planting season so will be looking to enjoy some cold beverages this weekend enjoy yourselves and remember….A good man gets a table, a better man grabs a round.