Dear Chuck Norris,
In all the haste of reporting about disappearing aircraft,
Russia’s buildup of troops along the Ukrainian border and the constant state of
drought gripping California, main stream media failed to report on the news
that really matters….Chuck Norris’s birthday. Yes, allegedly 74 years ago this
week the man that has no known natural enemies was born to mere mortals in the
village of Ryan, Oklahoma. First arriving in the world and christened with the
name Carlos, he knew he was destined for greatness at a young age. The boy
lived a simple life until the age of two when he decided over beers with his
parents that it was his fate to become the hero that until then was only seen
in movies and comic books. Upon graduating valedictorian of his high school at
the tender age of five he chose to pass on the athletic and academic scholarship
he received from Harvard in order to serve his country as a policeman in the
United States Air Force. This is where the phrase “Merica” was first coined. Based
in South Korea this is where he honed his fighting skills and perfected the
famed “Roundhouse” kick of legend. During this time in his life is when he was
deemed “Chuck” by his sensei’s which means “I will kill you if you cross me” in
their ancient dialect. Once discharged from the Air Force due to the string of
lives he had taking in hand to hand combat training and not being able to reveal
his true identity to the world he found himself in Hollywood, CA training
numerous A-list celebrities such as the Osmond twins and Bob Barker (You now
know why he whooped Happy Gilmore’s ass) as a way to blend in with the mortals
of our world. It was around the age of 18 when he found his true calling in
movies and television. He could use all of his powers and if people questioned
it, the answer was always; “It’s special effects”. Oscar inspired performances
in classics such as: Delta Force, Delta Force II and Delta Force III only solidified
his place among the greats in the entertainment industry. The next phase in his
life is still referred to as “The age of Enlightenment” and this is where he
let the rest of us know on how we should all live. His motivational speeches
are stuff of legend as is his creed on life. This declaration which rivals the
US Constitution is developed around 10 simple principles on how we should live
our life and goes by the name Chun Kuk Do: Which translates to:” Do this or I
will wipe all living creatures off the face of the planet” For the first time they have been translated
and here they are…
1.
I will develop myself to my maximum potential every
day.
2.
God and Family are king.
3.
Don’t mess with Texas.
4.
If you’re a liberal you will suffer from a
roundhouse kick.
5.
Buy the Total Gym fitness system.
6.
Merica.
7.
Merica. (this is #8-#10 also)
The myth that is Chuck Norris I’ve been told currently resides
in the community of Lake Almanor and although I frequent the area often I have
yet to see the legend. If you are really out there know that I along with the
rest of the 9 billion people who call earth home thank you for offering your
protection and making our world a better place….Happy Birthday Walker. Wink,
wink.
PS. Happy Friday peeps and I hope you find yourself in the
sun with a cocktail in hand this weekend and remember….If you think she’s the
marrying type, keep looking.
#Chucknorris #roundhouse #walkertexasranger #empireliving
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