Thursday, July 11, 2013

The NFL's new favorite stat: Murder

Dear Aaron Hernandez, 

Let’s see here…..Grow up in a small town in Connecticut and earn a scholarship to one of the top football factories in the country at a university that is known more for its tan lines than academia….Check. Win a National Championship while making catch after catch from someone who Jesus now patterns his life after….Check. Get drafted by the classiest organization in the NFL with the opportunity to catch touchdown passes from Mrs. Gisele Bundchen….Check. You sign a mutli-year deal after your 3rd season in the league worth $47 million dollars thus setting you and your family up for life for playing a game for a living….Check. Allegedly murdering your fiancés sisters boyfriend for talking to the wrong people while you were making it rain up in the club….Check. Whoa!!! Wait, pump the brakes! That’s not part of the All American feel good story that had not only ESPN but Telemundo salivating to be a part of their next documentary series. Did you really have to go and one up your teammate Ron Gronkowski? Being someone that likes to find the good in all situations I would like to thank you not because you cowardly took another man’s life but because you killed the phenomenon known as “Tebowing” with the simple act of showing the world that a person can rock a t-shirt over their arms while in the cold steel bracelet’s known as handcuffs and earn yourself a spot in pop culture with the fad now known as “Hernandezing” and giving every frat guy from here to the east coast something new to impress the ladies with at their local watering hole. What is the current fascination that NFL athletes have with killing people or committing other numerous felonies? What happened to the days of mounds of blow, fur coats and hookers running rampant through the team training room? At least the only thing that died there were marriages. I have a few ideas for current players and guys dreaming of making it in the pros. First you don’t need to cover yourself in prison tats and buy a gun which you have no clue of using besides what you saw the 20th time you watched Scarface. You are already larger and faster than the average human being thus making the rest of us scared of you already. Second, when someone disrespects you at the club or anywhere else you roll just walk away. You are making more in a year than homeboy will most likely see in his lifetime and you will not have any less street cred than what you rolled in with for the simple fact that you are most likely wearing designer jeans and have more gold on then Beyonce. Lastly, be a role model for the millions of kids who look up to you and aspire to be you someday, Let the kids remember you by your jersey number not your penal code number….

PS. Happy hump day peeps. I hope you all are back in the swing of things after a long holiday weekend. The next is right around the corner and I can’t wait and remember….There’s a little bit of farmer in all of us.

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