There's a little Bill Murray in all of us

Dear Bill Murray,

Have you ever tried to get ahold of Bill Murray? Try his agent? Nope that didn’t work because he lacks one. Ok, I’ll call his manager. All of Hollywood’s elite pay someone to take care of their day to day affairs. What??? No manager either??? Wait….He has an 800 number that you must call to set up a meeting with him?!? Pure genius. I’m here to tell you that Bill Murray maybe the best guy on this planet. Last night as I laid on the couch still trying to shake the effects of Cabo (I hate you) it was suggested that we watch the movie “St. Vincent” starring the aforementioned movie star. This flick not only made me laugh but made me cry and in the end left a smile across my face. The credits may say otherwise but in a way Bill Murray played himself in this movie. I’m not talking about the drunk, angry old guy (well yes, drunk may fit here) what I am expressing is he’s the man on screen that will do anything to bring a smile to someone’s face. Let’s put aside what he has accomplished in his film career which include some of the most memorable roles the comedy genera has seen. From Caddy Shack and Carl Spackler (the Dali Lama) to Dr. Peter Venkman (Don’t cross the streams) along with portraying the greatest bowler this side of Woody Harrelson he has made us laugh for close to 40 years. The random acts of kindness that Mr. Murray partakes in are legendary. On a golf outing in Scotland a few years ago he befriended a college student who he met at the local watering hole and accompanied him to a party. Not wanting to be a bad guest, he washed all the dishes in the hosts sink. Yep, I could see Sean Penn doing that. While on a walk in Roosevelt Island, NY he spotted a gang of peeps playing kickball and decided that being a spectator wasn’t for him so he jumped in and played a couple games with the group. For some reason I don’t picture a lot of Hollywood’s elite participating if this same opportunity presented itself. Popping into a karaoke bar one evening to enjoy a cocktail or six he was confronted by a patron who asked if he would like to join him and his friends for some bad song choices and a couple of beers. Instead of brushing them off, he joined them for a duet and bought a round for the group. How come I don’t think this would be what happened if Beyoncé walked into that same NYC bar? The measure of a man is best shown by what he does for others to make there lives better without benefit to himself.  Bill Murray exemplifies this trait. We all have had someone in our lives touch us the way the lead character “Vincent” played by the incomparable Murray did. On this Friday I challenge you to be that person, Go out of your way to make someone’s life better. Hug a loved one just because. Call your annoying mother and use more than “ok” when responding to her conversation. Buy a stranger a drink. Be Bill Murray for a brief moment and I promise you that the repercussions for your actions will be something that not only will make you smile, but will makes this world a better place….

PS. Sorry it has been so long since we have chatted. Have an amazing Friday peeps and remember…..Always make sure to thank the sidewalks for keeping you off the streets.

