Friday, March 7, 2014

Vladimir Putin vs. The Free World

Dear Ukraine,

It has finally happened. He has gone and invaded his first country. I’ve been telling you for some time that Vladimir Putin was one vodka shot away from and attempt at world domination and the $50 billion dollar debacle that passed for the Winter Olympics recently has finally pushed him over the edge. I mean how could no one else have predicted this??? He soars with the birds. He catches fish with his bare hands in the frigid water of his homeland. He rides around topless on a horse for reasons other than a photo shoot. He wrestles bears for Christ sake!!! It was the obvious next step in his plan to eventually take over the world. As we have sat back and worried ourselves with the likes of the Taliban and North Korea the biggest threat to our wellbeing has laid silently grumbling and wondering why no one will pay any attention to the country formally referred to as the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. You know the one that now goes by “Russia” and has a nuclear deterrent that matches ours? Now the current administration in Washington that not long ago laughed at the thought of a threat from Russia and said, “The Cold War is over” is taking this man a little bit more seriously. But how can you really hurt a country that has resources both militarily and naturally that rival our own? Sanctions as the President and his advisors have proposed??? Please, they need no oil, protection, water or food. The people that live there survive in -40 degree blizzards on a daily basis. It can’t even snow here in December without it being must watch TV across the country. Ok so that’s not going to work. Let’s see what about a phone call to Mr. Putin to denounce his actions of invading one of his neighbors. I can tell you how that call went last night between the leaders of the two reigning super powers. President Obama; “Hey Vlad this is Barry, what’s up homie? Why do you have to go and change my focus from vacation, golf and my NCAA bracket picks to foreign affairs??” To which Vladimir Putin’s response was; “I must break you.” Before hanging up the phone faster than Apollo Creed hitting the canvas in a quiver from an Ivan Drago uppercut. Well, cross that off the list. The man is ex-KGB and a two time winner in the presidential sweepstakes, he doesn’t care about sanctions or outcry’s for peace from the rest of the world he wants respect. You know R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Leaders of the world need to stroke his ego a little and let him know that he is kind of a big deal. Acknowledge that the former Soviet Union is still a major player in this game we call life. If the region of Crimea in Northern Ukraine thinks they will be better suited as a Russian state let them be, why go to war with your own people that are a majority Russian already in a country that was for so long a part of it. The rest of Ukraine can then align itself with the European Union thus giving everyone what they want. If he continues to harness his inner Hitler we along with our allies do what we do best…Dominate and remind him why we still hold the title of back to back world war champs….Merica.

PS. Happy Friday peeps on this sunny day in March. Enjoy your weekend and remember….The reason I drink American vodka is because I don’t need an interpreter to understand it when it speaks to me.

#Ukraine #Putin #vodka #empireliving

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