Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Bangers, beans and the royal baby

Dear royal baby,
The news this week is full of headlines that are relevant to people around the nation. Some examples are: “Federal minimum wage goes four years without budging” which covers the money issues some families are facing in these trying economic times. Another one read; “Snowden to remain in transit zone of Moscow Airport for now” ok, that takes care of the problems in Washington. Let’s see what else is out there that is important to the world today??? hmmmmm…..Oh, what’s this??? “Harry’s less cool brother and wife give birth to their first child.”……Wait a second?! How is this noteworthy to anybody other than the people of Great Britain? Why is it that a baby being born to a monarchy that hasn’t been relevant since the advent of wooden ships is so noteworthy in this day and age? If I was a card carrying member of Russell Brand’s homeland I would not be rejoicing for another royal to join the list of numerous underachievers that come from a family tree that resembles something out of the South with its lack of branches than one that symbolizes the rulers of a country that is known more for its bad weather and brown golf courses. The royal family cost England to the tune of $310 million dollars per year and grows with each new member. The country must pray every time there is a story of Harry naked along with numerous strippers and not a condom in sight. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not a total hater when it comes to the red jackets. It has always been my belief that if everyone spoke with a British accent life would be much jollier and if every sentence ended with “that’s rubbish” people would smile just a little more. I just don’t see what all the fuss is about over Charlie and Di’s grandchild. 361,000 babies are born each day in the United States. Yes, that same country that thumbed its nose to the monarchy across the pond thus creating the nation that has dominating world affairs since 1776 and not a single one of them got airtime on the Today Show (there is a no touching policy of interns Matt…FYI). Out of that number numerous ones will grow up to be doctors, policeman, farmers or any other of the various professions out there and contribute much more to society than the yet unnamed bundle of joy. Speaking of that let’s all hope that Kate and Wills stick to the basics and not try to one up the Hamburgler and Kanye. I myself am voting for Carlos because I can picture it now….They say it rains in London a lot but just wait till Uncle Harry hits up Las Vegas with nephew and paparazzi  in tow and not a strip club in site that hate on the Euro….Long live the King.
PS. Happy hump day peeps! woot woot! Hope you are having a marvelous day and remember….Whiskey is just sunlight held together by water.

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