#Billmurray #stvincent #chive #kcco #empireliving

The Bachelor: Given farmers a bad rep one episode at a time

Dear Chris Soules of the Bachelor,

For years numerous friends have told me that I should toss my name into the hat as a contestant on “The Bachelor”. They informed me that America needs someone that is “real” along with being handsome, charming, witty and engaging (hey, there words not mine). Additionally, what better way to bring light to agriculture then to have millions of viewers tune in each week and watch a farmer find love one rose ceremony at a time. I am here to tell you and the rest of America that I am sorry… I blame myself for not following through with these requests and thus, the result of my lack of action is this poor example of a “farmer” that ABC brings you every week on the latest installment of the Bachelor. When Paul Harvey penned, “So God made a Farmer” he was not talking about Chris Soules. Farmers do not shovel grain out of silos wearing 7 for all Mankind jeans and designer Italian loafers. Ranchers do not ride around on a horse checking dairy cattle in a RVCA shirt with freshly removed sleeves and a pair of skinny jeans you picked up at the Diesel store in Des Moines. I know, you are all saying to yourself, “Marcus, aren’t you the one that is constantly trying to change how we picture a farmer in America?” The answer to that is indubitably YES, but even I don’t wear what I’m going to the club in later that night to the ranch in the morning. Rhinestone pocketed jeans are made for Friday nights and look best when worn by women not Monday morning solving the world’s problems with Earl and the boys at the local coffee shop (Andy Stone this means you also). It’s not just the clothing choices that this self-anointed “prince farming” makes but it is the lack of “the whole package” that he brings us each week. Let me expound on this. The art of finding a significant other to not only date but eventually spend the rest of your life with takes many skills. The first of these is the ability to put words together and form sentences. Most people call this “talking” and is something we learn to do as adolescences. Chris Soules on the other hand takes the simple art of conversation and turn it into something that resembles the Cookie Monster after an all-night bender of vodka and bad decisions. It pains me to hear what his response is when one of the girls asks him how his day is. How many “ummmms” and blank stares can one fit into their daily communication? Other talents that women look for when searching for a significant other include humor, intelligence and attractiveness. All of which are mostly attainable for the general male population in one form or another. Once again, Chris fails in these categories. When you lack one or all of these basic life skills there is that one trump card that most of us can’t fall back on…BEING RICH! Yes, Chris you land into this category thanks to your parents farming empire and the lottery you won by being born into it, congrats! This fact alone will insure that one of the finalists makes her way to the land of corn and a lack in elevation and call you husband for a nominal period of time. The old adage is that “any press is good press” when it comes to the media. In the case of the Bachelor masquerading as a farmer this statement can be tossed out the door. It is going to take years to convince the public that we are not what they witness for 2 hours every Monday night. Chris, with only three women remaining I’ll forget about all the damage you have done to the perceived image the public has of a farmer by cutting Becca lose. I think she would look much better in Northern California….Wait, who am I kidding you would screw that up also. This farmer needs a hug….

PS. Happy Friday peeps on this beautiful day in God’s Country. Enjoy your weekend and remember….If your pants are too tight you should probably stop shopping at the Baby Gap.

#Bachelor #ABC #chrissoules #Iowa #corn #pricefarming #empireliving

Vaccinations..Thank you modern medicine

Dear vaccination of children debate,

In your lifetime have you ever suffered from Polio? Nope. The measles? No to that. Ok, how about tuberculosis? What’s that you say? A negative on that also. I’m not the Surgeon General nor do I claim to be a doctor, nurse or have ever earned any fancy letters to follow my signature. I frown upon needles and will not let the person I care for and trust the most insert an IV in me. With that disclaimer out of the way (the lawyers have been getting after me) I want to pass along some sage medical advice….. Vaccinating your children is a GOOD thing. The miracle of modern medicine and the advent of vaccines has either eradicated or greatly reduced a number of diseases that before were a major cause of fatalities not only among newborns and young children but also adults. Parents who choose to avoid life saving vaccines for their children like the plague (I got jokes) are not only putting their own child at risk but are exposing their peers to the possibility of being affected by any number of life threating diseases. I know what you naysayers are thinking. “Marcus, how can a kid contract a disease that it has been immunized for? The only one that is at risk is my own child.”….. WRONG! Not all immunizations shots are given at birth. A great number are not administrated until after the first month of a child’s life. Also, there are numerous children who suffer from immune conditions that leave them vulnerable to life threating diseases even though they have been vaccinated. Yep, your judgment is solitary in its actions. Parents who don’t believe in the immunization of their children often refer to the “herd immunity” mentality when it comes to protecting them from an infectious disease. If the majority of their peers are vaccinated they have no worries….WRONG again. With more parents refraining from the use of vaccines the more susceptible the “herd” is to contracting a life threating disease. To borrow from the realm of agriculture, if you have one sick cow, he is going to have an impact on the entire herd. Vaccine preventable diseases flourish where there is no herd immunity. It’s science. The fear that some parents also claim is that vaccines in children lead to an increased risk of autism later in childhood. So what you’re telling me is that you are willing to risk your son or daughter’s wellbeing because you read a small sample study from some European country that there “might” be a correlation between the two? In the bluntest way possible, I’m saying you should probably reassess your parenting abilities. Personal belief isn’t going to keep your child healthy. Polio doesn’t care what you think, it only wants to disable or kill your offspring. Religion isn’t going to prevent your child from contracting TB. Believing in God is going to give you hope if he or she ever suffers from this crippling disease while medication works it course in saving them. Progress and the advancement in medicine is what has increased our life expectancy from 46 to 74 over the last hundred years. It has wiped polio and smallpox from our vocabulary. I’m not saying to not ask your doctor questions when it comes to the wellbeing of your child, what I am stating is that the aforementioned numbers don’t lie and you don’t need a prescription for that...

