Dear Ukraine,
It has finally happened. He has gone and invaded his first
country. I’ve been telling you for some time that Vladimir Putin was one vodka
shot away from and attempt at world domination and the $50 billion dollar debacle
that passed for the Winter Olympics recently has finally pushed him over the
edge. I mean how could no one else have predicted this??? He soars with the
birds. He catches fish with his bare hands in the frigid water of his homeland.
He rides around topless on a horse for reasons other than a photo shoot. He
wrestles bears for Christ sake!!! It was the obvious next step in his plan to
eventually take over the world. As we have sat back and worried ourselves with
the likes of the Taliban and North Korea the biggest threat to our wellbeing
has laid silently grumbling and wondering why no one will pay any attention to
the country formally referred to as the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics.
You know the one that now goes by “Russia” and has a nuclear deterrent that
matches ours? Now the current administration in Washington that not long ago
laughed at the thought of a threat from Russia and said, “The Cold War is over”
is taking this man a little bit more seriously. But how can you really hurt a
country that has resources both militarily and naturally that rival our own? Sanctions
as the President and his advisors have proposed??? Please, they need no oil,
protection, water or food. The people that live there survive in -40 degree
blizzards on a daily basis. It can’t even snow here in December without it
being must watch TV across the country. Ok so that’s not going to work. Let’s see
what about a phone call to Mr. Putin to denounce his actions of invading one of
his neighbors. I can tell you how that call went last night between the leaders
of the two reigning super powers. President Obama; “Hey Vlad this is Barry,
what’s up homie? Why do you have to go and change my focus from vacation, golf
and my NCAA bracket picks to foreign affairs??” To which Vladimir Putin’s response
was; “I must break you.” Before hanging up the phone faster than Apollo Creed
hitting the canvas in a quiver from an Ivan Drago uppercut. Well, cross that off
the list. The man is ex-KGB and a two time winner in the presidential
sweepstakes, he doesn’t care about sanctions or outcry’s for peace from the
rest of the world he wants respect. You know R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Leaders of the
world need to stroke his ego a little and let him know that he is kind of a big
deal. Acknowledge that the former Soviet Union is still a major player in this
game we call life. If the region of Crimea in Northern Ukraine thinks they will
be better suited as a Russian state let them be, why go to war with your own people
that are a majority Russian already in a country that was for so long a part of
it. The rest of Ukraine can then align itself with the European Union thus giving
everyone what they want. If he continues to harness his inner Hitler we along
with our allies do what we do best…Dominate and remind him why we still hold
the title of back to back world war champs….Merica.
PS. Happy Friday peeps on this sunny day in March. Enjoy
your weekend and remember….The reason I drink American vodka is because I don’t
need an interpreter to understand it when it speaks to me.
#Ukraine #Putin #vodka #empireliving
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