Dear Las Vegas,
So in my weekly Thursday routine of stimulating the economy in the general area known as Downtown Chico paying particular attention to the businesses hit the hardest since the student population has left. With names like “Tres”, “Bellas” and “Banshee” I try my best as a hard working American to help them by supporting whatever $1 drink or $3 shot special they may offer to get them through these trying times. As I sat their enjoying one of these pocket friendly cocktails a group of patrons sitting next to me asked me what I had planned for the weekend. Glancing over at them in a semi glazed state I replied; “Oh nothing to big, just getting ready to saddle up and head to Las Vegas in the morning!” Yes you heard me right the one person who should be banned from that paradise in the desert is back after a 10 year self imposed layoff (yes if you do the math right I was 15) and I’ve got a pocket full of cash and a lot of pent up enthusiasm to blow off since my last visit. Over priced libations and bottle service by the pool….Check. Strippers who double as cocktail waitresses working their way through dental school…Check. Some dude dressed in a fur coat and going by the handle “Huggy Bear” trying to sell you anything from gold watches to Columbia’s finest import…Check. Yes people you are starting to get the picture of what this oasis in Southern Nevada has to offer and it is all things that my friends, family and loved ones have continued to warn me about over the weeks leading up to this trip. Don’t fret though because this rice farmer with severe ADD and a black dog to come home to has only one goal in mind and if you are anywhere near one of the numerous fine gentleman club’s scattered throughout the greater Vegas area I know that there is triple digit heat in the forecast but I am advising you to carry an umbrella as a precaution because after I take the strip for all its worth like a modern day rain man hopped up on Redbull, vodka and an occasional fireball I’ll be up in the club making it rain down $100 bills ya’ll one after the other as if I was Kanye just realizing that the baby that the killer whale formally known as Kim Kardashian is carry was not mine but some other talentless black rapper with a formal education. God speed and MERICA!!!
PS. Happy Friday peeps and as you can tell I a little excited for the weekend. Have a good one and remember…..The liver is evil and must be punished.