PS. Happy hump day peeps on this sunny Wednesday. Get out on enjoy some vitamin D and remember….Always be touching her, even when your hands cannot reach.

The hero that is Chris Kyle

Dear Chris Kyle and American Sniper,

Hello, I would like to start off with a little word association (You can play along at home):

Michael Moore: Idiot

Jane Fonda: Idiot

Seth Rogan: Canadian Idiot (I should have just said idiot twice)

The aforementioned trio are allowed to state their views and opinions along with myself and my thoughts concerning them because of the freedom of speech that the 1st Amendment affords us.

One more for you:

Chris Kyle: Hero.

The reason we are allowed to say and do the things that we do on a daily basis are because of heroes like Chris Kyle and members of the United States military both past and present who defend and keep this country safe. While the 1st Amendment grants us all the freedom to say what we want, it doesn’t have the ability to make those thoughts intelligent or tactful. Recent commentary by the likes of Michael Moore and Seth Rogan concerning Chris Kyle and the movie “American Sniper” can attest to this. Since we are on the topic of freedom of speech, I would like to exercise some of my own. Chris Kyle is better than you and I. Putting your life on the line to defend another’s can have this effect. Chris Kyle did things defending this country most of us could never fathom. Having to make the decision to pull the trigger on men, women and children to save American lives really makes me question why I worry sometimes over the choices I make. Chris Kyle had demons. 160 confirmed kills will do this to a human being. I like most can’t begin to know the toll it took on him and his mind and soul. Above all this, Chris Kyle is a hero. From the acts of valor demonstrated for our country to helping veterans like himself upon returning to civilian life and ultimately losing his own at the hands of someone he was attempting to help allows this honor that is all to many times throwing around loosely to be bestowed upon him. The audacity that some have to question Chris Kyle and his actions make me sick. I would say the phrase “walk a mile in somebody else’s shoes” would be relevant here but then again, being that the perpetrators are from that bastion that is Hollywood, they would surely have a stunt double do the real work them. Supporting our troops abroad and home doesn’t make you a redneck, racist, hillbilly, tea party activist or republican. It makes you an American and should be practiced by every citizen who calls the United States home. I dream of a world where we shouldn’t have to defend our military and those who serve this country like Chris Kyle to keep it safe and allow us the freedom to do what we do every day. War isn’t about puppy dogs and ice cream. War is all the bad things in the world that we don’t have to be a part of because the men and women of our armed forces stand guard on that fence on the reg to keep our way of life safe.

OK, last one:

160 confirmed enemy kills, 4 tours of duty in Iraq, 5 Bronze Star Medals, 2 Silver Star Medals and 2 Purple Hearts, proud Texan, husband, father and hero: Chris Kyle.

I’m pretty good at this…Merica.

Ps. Happy hump day peeps and go see American Sniper and max out that red, white and blue while you’re at it and remember….If she doesn’t scare the hell out of you a little, she’s not the one.

#Chriskyle #Americansniper #Navyseals #sethrogan #empireliving

My life according to me

Dear Birthday,

A chronological look back on my so called life to date…..

1st to 3rd: My first few years were filled with many challenges. Diapers were something that I was not familiar with. They seemed like a good idea at the time until I had to go to the bathroom. My mother and father I believed weren’t educated or failed to decipher my grunts and screams when it came time for me to go. I would attempt to hold it in but a diet of Gerber carrots and the green stuff would always get the better of me. I feel though that this in a way prepared me for late night trips to Tacos De later in college.

