Dear Kim and Kanye,
The joy of a family’s first born child is unmatched and I know you are asking yourselves how do I know this being that I have not had children but alas being the first born in my family my parents informed me that I was “special” and I’m still trying to figure out if that is a good or bad thing to this day. The anticipation leading up from the moment you find out that a new bundle of joy will be joining your family to the time he or she reveals themselves is both a happy and stressful time for the mom and dad in waiting. Things like getting the finances in order, making sure the baby room is ready, buying clothing and other necessities that a newborn brings are all a must in the months leading up the big day. One of the most important tasks is choosing the baby’s name. Picking a child’s name ranks at the top of the list of things that will affect it for its entire life from adolescence into adulthood. Traditional names such as Marc, Dan and Steve for a boy and Erin, Sarah and Kelly for a girl come to mind or to go the untraditional route with current popular names like Aiden, Max, Emma or Millie. Then we come to famous people and their fascination with outlandish names for their offspring. What child wouldn’t want to go through life with a name like Apple, Sparrow or my personal favorite “Clementine” (Thank you former super model Claudia Schiffer for that gem). But now another celebrity couple has come along and one upped the rest of Hollywood and yes you know who I am talking about that cupcake smuggler formally known as the killer whale that before that was referred to as Kim Kardashian and her current “insert famous black guy from a suburban upbringing that tries to go thug here” beau Kanye West. I thinking here is how the conversation went: Kim; “Hey honey, shut off the video camera for a minute and let’s name our child.” Kanye; “Babe you don’t have to worry about this, I just saw a commercial on TV for an airline and we are naming that baby North!” Kim; “That’s perfect sugar, turn that camera back on and get back to feeding me these hamburgers!” Yes reality TV’s finest has decided that their first born should be referred to as a nautical reference on a compass and thus doomed it to a life of shame which in Hollywood equates to many trips to rehab at a young age, eventual prison time and a documentary on VH1 or MTV. Kim you could have at least kept with a family name and went with “Shamo” or “Talentless Hack”. Kim and Kanye I’m asking as a public service to myself and society to please stop now at one child that has to wonder “who daddy is sleeping with now” and “why is mommy suffering from diabetes”. There are not enough hours in the day for E! to entertain us with “Rehab” as done by the Kardashian’s.
PS. Happy Friday peeps on this scorching end to the week. I hope you all will have an endless supply of ice cold drinks in your hand and remember….If you can read this, we may have made out.