Friday, March 21, 2014

The disease that is March Madness

Dear NCAA Tournament,

This week this line has been repeated in the workplace across the nation; “Hello boss…Ya, it’s me. Cough, cough….sneeze, sneeze…ummmm….I won’t be able to make it to work today I think I’ve come down with something.” With the reply of; “Really you seemed fine yesterday, when you were bragging about your alma mater’s seeding in the NCAA Basketball Tournament?” Yes, the time of year is upon us when the productivity of America’s workforce comes to a grinding halt as millions of people across the country come down with the illness that is “March Madness”. For those of you not familiar with this illness it develops between the last two weeks of March and closes in April. It is most contagious the Thursday and Friday during the 3rd week of March as men and women from small businesses to large corporations around the country fall deathly ill and only become a productive member of society at some point the following Monday morning. To help you further understand it, some of the medical terms associated with March Madness are as followed:

1.       Bracket: this is the tree of 64 teams that one must fill out in order to be sickened by March Madness.
2.       Sleepers: This is the next stage of the disease and causes the vision and senses to be a bit hazy. It is at this point that people start choosing teams that made the tourney because they got hot later in the season thus making them a sound choice to win the 5 games needed to lift that national championship trophy.
3.       Bracket Buster:  At this time is when the condition it is at its worse. The affected cry and scream in hysterics along with cussing and throwing random objects at the TV due to their chosen team to win it all being ousted by North South Western Delaware A&M Tech School for the Deaf and Blind, thus costing them any chance of winning the illegal gambling pool at the office that there superior knows nothing about. (I refer to the above school by the name “Mercer”)

March Madness tends to subside the Monday after the 3rd weekend in March but lingering effects of the disease can be seen for a few weeks after. If you see these, which I will describe below and usually take place around the water cooler or in the break room be sure to avoid at all costs.

1.       The male or female coworker letting everyone know they killed it on their bracket and they will be collecting the winnings in crisp $1 bills so they can make their way to the club immediately after. This same person will fail to inform you that the bracket they are bragging about is one of forty they filled out. You will hear no mention of the other thirty-nine brackets.
2.       The school of the person you’re conversing with is in the tourney for the first time and they cannot stop telling you how they knew they would be there and how they will run the table for their region (see Cal Poly grad). Politely smile and pay them for the pizza they’re delivering and this should remedy the situation.

Don’t worry because this is a fast moving pandemic and will soon be out of everyone system until it rolls around again next year. Now excuse me while I get back to the game...cough…cough…

PS. Happy Friday peeps on this beautiful afternoon. Make sure to enjoy the sunshine this weekend and remember….You can drink at 7AM because the Beastie Boys fought for that sort of thing.

#Marchmadness #NCAA #bracketbuster #empireliving

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