Dear NCAA Tournament,
This week this line has been repeated in the workplace
across the nation; “Hello boss…Ya, it’s me. Cough, cough….sneeze, sneeze…ummmm….I
won’t be able to make it to work today I think I’ve come down with something.”
With the reply of; “Really you seemed fine yesterday, when you were bragging
about your alma mater’s seeding in the NCAA Basketball Tournament?” Yes, the
time of year is upon us when the productivity of America’s workforce comes to a
grinding halt as millions of people across the country come down with the illness
that is “March Madness”. For those of you not familiar with this illness it develops
between the last two weeks of March and closes in April. It is most contagious the
Thursday and Friday during the 3rd week of March as men and women
from small businesses to large corporations around the country fall deathly ill
and only become a productive member of society at some point the following Monday
morning. To help you further understand it, some of the medical terms
associated with March Madness are as followed:
1.
Bracket:
this is the tree of 64 teams that one must fill out in order to be sickened by
March Madness.
2.
Sleepers:
This is the next stage of the disease and causes the vision and senses to be a
bit hazy. It is at this point that people start choosing teams that made the
tourney because they got hot later in the season thus making them a sound
choice to win the 5 games needed to lift that national championship trophy.
3. Bracket Buster: At this time is when the condition it is at
its worse. The affected cry and scream in hysterics along with cussing and
throwing random objects at the TV due to their chosen team to win it all being
ousted by North South Western Delaware A&M Tech School for the Deaf and
Blind, thus costing them any chance of winning the illegal gambling pool at the
office that there superior knows nothing about. (I refer to the above school by
the name “Mercer”)
March Madness tends to subside the Monday after the 3rd
weekend in March but lingering effects of the disease can be seen for a few
weeks after. If you see these, which I will describe below and usually take
place around the water cooler or in the break room be sure to avoid at all
costs.
1.
The male or female coworker letting everyone
know they killed it on their bracket and they will be collecting the winnings
in crisp $1 bills so they can make their way to the club immediately after.
This same person will fail to inform you that the bracket they are bragging
about is one of forty they filled out. You will hear no mention of the other
thirty-nine brackets.
2.
The school of the person you’re conversing with
is in the tourney for the first time and they cannot stop telling you how they
knew they would be there and how they will run the table for their region (see
Cal Poly grad). Politely smile and pay them for the pizza they’re delivering
and this should remedy the situation.
Don’t worry because this is a fast moving pandemic and will
soon be out of everyone system until it rolls around again next year. Now excuse
me while I get back to the game...cough…cough…
PS. Happy Friday peeps on this beautiful afternoon. Make
sure to enjoy the sunshine this weekend and remember….You can drink at 7AM because
the Beastie Boys fought for that sort of thing.
#Marchmadness #NCAA #bracketbuster #empireliving
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