4th to 7th: With my early years behind me and having mastered the game changing art of potty training which opened life up to many new adventures. Being raised in the country I was free to roam with the dogs and other animals at the ranch. I was still trying to master this language my parent’s spoke which was referred to as “English” but at the same time I was still speaking “baby gibberish” and picking up “dog”. As I ran around the yard with the dogs I noticed that when they had to pee, they would find a tree or bush and go. I said to myself, “hey! What a great idea!” I still emulate this lesson to this day.

8th to 12th: As I moved into adolescence new things became front and center in my life. Up until this point my life revolved around 3 things: my roommates who I referred to as “mom and dad” (very traditional), my love of the outdoors and of course farming. It was around this era that sports were introduced to me. Baseball, football and the Cowboys became my passion. It was at this time that I learned what disappointment was.

13th to 18th: The one main rule in my father’s household was that if you weren’t playing sports you were working. Because of this my teen years were filled with many hours on the athletic field. The NFL needed a 5’9” white free safety with subpar speed, they just didn’t know it yet. The last few years of this time frame was also the time I experienced what living alone was like. You see, I was Dylan McKay before there was a 90210. Coming home to random friends at your house and waking up to people asleep on your couches prepared me for life in the AGR house later on.

19th to 25th: These were my college years spent first at Cuesta College in SLO and then on to Chico State which is more commonly known as “The Harvard of the West”. This was a very hazy time in my life. I do know at some point I joined a fraternity, played rugby, had the first black dog come into my life and graduated with a degree in Ag. Business.

26th to late 20’s: Work became the dominate force in my life. I still waited by the phone though everyday eagerly awaiting that call from the NFL. I purchased my first home along with my second later on. I also got engaged at this time. Yes peeps, I was almost transformed to a life of children, minivans and golf at an early age. Luckily I escaped that trap unscathed and have become what people like to refer to as a “unicorn” today.

30’s to 40’s: At this time I made my return to the mecca that is Chico. Bars rejoiced and my liver quivered at the thought of re-releasing me back into the wild that is Chico’s Downtown armed with a much higher income level then I possessed in college. No more White Wolf or Canadian Mist for this guy!

Late 40’s to present: Life is good. Rice, hunting, travel, great friends, fun and Tres Hombres dictate my life. The black dog with a love of pudding pops and ugly sweaters first came into my world along with the paparazzi that has accompanied his rise to fame. I discovered that I could write again and that I’m good at it in a confident not cocky way. I became a home owner again, and the color of the trim is amazing. The people in my life make me smile constantly. I’m am still that unicorn.

It has been an amazing run thus far, and throughout this journey I have learned to be positive towards it all. I’m a big believer in “everything happens for a reason”, God made it that way so life wouldn’t be boring and predictable. Remember to keep the good ones in it that you come across (you will know who they are), don’t overthink things and continue to take breaths away. Thank you all for being a part of this and can’t wait to see where the next adventure takes me! Cheers! I am still a unicorn….

PS. Happy start of the work week peeps, hope the weekend was amazing and remember…..Dinner is best served in a glass, with ice, some vodka and a slice of lemon.

#mylife #empireliving

Islam vs. All of us

Dear Charlie Hebdo Newspaper killers, “extremists” and Islam,

Islam is a religion of hate…..There, I said it. Call me a racist, bigot, redneck, white trash, etc. Every time an act of terror occurs involving followers of the Islamic religion we are quick to label them as “extremists” and that the actions of a few are not the opinion or views of the religion as a whole. The media parades out numerous “leaders” of the Islam faith who preach that it is a religion of love and understanding, not of hate and violence. Let’s go to the scoreboard concerning this…..The current example of Islam not being a hateful religion involves the senseless murders of 12 people at a French newspaper because they had the audacity to print a series of satirical cartoons depicting Muhammad and Islam. As this slaughter of innocent lives took place the shouts of “Allah Akbar!” and “We avenged the prophet Muhammad!” can be heard in surveillance videos and confirmed by witness to this act of terror. This along with the beheading of kidnapped westerners, suicide bombings, killing of innocent people, deplorable treatment of women and its overall demeanor when it comes to the rest of the world all screams to me a religion not based on hate and violence. Continuing to refer to this as acts of “extremists” has worn thin with the majority of our planet. Now I’m not a scholar when it comes to religion but I’ve never heard anyone utter the term “extreme Catholic” or “extreme Sikh” or “extreme Mormon” at any point in my life. You know why? Because these examples of organized religion and others like them do not consider a bombed strapped your body as proper casual Friday attire or that it’s appropriate to turn journalists into human pez dispensers because they have a belief other than your own. The world is tired of excuses that are made by yourself and the media. If you aren’t a religion based on hate then your leaders need to step up and denounce these heinous crimes against innocent people and seek out and make an example of the quote “extremists”. Continuing to do nothing only reaffirms the growing opinion and thoughts that the general public has towards Islam. When an event happens once it can be chalked up as a “random act”. When this same event occurs numerous times it becomes a pattern. Muslims, the ball is in your court once again. With each passing moment you lose the rest of us in your attempt save face over each act of terror and hate you bring against people with beliefs other than your own. It’s only a matter of time before the rest of the 5.4 billion of us on the planet start thinking like the few. The clock is ticking…..

PS. Happy Thursday peeps on this gorgeous Thursday in January. Please forgive me for my absence, but the holidays, my recent move and a case of writer’s block have kept me from keeping you entertained and thinking. Big things ahead and promise to step up my game and remember….Brunch without booze is just a sad late breakfast.

#Charliehebdo #France #terror #Islam #empireliving

Ignorance is color blind

Dear Ferguson rioters,

Let’s go to the score card from last night’s activities:

·         12 plus businesses badly damaged or destroyed.

·         3 police cars burned to the ground.

·         61 arrests.

·         Thousands of dollars of merchandise looted and dreams destroyed.  

This is what mayhem, bedlam and the destruction of your home accomplish:

·         One black male is still dead.

Congratulations, you just set civil rights along with humanity as a whole back 100 years! Who is to blame for all of this? The answer is actually quite simple. In a society where 90% of violent crimes against blacks are committed by blacks themselves, yet there are no protests, calls for justice or major media coverage concerning this issue. You know why? It is the same reason that you don’t hear about white on white violent crimes which happen at right around the same clip. It’s because the “race baiters” in society have nothing to gain from it. Where is Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, etc. when the above mentioned crimes are being perpetrated? Nowhere, because there are no camera present or dollars to be made. The race card is only relevant when there is something to gain. The dream that Martin Luther King had has turned into a multi-million dollar industry for the above mentioned players and others like them, and the ones who suffer are the people that they are reported to help. When this situation calms down and the TV cameras disappear, they will move on to the next “cause” and not take the time to look back at the destruction that is left behind. The problem with communities like Ferguson and others like it is that it’s too easy to blame others for the situations that it faces. I have heard over and over about the racial makeup of the city council, school board and police force and how blacks have no voice. In a town where 67% of the voting population is black, if 100% did there civic duty and voted then these publicly determined positions would be filled by the demographics that the town represents. That math works at both Chico State and Harvard. It’s not a matter of race and hatred, it’s a matter of ignorance and laziness. Use your God given right as a citizen of the United States to make a difference and vote. Race didn’t kill Michael Brown, the ignorance of attacking a police officer did. Racism didn’t cause the city council and police force of Ferguson to be white, the laziness of the voting public determined that. Race did not cause the violence seen in this same city last night, the race baiting of the lazy and the ignorant did and the community is ultimately the one who suffers. Ignorance and laziness sees no color, unless it’s told too….Merica.

PS. Happy Tuesday peeps on this holiday week, may you have a drink in your hand as it comes to an early close and remember…..You’re either at the table or on the menu.

#Ferguson #riots #michaelbrown #empireliving